Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Thinking about moving
August 2, 2004
7:40 am
Avatar
memphis
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

` I need advise. I have been living next to my ex codependent and now he has someone else. I am thinking about just packing up and moving this month. My finances arent the greatest and I have a good situation with my room mate, but I am so tired of having this man in my head all the time and I think moving from the general area will help. I dont see him often but am always afraid that I will and dont want to do anything stupid like crying when I see him. I am now on anti depressants but they havent kicked in all the way yet.

August 2, 2004
7:57 am
Avatar
memphis
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I should explain that he doesnt want to see me (and wont tell me why) I dont think he realizes how much this hurts. Fortunately I dont have to see his new 'Friend". He is disabled and unable to drive and she picks him up......I feel this is a bad situation....he obviously has no feelings towards me since he refuses to see me.

August 2, 2004
8:11 am
Avatar
eve
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well,

wherever you'll move you take yourself with you. Try to be honest with yourself - would you really stop obsessing over him, if you can't see him?

I don't think that "away from" is a good place to go to. Because you won't know when you're there. But you could look for a cheaper flat, or a better job or both - since your finances are strained. If that helps to get him out of your eyes and out of your mind, go for it.

August 2, 2004
8:26 am
Avatar
memphis
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Eve thanks for the advice....I needed a difference perspective on it. I tend to run away....it actually scares me to think of not living near him but I know that Its bound to happen. His lease is up in a couple months and I heard he was moving in with her. I start counceling this Friday and am hoping that will help too...thank you

August 2, 2004
9:27 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you thought about moving, maybe you should try it...remember *out of sight, out of mind*..then at least if you move, each time you walk out of the place that you are at now you won't have to have his thoughts and his living right there thrown in your face.....if you think its a good idea to move, then I would do it!! good luck with therapy!!
hugs from camer

August 2, 2004
12:35 pm
Avatar
cak
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What camer said is true out of sight out of mind. Being hooked into that stuff has to make you feel awful at times. I am sure it is hard to unhook with him next door. However if he is going to move soon what a godsend!

If you can move...do it. However don't do anything that would hurt you or your
finacial situation. Do not give him that kind of power over you. Think only of yourself in this. If he is moving in a month stay busy doing stuff for yourself.
Therapy is a wonderful tool to overcome this also. Coda meetings are good too.
Try anything to not think about him.
Sounds like you are pretty strong since this has been going on.

As far as not wanting to see you.
That is his issue not yours.
Screw it! I am sure that was hurtful
but don't take it on. There are plenty of people that would like to see you and He is only one person on earth he does not speak for the rest.

Remember one thing rejection is one of the cruelist forms of abuse to do to someone. It can be also very controlling. He is a jerk.
So hold your head up and think of yourself. Don't give your power away to him. Good luck and best wishes
CAK

August 2, 2004
1:07 pm
Avatar
memphis
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Cak

I am going to copy your response and keep it in my purse...the tears are coming...Thank you

August 2, 2004
1:30 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

memphis, I agree with cak. He is only one man and I am sure there are at least 100 that would be happy to be with you. However, I do not agree that rejection is abuse in and of itself. It certainly can done in an abusive way. Its important not to take the rejection personally, I'm sure he has a lot of issues that got in his way of being with you. There's nothing wrong with you. Relationships take two people who are both willing to work together on the relationship. I don't know what broke you up but I sure do understand how seeing him in your neighborhood would be painful. I would go ahead and move but if he's going to move soon then why not wait. Are you sure he is going to move?

August 2, 2004
1:41 pm
Avatar
memphis
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had heard last month from a person that he is friends with that he would be moving in with his new friend since he only has a one bedroom apartment. What broke us up is that I wanted a close relationship and he wanted just a friendship. The only problem is that my friends were alot better friends than he was. He is so scared of a relationship he did not treat me as such.
Our relationship started out extremely immature....then I thought we were heading toward a mature relationship....guess not. He started something on the internet(?) and the next thing I know he is pulling away from me. We also met on the internet..
My family is in another state and imagining actually going home is overwhelming ....I cant get a clear picture of going home yet but am working on it. Thanks for listening

August 2, 2004
2:56 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

KathyG and Memphis said it well...HE is not the only man on this earth, look around there are 1,000's of available men who can treat a woman right and treat her with respect. I too have to keep thinking of that when I get into a pitfall of being coda with the wrong man.

Good luck on your choice if you move or not, we will be supporting you either way, the whole way!!

August 2, 2004
3:05 pm
Avatar
cak
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sounds like he has many issue's one is betrayel and not being trustworthy.

It was not you! He is not worth your time and energy.
I do agree it takes two mature adults that can build trust in a relationship.
However you have to have 2 people working on it not just one. He will always be looking for something else maybe?

It's so easy to get hooked into a relatioship were someone use's rejection as a tool to control. Especially if you are a little co or a
very giving kind person.
I agree to not want to see someone is ok and endings are great. However to break a relationship when you are seeing someone else and put the blame on them is not exactly honest. Also very manipulative.

Can destroy that person's self esteem.
If they don't know what is happining.
Most women don't know and men for that fact.

So as I say again there are a ton of people waiting to meet and care about
you. Don't take any of this on.
Let go and give it to God or higher
power. I still believe he's a jerk
And I am not going to sugar coat that!

It's sounds like abusive rejection.
NOT healthy closure....

Good Luck! Memphis Keep us posted Be good to yourself. You are worth it!
CAK

August 3, 2004
11:26 am
Avatar
memphis
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow thank all of you.......I have off today and dont have a computer but I couldnt wait to get to the library to read this board...I am doing for myself today. I sat in the Chapel and prayed and now am reading this board. I am praying for all of us..so we can get on with life. I have a big yellow rubberband on my wrist to remind me I am sick.....snap it when I think about him and yellow to show promise.....and that there is hope....I am getting a dose of beautiful people on this board. Thank you and pray for all of our problems that keep us from going in the right direction.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
35
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38535
Posts: 714196
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer