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thinking about finding a marriage conselor
January 16, 2002
1:37 pm
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hangingon
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I have been married for almost 4 years, I have a 3 year old daughter. I am going to be 27 next week and my husband will be 31. I believe we both need to grow up, we go out and party to much. I know and have known what kind of parent I want to be and I have not been doing it because I am to busy trying to keep up with my husband and doing what he wants to do. I am not saying I am at not at fault. I just don't know how to get back on track and spend more time as a family. We say we are not going to go out as much, and the only night we go out is everyother Saturday, but that never happens and we just fight about it. And he has issues with smoking mj. I don't think he needs to do it and it makes him very moody. Yeah he is a good mood when he is and in a bad mood when he is not. So is he depressed? There are just so many things I can't even go into it all. But What I really want to do is start counselling, but with him there I don't know how he will react if I tell them everything that goes on. He went to a counselor because he had to after a drunk driving and he did not tell him the truth, who is to say he will tell the truth and be honest about his feelings if we do. I have seriously thought about div. but I want to do what is best for my daughter.

January 16, 2002
2:15 pm
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Molly
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the first thing a marriage counselor will tell you is no drugs or alcohol for at least 60 days. Its impossible to work on anything when your stoned.
His moodiness is most likely caused by the mj. you bury the whatevers with the smoke, and guess what when the smoke clears, there is all the crap that you didn't deal with plus more. In a relationship your only as strong as the weakest link, unfortunately the dark side has more power. Leave him alone for the time being, he will either get on track, or be left in the tracks.... You take controll of your self, your kids and your house. You set up the schedules, the budgets, and make the plans. If he is stoned or drunk don't talk to him, let him know that as long as he is doing that , his relationship is with the weed, and not the family. The kids will pick up on it, they know a hell of a lot more than we think they do, might not language it for a few years, but they will get it, damn those dare programs any how, can't you see it, oh my daddy smokes a pipe like that, oh my daddy smokes funny cigs. It can happen and does. There are groups like alanon that can help you with the stregnth to draw boundrylines, or coda can help. Make sure you get your self financially protected just in case he gets another dui, or worse, or you do file for divorce one of these days. Get the book Relational Rescue, and look at you , sure your not the innocent one, but your wanting change, so let the change begin with you.

January 17, 2002
4:01 pm
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youngs
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