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Things that make me vomit
November 27, 2001
4:54 pm
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silence
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You know, I discovered something a few weeks ago. I think I am now allergic to toothpaste. Every time I brush my teeth in the morning, after I spit it out, I turn to the toilet bowl and have a nasty puke of stomach acids. I don't eat before I shower so my stomach is empty. I never had this problem before. Now it's happening every day.

And I'm pissed at the world today. Too much end of the semester stress. This is all compuned by the fact that I can't ask that girl out in my Tues/Thurs class. Today I drove to school absolutely sure that I was going to do it... and damnit if she wasn't there. I spent an hour and a half alone on a couch waiting for her to show up.

To top it all off I have to revise 2 essays and finish 2 film projects within the next week. I don't need this early morning vomiting.

The only thing I want right now is to fall asleep held tight in someones arms, like one of my early girlfriends. I miss those days. That was the only time in my life I felt good about everything. Too bad it only lasted 3 weeks and I was too young to appreciate it at the time.

And what really pisses me off is how could the Rams lose last night? I mean come on, can't they keep a hold on the friggin ball.

Grrrr. I'm ready to puke my guts out again.

November 27, 2001
5:09 pm
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Molly
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Why don't you try changing tooth paste, like dude, gotta brush those teeth to get a girl. You can even just brush with out tooth paste, or maybe have something to eat first.
sorry about the girl, but Thursday is just a day away, keep the faith, and about the Rams, ugh ugh ugh Puke.

November 27, 2001
6:03 pm
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gypsygirl
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Every time I use mouthwash I get a bad sore throat.

November 27, 2001
7:25 pm
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silence
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I think you all have me wrong here. I know I don't smell like a bed of roses, but I like to think that my breath isn't that bad. I am brushing my teeth every morning despite the puking. I gargle mouthwash before I leave the house anyway and I'm always chewing gum. No, my problem stems from the fact that I am throwing up every morning when I give my mouth the initial scrub.

The girl is a tougher matter. I find maybe 1 or 2 girls a semester that I like to look at and think about. But something is different about this girl. She makes me feel weird like my first girlfriend. The one that ripped my heart out and stomped on it until I really wanted to die. But this girl in my school seems a lot nicer than my first girlfriend. She's not anything like her personality wise, but something about the way she turns my insides gives me a strong feeling of deja vu. As a result it took me about 2 months just to talk to her, for the past month we have talked before class about lots of things. Usually family, and friends. She talks a lot more than I do which is fine by me. I'm a good listener. One of my few finer traits. I think she wants me to ask her out, but it's so damn hard for me to do it when the time comes. And she doesn't make it any easier the way she darts out of class as soon as it's over. I don't want to ask her out before class starts. For some reason it would just be awkward.

And I can't route for the cowboys since I live in the Philly area. I'd get my ass shot just wearing anything with a star on it. The fans out here are ruthless. Rams are accepted though. A lot of Faulk jerseys around here. When the Eagles really sucked a lot of us turned to new teams. That's why the Rams have a respectable following around here. Unfortunately the Eagles are almost looking like a real team again. I still don't know if I'd route for them though.

November 27, 2001
10:01 pm
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silence
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Yeah, but that analogy doesn't exactly work that well, because you've already eaten the cherry by that point. you can't go back and eat it again. So then you end up eating cherry after cherry looking for another perfect one. When does it all stop?

Gemini. And born in the Chinese year of the dragon. Any other signs you think are relevent?

And I'm going to stand by the Rams for now. They just better not screw up as bad as they did last night again. 8^P

November 30, 2001
11:18 am
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I have a cherry that needs to be eaten. oh wait it has been already.

I am year of the dragon too!

November 30, 2001
6:00 pm
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silence
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TMI. heh heh

Yeah. It's weird being the only mythical creature on the Chinese calendar. Always the outcast...

Is there something wrong with being a gemini here? What months are scorpio anyway?

December 1, 2001
12:29 am
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gypsygirl
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Scorpio is november (mean bastards)

December 1, 2001
7:23 am
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lowest self esteem on earth
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Hey! I'm Scorpio and dragon! (LOL)

December 1, 2001
11:31 am
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Cici
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I'm gonna but in here and mention that vomiting stomach acids isn't really an allergic reaction. I did it too when I first got into college and I let it go, thinking it would go away. Anyway, long story short, I ended up having a stress ulcer from freaking out about school all the time. You may want to try taking some antacids before bedtime because that's when your stomach acids are secreted in the most quantity. Just try some Pepcid, you may be pleasantly surprised.

