Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
thinking of proposing, any advice?
December 29, 2005
12:14 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lass,

I know lots of people who lived together before they got married and are still happily married many years later.

I wouldn't be concerned about that at all.

My brother lived with his wife and had children before he got married to her. This was about 15 years of living together. However, my brother could not have been MORE committed to his wife and his children if he had gotten married from the start.

December 29, 2005
12:22 pm
Avatar
Relationship Failure
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi,

Would have to agree with the no moving in before marriage thing - based only on my own experience.
There's alot to be said for the romance of dating and also maintaining your own independence prior to marriage.
I also suspect that if you move in with someone before you have both really committed to one another it may prevent the committment to marriage ever happening. For some it is a way of avoiding having to take that next step.
Although I enjoyed living with my partner so much I do feel that I gave him everything on a plate and there was no need for him to propose.

December 29, 2005
1:29 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Back to the ring thing... if you aren't sure if your lady prefers white or yellow gold, go with a shop that will let you temporarily purchase a relatively inexpensive setting that you can exchange and put towards a setting that she most prefers. You can pick out the stone that you like and have it set in the setting and present it to her to surprise her. Then the two of you can go together to pick out the setting that she'll wear forever.

Congrats and good luck!

December 29, 2005
5:58 pm
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i think it's all in how people view their commitments.

i'm extremely committed to my girl, and she's hugely loyal to me. pretty dang committed too. we had those rough spots, and now i think we both know how committedand loyal we are, but we still need to rebuild some trust.

i'm going away for nearly 4 mos to study abroad, and she's staying home. two weeks after i get back, she may go away for 2 mos for work, depending on whether she gets the job.

right now things are a bit rickety between one of my best friends and her, and between one of her best friends and her mom and me, because of all the hard stuff we just went through. her mom still tells me that she loves me and stuff, but my gf has said that her mom is distrustful of me right now, though she supports her in whatever decisions she makes.

i'm working things out with her friend, but its all gonna take some time.

i'm thinking that proposing right now is a bad idea because our friends wouldn't be quite as elated for us as they once would've been, or will be in the future.

so, because i did want to do something for us, i had her name tattooed on my chest. she is the person that i want to spend the rest of my life with, and maybe even other lives in the future. i've had a crush on her since i first laid eyes on her 7 years ago, and still, after 2.5 years of actually being in everyday contact, still i get butterflies around her.

i think that i'll wait for the 3 year mark, and ask then. assuming that things are going better with her mom and our friends. not because i fear that anything will change, but because i don't want our excitement to be tainted by anyone's lack of excitement.

is this wise thinking? feedback?

December 29, 2005
6:05 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ah, the tattoo. Horribly romantic, isn't it? I was thinking of putting H's name on my ass, but then thought, nah.

Kidding aside - I think you are looking at the situation with clarity and maturity! After all, if you've been together for that long, a little more time can only help. And it sounds like it's not just your friends who may be uncertain at this time, but maybe you as well? Their opinion doesn't really matter, in my book - but! it is really important for you to feel completely comfortable with a long term committment (even though it's already in your heart, things can change a bit when it's "out there".)

So yeah - wise thinking indeed.

...and congrats on the tat...hope she has a short name - LOL!

December 29, 2005
6:15 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh, sorry - didn't mean to ignore your question from last night.

I've been with H "on and off" for a little over a year now...we just moved in together 2 months ago. We drank too much, imploded, he cheated on me, and now I am coexisting with him in a purgatory-like state of total joy one day and fear and despair the next.

We were really doing okay until last night...I mean, I forgave him and owned up to my part in it (I am quite the alcoholic, and hide my feelings by drinking instead of expressing myself, and am also incapable of ASKING for my needs to be met in a relationship, etc. etc.) But last night I had a terrible crawling feeling in my gut about what happened, and we drank some wine and I just WENT OFF on him like nobody's business...("How the hell could you f**k that f**king barslut, I f**king hate you, blah blah blah).

This isn't the first time it's happened, either - we have a rocky history at best, and the bottle has been my refuge.

Sigh. So tonight he is coming home right after work and we are going to "talk". Sober. I've been thinking about it all day, and I guess the bottom line is - if I can't truly forgive him and trust him again, the best thing for both of us would be for me to leave. So I'm anxious to hear what he has to say...

December 30, 2005
12:04 am
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yeah. wow. cheating is hard stuff. real hard.

i cheated on my girl. i don't think you were around yet for all that awful time.

she broke up with me seemingly outta nowhere. after 4 mos she said we'd never get back together (even though we hung out all day every day, held hands, even cuddled sometimes and kissed once in a great while).

so i decided to makeout with someone new, which turned into dating, then my girl wanted to get back together so i broke it off with the new person, then my girl went back and forth with me, was unsure, i got scared, new girl was promising to be everything to me, said the way my gf was treating me was not ok etc etc. and my gf told me she was scared, then said that i should just date the other person, and i listed all the reasons i didn't want to, that i wanted to be with her and her alone, and she said she didn't know if she was in love with me. and so i told the other person that. and then my girl said she had always been in love with me since the first word we ever exchanged.

and then she started cancelling plans on me. being distant, going back and forth. and then i went to "process" things with the other girl so that we could be friends.

and then we made out. and then i said we had to stop seeing each other or talking to each other even.

and then we made out again. and again. for about 4 days. i told my girl pretty immediately-via email, but said that i wanted to talk about it more. not surprisingly, she didn't want to talk to me about it. she was done. flipped out. i was devastated. as i'm sure she was too.

and i swore to her that i'd make it up to her, but she left, flew to the other side of the country for the summertime. and i started dating the other girl again.

and after about 2 weeks i realized, oh yeah, all the things i was reassuring my girl about are still the honest truth. i don't want to be with this person, i want to be with my girl. i want all the things that this person is offering me, but i want them with my girl.

the inloveness doesn't just happen. you can't wait for it to happen or make it happen. it only happens if it wants to. just like you can't make it not happen. you can't stop it. i didn't realize that then.

i made horrible horrible awful unhealthy choices during that time. and its taken me months and months and months to figure out how to take responsibility for my actions, and not place the blame on the 2 of them, though i still have more work to do on it. i feel really ashamed.

but the thing is is that i have ALWAYS been in love with my girl. since the very first time i laid eyes on her, i was blown away. and i have never stopped beingin love with her for a second.

but no one has ever hurt me the way she has hurt me, and no one has ever hurt her the way that i hurt her.

and yet, we've been able to forgive each other. its taken a LOT of work, but we have forgiven. we are still working on rebuilding trust-of course, it hasn't been all that long. but since we have been able to be completely and fully honest with each other as a result of all of this, since we've been able to make it through this, i feel completely certain-99.99% certain that i want to spend the rest of my life with her, through anything, no matter what.

i am proud of us. proud of the work we have done/are doing/will continue to do. oddly enough, i think that the cheating has done more for our loyalty to each other than anything ever could have. i didn't believe that she loved me. i was tired of her not being straight with me. she was wary of my codependency and resulting manipulations.

but as i heal, she is sticking by me more than a lot of my friends have. she was the one most hurt by all of this, and she has stuck by me the strongest. and i wholeheartedly intend to do the same for her.

December 30, 2005
12:11 am
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

that was getting too long, so i decided to start another.

that's a pretty wise and true statement ddog, if you can't forgive him, then it is best for both of you to move on. he has to really be sincere in his efforts to change. to address what he did.

he has to treat you better than that, and show it. i think that's part of why things are going so well with us. she is an amazing person who has been able to attempt to wrap her head around how i must've been feeling.

she understands me and truly truly cares about me, and i can't believe how incredibly lucky and fortunate i am to have that.

its a LOT of hard work to work through cheating. thats why i don't think that most people do it. i dont know that i would have been able to be as forgiving with her as she was with me. i guess if all the other elements were in place it would change it, but i don't know that i'd be wise or big enough to forgive her.

i hope that these things help you with your situation ddog. and i hope that yalls talk goes well. oboy

December 30, 2005
2:07 am
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OB -

I REALLY needed to hear from someone who had been thru a similar experince (you cheating bastard! LOL, just kidding!)

Your posts are very important to me, and I am going to re-read them in the morning. V tired, played too much chess 2nite (LOL - see Libido on the Rise thread on Lib Brew for details...)

Will be back 2morrow, thanks again for your openness and honesty, I can't even tell you how much this helps!

Love ya -

D.

December 30, 2005
5:13 am
Avatar
FindingSelf
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OB

I'm kind of going through a similar situation right now with my ex. I broke up with her a year ago and quickly ened up in another relationship which I ended because I realized what kind of a fool I was, and then a month ago she broke up with me to go out with a new guy, and we have swapped roles. I've been making some headway with her recently, and still love her about as much as I feel I can love anybody, and really want to make it work out. She told me she still loved me today, yet she's still kinda-sorta seeing this new guy. I can forgive her for everything and would like to be with her and can see myself marrying her - any advice?

