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THERE IS NO ANSWER...I GIVE UP
August 28, 2006
4:03 am
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Anonymous
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P&L, youยดve got some great help. You need to be strong for those things that YOU want and need to achieve. Dont worry about appearances for true professional never fall and need to make a come back because they never leave in the eyes of the really significant people. You know your business so all the bad times are just phases in your life... (((P&L)))

August 28, 2006
7:00 am
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Dear P&L:

No, I do not know you and you don't know me. I recognize your situation and your response to it from my own experiences, however.

From your analysis which you expressed so well, I can see that you understand. Now that you understand, it is up to you to take the action necessary to protect yourself. I think that you are going to do it. You have the ability to do it and you are a determined person.

The resolve is clear now from your tone. You have lost the desperation of someone willing to do anything to hold onto the situation. Good for you.

I also learned much from http://www.joy2meu.com He wrote:

"The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

We all must determine bottom line acceptable behavior and reject anything that crosses it. Our first responsiblity is to ourselves.

One more concept that I learned from Carnes: to be vulnerable.

The most important skill to acquire and use in recovery is the capacity to get a consultation. To get a consultation means to involve people in what goes on in your own interior world. The dumb thoughts. The scary thoughts. The garbled thoughts. The irrational fears. The angry, vengeful fantasies. The nightmares. The unspoken desire. By sharing with others, you have an examined life. People know who you are. They also help you with their perspectives and ideas. They bring reality and problem-solving skills to your life. This process allows for integration of the darker side of yourself and acceptance of your humanness.

For the survivor whose vulnerability as been exploited, this risk may first appear insurmountable. It is from the sharing of stories, however,that trust starts to build. Common experience reduces the isolation of shame. (p. 207)

I think that many on this board were giving you such a consultation. They were telling you the same thing but you either could not see it or you didn't want to hear because you wanted a different outcome than what the solutions they proposed would have produced.

I am glad that you see a ray of hope. Don't worry so much about your spelling and being perfect. Go out and have some fun! Live! Enjoy ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a great week!

M&S

August 28, 2006
9:19 am
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StronginHim77
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No job is so important that we cannot walk away from it. We are not WHAT WE DO...our value is not predicated on our resume, but on WHO WE ARE and HOW WE TREAT OTHERS.

Rest in that.

- Strong

August 28, 2006
2:55 pm
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M&S

When you are the editor of journals, you worry about spelling among a thousand other things that could affect your reputation.

See my point? My work has defined me.

P&L

August 28, 2006
5:24 pm
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I am so tired of being a victim! Wow, I really have had enough. I don't have to take it.

August 28, 2006
6:33 pm
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OMG - he is trying to scare me again. He won't quit...:(

August 28, 2006
9:23 pm
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I am drawing my line in the sand. Get ready. I have been pushed and pushed.

August 28, 2006
9:34 pm
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confused as heck
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Document, Document, Document! Get a copy of those documents into the hands of someone you can trust, like a lawyer.

You can do it!

August 29, 2006
12:13 am
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free
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(((P&L)))

August 29, 2006
12:22 am
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thanks, Confused!

Well, phase 2 is unfolding in record time. I have no choice now, but to move quickly. I have no time to think of my fears. I hope this will end matters soon, although they will fight back. I must do what I have been what my professional counsel has advised. There is no question about it. The boundary has been determined. I don't feel safe, but I have to have the courage.

Once this is over, I will work on my other boundaries. Actually, I am working with the innocent people now, and trying to help them be less dependent emotionally. I am trying to free myself from that. I don't regret having been a kind, loving, ethical person. I am not sorry. I just have to be able to take care of me as well without getting hurt.

Doomsday is upon me. Yes, I am still scared of the outcome, but I have decided I have no choice, and I am choosing to what I believe is right. I hope the truth sets me free someday. Please pray for me.

August 29, 2006
1:06 am
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gracenotes
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P&L

I was kicked out of a eight year year long employment due to professional jealously of an "n" who would manuevered a situation to make me responsibile for something I did not even do. In reality, I was more competent, better educated, and had a much better reputation in the field this this idiot. But, I was canned, and he still works there.

The first thing I found out after I was fired was how much I was appreciated in my field for the way I positively dealt with other people. My reputation was never tarnished by being fired. The administration of this company were seen for the unfair jerks they are and the guy who manipulated things to get me fired still is a nuisance to just about everyone there and has a terrible reputation. I think he stays there because no one else would hire him. After being fired, I went on unemployment for awhile, started my own small business and enjoyed that for awhile. It was something I always wanted to do. I did it, but eventually found it it really was not for me. A lot of women, especially, after a time, get so fed up with the politics of organizations, that they decide to start their own business and are successful.

