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Things are getting better
October 5, 2003
1:27 pm
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darth
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September 27, 2010
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Things are getting better in our lives. My wife is finding herself. With the help of al-anon, and support from that group.She is learning to deal with her childhood past with a new perspective, learning to let go and realize that her pain and the way her unhealthy childhood went right into her adulthood is not her fault.Realizing this for her and learning about it for my own self has made alot of the guilt and resentments we hold easier to let go and to turn that pain into empathy which is a lot easier to accept and deal with.To try to be more kind to ourselves, because we are good people and desrve to be happy.We have separated for a while, it was hard at first and knowone outside understands how you can do that without anger or resentment, we still love each other very much and have not given up at all, we just realized fortunately before it was to late that we needed some time apart to heal, and to recover a little on our own terms. We have since been dating and still share our responsibilities to our children who will most of all benefit from this process. Hopefully they will not have to deal with alcohol or codependency as we have, that thier lives will be whole and to learn to grow with healthy self worth and respect. Believing in themselves and knowing we will be there for them in times of need, not all of the time.My wife and I now communicate on such a new and healthy level, we dont react to each other we listen, we talk and we now are beginning to understand how sick we both were. We are so lucky to have stopped the insanity in our lives and learn to ask for help.Me with AA her with Al- Anon. These support systems are a beautiful thing if you accept them, I believe they have saved ours and our childrens lives from many years of pain and suffering. Final note I have found my spiritual self and believe in a higher power, my wife is finding it hard to go there. For me it plays a big role in my recovery, for anyone in pain if you can let it go and let God in I believe it really does make the ride a little bit smoother.

BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD!!!!!

Thank you all for being there for me and us in our times of need! GOD BLESS

October 5, 2003
2:18 pm
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unhappy camper
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I salute you Darth. 🙂

You are so strong in your resolve. I can feel your sincerity and I'm very impressed with you.

Slow steady progress for you both will surely result in a happy ending.

I'm as pleased as punch! Wooohooo!

October 5, 2003
2:29 pm
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Ladeska
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WOW, what a beautiful post that was! Thank you so much for sharing that with all of us!! I am just soo glad for you guys. You know...I had a dear friend die a couple of years ago, had hip replacement, healthy fit man, vibrant and died from a blood clot right after surgery. Talk about a shock!! Beautiful man, just loved him to pieces and we all still miss him horribly. I worked with him also. But what I wanted to tell you was....about a side to this man that few knew at work. I did, but didn't really "know" the depth of it all until I went to a memorial service at an AA meeting...

He was a sponsor and had been for many, many years. He didn't live here anymore, had retired and moved to Florida but did come back and do consultation for us. But he was still very active with this chapter and devoted himself to it when it came back..

I have to tell you that the "love" that was in that place, in those people, for this man, was overwhelming. I still cry thinking about it. I have never seen so many people collected in one place, talking about how "one" man had touched their lives. The whole thing just pierced me through. I was a slobbering idiot when it came time for me to talk.

He was just one of the most "real" people I have ever met and like you - he almost bit the big one years ago. His life was totally out of control. Made alot of money, lived in NY, good job, had alot of friends, nice family, etc. Had it all....but alchohol slowly claimed his life until it was almost gone.

He found AA and got his life back on track and finally became a guide and support for sooo many others. He sat across from me one night at dinner and just looked at me intently and said - tell me "your" story...I know you have one. I had never told him about my child abuse and all that, so I said - you sure? He smiled and nodded. So, I told him and tears started rolling down his face. He reached out over our plates and got my hand and said....I just want you to know that, if I had of been in your life, I would have done everything in my power to have freed you from all of that.

Other people have said it but when he said it - I knew he meant it with everything inside him and it just went to my core. He said "now" I very much understand what I sensed in you over all these years. We talked alot that night on another level. He just had so much grace about himself. Dignity and integrity in a man that I find so rare these days.

I'm so glad that you and your wife have taken this path.....and so what if no one else understands whatever. It's not their life - it's yours.

I think it's just Awesome what you are doing and how you are going about it. I've always said that people don't have to live with each other at certain times in their lives. For some people, it might even be good to live in different residences and be exclusive, but just date. I'm not against that being a way of "being married". Why not? It doesn't have to last forever, but what if it did? Does it mean you are any less in love or any less committed? No. Some people just might need their personal space for whatever reason. Where is it written, thou shalt live in the same dwelling in order to be married?

Hey, to me - that might make it even more exciting to have a constant "dating" relationship! (smile)

Well you just feel welcome here, even now, through this new journey and hope this isn't goodbye or anything. We'll be your cheerleaders!!! Come here for a kick in the butt or a big hug! Whatever you need!! Thanks again for making me smile REAL big over here this morning and that's quite the feat. I'm not awake yet! If you could see the goofy smile attached to this fuzzy head, you'd pee yourself. I'm a real sight this morning. Scared myself when I looked in the mirror! HUGS!! And give your wife a big hug from us, too!!

October 5, 2003
3:25 pm
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mj
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Thanks for sharing 🙂
You're inspirational!!!!

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