December 30, 2005
1:14 pm
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ddog, i'm so glad that it helped. how're you feeling this am?

finding self, sounds like you need to check in with yourself. make sure that you really do love her and that you aren't just wanting to be with her because she was feeling hard to get. be careful what you do with this advice though, as a lot of people told me similar things back then. they told me that she was just wanting to control me, and that i should go with the new girl. i heeded that advice and tried to ignore my own heart, and it costed me a whirlwind of pain and suffering.

sounds so cliché, but really, listen to your heart and your gut and you'll know exactly what to do. seems like a lot of us codeps have little-to-no clue as to how to do that. i know i've only just been learning since all that stuff happened.

sounds like your situation is only going to take time and commitment...and loyalty. rebuilding trust for both of you. and communication as the most important tool in that process.

what do you think?

December 30, 2005
3:44 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OB -

"...time and commitment...and loyalty. rebuilding trust for both of you. and communication as the most important tool in that process."

I was just thinking the SAME thing on my way in to work...COMMUNICATION.

That is THE KEY.

Speaking of, the titanium key pendant went on sale today on Justmetal.com (normally $79.95, now only $11.95), so I ordered it as a reminder to myself, that I HAVE the key, and just need to be brave enough to use it!

Ah, yes - jewelry as a self improvement tool...gotta love it! LOL!

I feel great today, H has a vacation day, and I'm hoping to get out of here early; it's a really slow day.

Oh, how funny...justmetal.com just called me on my cell and had to conference in MY BANK to verify all these charges...LOL, ROFL.

Anyway! Yeah, I have a lot of questions about the whole cheating thing...the main one, I guess, is how could he actually have sex with someone else? As someone who's been there, not to open a wound for you, but...if you loved your girl, what was it like being with someone else? How was it different? I mean, I'm not looking for graphic detail or anything - LOL - just wondering what the intellectual and emotional process was when you were with the other person.

Not that I haven't been with anybody since I've been with H...we had a huge fight last spring, and I hooked up with an ex BF because of it...just once, and it wasn't all that great...funny thing is, it felt so distinctly *seperate* from what I have with H....almost like a different thing entirely.

I don't know, can you help me get my head around this? I think if I can understand it more, it will lose its power, and hence its ability to hurt me so much...

December 30, 2005
4:06 pm
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ddog, i'm gonna have to think about it a bit more and write you again in a bit. it's helpful for me to continue to work through this stuff too. i know that she's still hurt by it, and i'm still scared that i'll hurt her again. but the main thing is, we could not possibly love each other any more than we do. and we are both willing to do whatever hard work it takes to work things out. more later...

December 30, 2005
4:38 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cool. Thanks for giving it thought, I know it's a heavy topic!

:o)

December 30, 2005
9:03 pm
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ddog-

i was hurt. i was really really hurt and scared. that's all i can come up with. and i keep trying to explain this to her, but she says that that effectively places the blame on her, and is disrespectful to the other girl.

but, in all honesty, that was my thought process. i was taking a lot of the advice that i got from this site that was actually i think more people projecting their own shit than helping me with mine.

its so weird, the day before i made out with the other woman, my girl and i had a date, but she cancelled on me, insisting that i accompany a friend of hers to see the other woman to do something (don't wanna disclose details). i said a million times that i didn't want to, that she and i had plans, that her friend could go by herself...

this is a huge topic. i still am unsure really how to explain what i was thinking.

i was conflicted, and i communicated that to my girl. i felt scared and sad that she was unwilling to commit to me at that point, and i told her that i was missing the other person, and that when i thought about it, it was because i realized that she was fully certain about being in love with me, wanting to be with me, wanting to commit to me, and my girl had never been certain. i was scared that she was only wanting to be with me because someone else wanted me.

and so she told me that maybe i should just be with the other person then. and i said but i'm not in love with the other person, i'm in love with you. but then i started thinking that maybe the inloveness with the other person would just fall into place. she suggested that i date both her and the other person. after thinking about it, i told the other person that she had said that, and that i was considering it. and then the next day my girl wrote me a letter that said that she had always been in love with me since day one, and that she wanted to give me whatever i wanted. she was committed to me, and she wanted to marry me. and she didn't want me to date the other person.

and so i told the other person that. and the other person was upset 'cos she said that she felt like my girl just pushed me around and toyed with me and i did whatever she said and then she in turn received the same treatment. which was true.

and so i told the other person that i needed time to figure it out. that she was my second choice, and that my girl was always my first. that i wouldn't ever be able to move on while my girl was wanting to be with me.

but i also started questioning it, getting angry and fed up, thinking that it was my unhealthiness that was telling me to choose an unhealthy relationship over a potentially healthy one.

and so outta this, i made out with the girl. not to degrade her, i was attracted to her too, but i can't even really imagine that i was clear enough to access any attraction during that time. i was broken down. so confused and unclear.

i don't think i'm gonna be giving you the answers you're looking for ddog. my situation was pretty unique. much different i think than a one night stand.

i think there're a lot of different reasons for a one night stand. i don't know enough of your situation, was it a one night stand?

but i also don't think that people will cheat on their partners if they're satisfied in their relationship. although if drinking is involved and the partner is all randy, its pretty easy to justify that stuff too.

December 31, 2005
3:00 am
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey ddog, how's it going?

you got me onto something here, and so i just started writing all about it on the ef thread. damn. going through all of what was going through my mind the whole time...ugh.

December 31, 2005
9:10 am
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi OB -

It's six in the morning here, H is asleep, I woke up and had a cigarette and thought I'd check in here.

I attempted to talk to him last night to maybe get some answers; it didn't go well at first, he told me that I was "living in the past", and that he wanted to move on from it. True, in a way, but I explained that I needed to deal with the past to handle the present and be positive about the future. Also true.

He got a bit angry at some of my questions...I think he thought I was going to go off on him again, he got really defensive, and at one point said, "You want me to see her again? Keep it up!"

That shocked me into silence; and he recanted, told me he didn't mean to say that - I know how frustrating it must be for him to have me wallowing in what happened...and I know if I take a hateful angry approach that it will probably be the end of us - but -
That said, after I started crying he told me that he knows that what he did was a huge mistake - but that he hates it when I get so drunk and nasty, and that he was with her because he didn't want to be with me anymore at that point - he really emphasized "at that point" - and told me that I am a sweet and beautiful person, and that he does want to be with me always, but "at that point" things were so bad between us that he didn't care, didn't know what to do,
and just did the most extreme thing that he could do to escape from the misery between us.

I told him that I would never do that to him...and he reminded me that I did, once. And ironically, it was after he got jealous of D and I, and was drunk and nasty - so quid pro quo on that one - I can really see now how these things can happen.

I suppose I'd like to dig deeper into all this, but ya know what? I think the above pretty much sums it all up. He told me that what happened with her is done, and that he loves me. And I suppose that I can now either accpet that, and move on in a new and positive light, or decide not to forgive him and walk.

But there's no way that I'm going to do that; much like you and your girl, we have loved each other since day one, too. And through all the confusion and the mistakes we've both made, we've had an unbreakable bond.

We wrapped up the conversation with me just asking him to understand that it does still hurt, and to try to be sensitive to that. He doted on me the rest of the night.

I know your situation is unique, but the simliarity that I see is that your girl's reticence to commit is a fair parallel to my shutting H out with the booze and the bitterness about our past (I was definitely not committing to him in any way). And I want to really, really thank you for sharing your experience with me...I know that it's painful to rehash - and yeah, to even face sometimes - but your viewpoint from "the other side" really helps.

I'm also glad that H did not forge any kind of relationship with the other girl; it was more than a one night stand, but I don't think he was with her more than 2 or 3 times. (I can determine that because we live together, and I'm usually pretty aware of his routines and general whereabouts). It must have been much harder for you, and I applaud you for making the right choice, and choosing the girl who you truly love over the "escape" of another's promises.

Much like, it appears, H has now done...

The committment that I have to make, as mentioned above, is to be strong enough to move on, and be a fair and contributing partner in our future.

Why is that so scary to me? Well, that's a whole other thread - LOL!

Love to you, OB...talk to you soon, and thanks again.

D.

January 1, 2006
4:15 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

orangeboy,

I have some advice for you. You've been together a long time; you both feel you're right for each other, correct?

If you both want to get married, then just do it! Who cares what has happened in the past? If you can forgive each other and commit that you'll stay true to each other, help each other, support each other, etc. all the rest of the days of your lives, what else matters?

I hope you do get married and make a happy life for yourselves.

January 1, 2006
4:30 pm
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

seeker, thanks a lot.

ddog, how are you doing today? i'm glad that your talk went well and that you're having some revelations. in your heart and gut is that how you really feel though? able and ready and willing to let it go?

i think that a part of being accountable for your actions is being willing to be patient and sit through all the resulting feelings with the person hurt by your actions until they feel ready to move on. perhaps you are scared that to ask for this would mean losing him? i mean especially if he's threatening you that you will? something that my girl once said to me was that i don't get to determine how hurt she was or was not by my actions, and i don't get to determine when she's done hurting from them, only she gets to decide that. and, being someone that loves her madly and wants to make things right, i'm willing to give her that. i think you deserve the same.

however, i'm also curious as to why you two haven't put the same effort and focus on your indiscretions? your cheating? maybe you have? but i'm sure he was hurt by that too. seems like maybe even you both were using it as a way to show how hurt you were, and to get a rise out of the other one.

i could be completely off base here, just some food for thought.

hope things are well today. oboy.

