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Thin line/sanity
May 2, 2005
6:51 pm
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facdlfp
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September 30, 2010
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I am very grateful for this anonymous forum to know I am able to express myself and know I'll be heard by... someone!
THe deal is that I feel so divided-- i live a normal, very good life. Work family spouse. I am mostly functional. On the other hand, I want to close my eyes for good. I would like to inflict pain on myself. To even say this out loud sounds foreign and bizarre. It bothers me to have this rattling around in my functional life. I've been in counseling, meds, etc. I am living a good life, and I'm happy. So why does this still have the power to haunt me and interfere?

May 2, 2005
7:24 pm
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on my way
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September 29, 2010
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I do not know, but welcome to this site.
Could it possibly be that you feel deep inside that you do not deserve to be happy? Do you remember anyone from your past...a parent, a teacher, a role model, that told you or made you feel that you did not deserve to be happy?

May 2, 2005
7:57 pm
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Randomwomen2
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September 29, 2010
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i am going through the same kinda thing hun you are not alone. I have 2 boys and they are wonderful but i find myself unhappy all the time and i starve myself as a way of inflicting pain. So i do know and we are all here for you anytime you want to talk about things

May 3, 2005
1:19 am
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newly understanding myself
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Thin line/sanity. yep, me too. there are the times I almost feel like driving into a brick wall. Teenage kid, husband in another city, stressful job. Pain seems like an alternative because then there would be a reason why I feel bad.
But NO! that isn't right - it's just self destructive to me. I am choosing to LIVE by becoming aware of my pain, looking at it, agonizing in it, but learning to recognize that IT IS OK that I feel pain, even when I have a nice house, nice car, nice jewelry (yeah, who really cares though) and shouldn't feel anything bad. this forum is good for me because I can read what everyone else feels and realize that I am not alone. I am not making up the way I feel. If I can identify why I am unhappy (in pain) then make a choice to try to change it I will be ok. You will too. Don't discount for a second or try to second guess your feelings. Let them out. Name them. Them think about what you (yes you) need for you! 🙂

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