I say this because I care, ha ha, and because having an ulcer hurts and sucks. Take care!

December 1, 2001
11:49 am
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eve
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Hey, Cici!

you sound much better again, how're you doing? Being busy having a stressful pre-Christmas time?
Eve

December 1, 2001
11:52 am
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silence
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Not that I really believe in all of that astrological bullcrap anyway... The newspaper keeps saying I'm going to have good days and make lots of money yet I'm still miserable and poor. Go figure.

I'm not throwing up a massive amount of stomach acids. Maybe a mouthful at most. And that's after at least 4 different heaves. After I brush my teeth my throat itches and my stomach starts to turn. After that I'm just emptying whatever is in the stomach at that moment. I am more convinced that it is some bodily reaction to the toothpaste rather than an ulcer of the stomach. But, you're right. There might be something else wrong with me that a doctor might be able to shed some light on. Fortunately school is over after this week, so I'll have plenty of time to procrastinate going to the doctor's afterwards.

December 1, 2001
12:03 pm
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gypsygirl
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Is it the last thing you do before you leave for school? (brush your teeth?) maybe it is that you are so nervous about school that you associate brushing your teeth with school and it makes you sick. What are you thinking about when you brush your teeth? Do you have social anxiety?

December 1, 2001
3:15 pm
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silence
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Social anxiety... I guess so. I find it hard to talk to people I don't know. I usually just sit by myself most of the time. But I don't really dread school anymore. Not since I grew out and up in high school. I used to hate going to school because I'd get beat up and made fun of all day long. But that stopped when I looked more menacing than I did when I was younger.

I brush my teeth after I take my shower. Usually the first thing I do after I wake up. And I don't cut my mornings close so I arrive at school just in the nick of time. I like to show up at least 30 minutes early whenever I go anywhere. So I don't think it's anxiety about school. I think the toothpaste is hitting a gag reflex in the back of my mouth. It might also have something to do with being so soon after I wake up. Because I didn't puke when I brushed my teeth this afternoon. I've been up since 9 this morning but didn't go up to take my shower until 3pm.

It could be any number of things adding up to this reaction. Lately when I'm brushing my teeth I'm thinking to myself, "Please don't puke this time." My thoughts don't go much deeper than that when I'm scrubbing.

December 1, 2001
3:21 pm
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silence
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BTW. Here's my horoscope for the day:

Gemini
A dashing and rich new friend will pique your interest in a new arena. You may relocate with happy results. Ask for references - it's favored. You'll see a great ad in the classifieds this afternoon. Ask for directions if you get lost.

I don't even know where to begin on how wrong this reading is. Let's just say that I've spent the past 6 hours playing an old video game because I had nothing else better to do this morning. And I'll probably go back to playing it for the rest of the night because I have nothing better to do at night as well. It kinda sucks having no friends to hang around with anymore.

December 1, 2001
3:39 pm
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artist 2
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Hey Silence? You could be like me a drink and smoke because you're miserable. You could be like me trying to get rid of the emptiness by buying all sorts of crap. I guess I could use a good video game right about now.

December 1, 2001
6:56 pm
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silence
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I guess this is why my psychiatrists hated me. Nobody seems to be able to tell me anything accurate about myself. Like when I was 11 years old my parents had the school give me an IQ test. It came back as untestable. I'm just a pain in the ass to mentally get a hold on.

I don't smoke. never saw the point in it. I don't drink because I got drunk once and did too many evil things that my friends forbid me from ever doing it again. I'm even a non-materialist. I wear the same clothes day in and day out. Every other month I'll amass a pile of REALLY dirty clothes that I have to wash. Other than that I don't spend money because I don't have or make money.

Video games have been the only stable thing in my life. Growing up in a house by myself... Nintendo was the only friend I had. Although I don't play games nearly as much as I used to. In fact today is the first time I've switched on my playstation since the school semester began in August.

December 7, 2001
10:07 am
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gypsygirl
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People who claim that we are going to hell because we have not accepted god the way they think that we should.Because we have not been baptiezed into thier church.

What was that scripture that says something about judge not lest you be judged????????

Besides are we not already in hell? how much worse can it get?

Just my opinion.... ORGINIZED RELIGION is BULLSHIT. Just another way for the rich to get richer. "you must give ten percent! You do not want to perish do you?"

December 8, 2001
1:51 am
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gypsygirl
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I kinda like this as a church. Man if I keep this up I'll surely get into heaven

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