January 2, 2006
3:18 am
Avatar
orangeboy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey ddog, check out this site:

titaniumera.com

January 2, 2006
4:12 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Oboy!

Happy New Year and all...

Yeah, that's true - he doesn't get to decide when I am done hurting...and I think if I have a down day (or hour or minute) and want to talk, he'll be there for me...as long as I am not drinking and just being bitter. In the past, that's what I've done, and that isn't really fair to either one of us...I'm pretty sure that's what he meant by the "keep it up" comment (which he totally regretted and apologozed for twice)...though that said, we've covered a lot of ground, and whenever I now wonder how he could have done it, I think of when I did it, and I have to face the fact that people DO these things, and although it isn't right, it happens and it is survivable.

I liked the idea that you and your girl have of "journaling"; I send H alot of emails, and sometimes find that this is a better way to communicate than struggling to say everything in the moment...plus, I can then read it over, really think about what I'm saying, maybe realize a few things along the way from what I'm writing, maybe correct my statements to say what I REALLY mean, instead of just trying to get a rise out of him. Which yes, I am guilty of from time to time. Well, okay - all the time! LOL!

In a way, I can see why he is reticent to talk about it at all...I mean, I hate having my mistakes thrown in my face as well (like hearing how horrible I acted, sounded, looked when really wasted these past months) - it is humiliating and makes me feel worse about myself than anything. So I can understand his wanting to leave it behind.

I will check out that site (even though my bank balance is, like, $2.50 at the moment!!! LOL!)

Oh, we got our rings yesterday from Justmetal...the funny thing is, we measured our ring fingers so that it would be like a "couple's thing"...and we BOTH over-measured, so now we have to wear them on our middle fingers!! LOL, ROFL! A sign, perhaps???

Thanks so much for your post - makes great sense, and is helping to keep me balanced...

((OB))

January 2, 2006
4:28 pm
Avatar
addicts wife
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oooh, i checked out the titanium rings... and I really liked a lot of them, plus think theyre stronger for mechanics like J.. who probably shouldnt wear a ring at all... he hee heee .. he should get a tattoo/ring!!

January 2, 2006
4:37 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oboy and Ddog,

one comment on the whole "you don't determine how long I hurt by your actions or how much I hurt".

while this statement is on the mark - I do warn you that "some" people (especially those suffering from depression or mental illness or codependency) CAN get STUCK in that feeling. And often they need to learn how to let it go.

It's one thing to feel the hurt, let the feeling happen and then do what it takes to heal it and move on - it's another to STAY in that feeling and expect someone else to fix it for you - or for it to go away by itself.

Sometimes you have to make the concious decision to get "unstuck".

And this thought comes from my own experience with these situations.

My BF cheated on me - and I stayed stuck on that - and could focus on nothing else - and everything became about that - and I couldn't enjoy the stuff that was happening around me cuz I was "stuck" on that awful feeling I got when I found out he cheated. I know know it was wrong for him to cheat - and the pain is there - but it's not something I dwell on anymore. I can't - it's not healthy. What's done is done as my therapist said. part of MY problem is that I became a prosecutor over this - and was CONSTANTLY trying to make him feel bad for doing this - I was stuck in the victim role as well - how could he do this to me and he should KEEP making it up to me.

There is a healthy level of amends that should be made - I am just more or less pointing out that it can become unhealthy if it lingers.

January 2, 2006
10:46 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ali -

Wow, thanks so much for posting that! I was just sitting here with H watching 2-1/2 Men, and the theme was that Charlie is a "misogynist", and I was looking at H and thinking, OMG.

You are spot on - everything becomes about the cheating and it HAS been hard to focus on the good things...

What's done is done, and even though it does still hurt, getting "unstuck" is probably the best thing I can do for myself right now. No, not for him - for ME.

How else can I move on, regardless of what the future holds with/without H?

So - a timely post, and one I needed more than anything 2nite. I'm copying and pasting it into my files...

Thank you so much.

(((Alicat)))

January 2, 2006
10:51 pm
Avatar
D dog
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Quick question - just for when you have the time and if you don't mind sharing...

Are you still with your BF who cheated, and if so, how did you get unstuck?

I know that every situation is different, but I had always believed that cheating meant the end of any relationship...the one completely unforgivable transgression.

Is this always the case?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111046
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714356
Newest Members:
juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes, rickymorgan3165, anna11, Wanoh94103
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information