I also contacted an attorney and ended up sinking a lot of money in trying to fight things. But, I learned that the legal system has little to do with what is fair, just, and ethical. It seems that the person with the most money wins the case. I finally settled for a settlement that at least made the offending party obligated to keep his mouth shut and the fire was changed to quit for the records. But, pending lawsuits are very draining and I stepped out of this process early on. Wasn't worth it.

I also came across a book that might be helpful to you. It tells it like it is. Not a happy book, but a realisic book with ideas. It is called The Bulley At Work (What You Can DO to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity On the Job). by Gary Namie and Ruth Namie. If you are employed and want to fight this, this book is full of good ideas.

Finally, my life took a different turn. I ended up getting another job. I had no problem getting references. I still have friends at my former employee, and I will never think of my reputation as tarnished. Most, if not all, people saw this for what it was. I had many nice lunches with people who, now my being outside of the organization, could speak freely and positively about me and what they really thought about the organization and the person who lied and manipulated to get me fired.

Before I was fired, I had planned on leaving the organization soon, either to go back to school, and/or work part-time and pursue my real creative passion. I am currently going to school and working part time and pursuing this passion.

Looking back, as much all this hurt, I feel like being fired was a blessing in disguise. I learned what other people thought of me, I learned how to stand up for myself using legal help, I learned that my reputation was not tarnished, I was given unemployment for six months (enough to live on) so I could regroup and start my own business for awhile, and begin a new life.

There is hope, and yes, do pray about this. Every problem has an answer and you will know the right thing to do.

August 29, 2006
1:24 am
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Thank you for sharing your story, Gracenotes. Yes, I have read the bullying literature. Tim Field's book also is excellent. I am glad you found a better life for yourself. As you know, fighting a bully and his allies usually doesn't result in a win no matter how hard one tries, especially when a big beauracracy is involved. Sad.

Well, I am glad it worked out for you to move on. I loved my job and got a doctorate in my field, and I reached the highest level attainable professionally, making it hard to walk or switch majors now. I could put the word out I am on the market. I would have to leave family. It may come to that. For now, I will see what plays out once I leave the toxic situation and see how much damage that causes here...I am fearing the unknown. However, I have a lot more leverage than I thought, and it may not be as bad as I fear. I really don't know what to expect. I know I did not do anything to deserve this, and I have tons of documentation. Oh well, we will see what matters in the end...I just would like to get back to normal and doing what I do best, and I didnt get all this education to fight battles or figure out political moves. I just am a simple, straightforward, kind person. I won't engage anymore.

August 29, 2006
11:51 pm
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gracenotes
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P&L.

I am truly sorry things are the way they are. I also sensed some hopefulness in your last post. You have made some decisions that are right for you.

Maybe it just isn't as bad as you fear it is. Other people will need to take care of themselves. I think you are right about how fighting a bully is a no win situation. We get all these degrees, and end up trying to fight all these political battles. Such is life. And, it is simple, straightforward, kind folks like us who tend to be targets for the bulleys.

Take care, prayers.

August 30, 2006
12:13 am
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I did it. I walked. A huge weight has been lifted. I still haeve my project, but not me. Now he wil fail. I dont wish him harm. I am doing it to save myslef. I informed the necessary admin and had their support, or so it seems. They said I handled it well. I helieve that the bad guy is being found out and in big trouble. I cannot go into details, but I cannot be associated him

I faced the scariest thing in my career, but the told me the plan they will set in place to keep from those who want to seek revenge for my doing what is right and in the process not engaging in the wrongdoig.

It has been as scary year. I have decided I am doing playing. I did what I had to do, and it was the most courageoos move I have ever made in my life. It seemed to go well, but wee will see. They said I was very professional. Whatever, words mean nothing right now. They need to help the innocent people who were harmed, including me. I am workin on letting go. Having the weight off my shoulders is a huge relief, if that is in fact not a political tactic. Regardless, I AM DONE. I AM DONE. I AM DONE.

August 30, 2006
1:08 am
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I meant he still has my project but not me.

Sorry for the late night typos. I am functioning on no sleep. That's what happens...just wanted to share my update if you can decipher what I was saying.

Gonna go crash out of relief. I hope they meant what they said and I am protected now, even though I had to cut my losses.

I will keep u posted.

THANKS TO ALL of you for your amazing kindness, insights, support, and just being you when I needed you. With much fondness and gratitude. Hugs, peace, love, and the serenity we all seek; that is what I wish for each of you! P&L

August 30, 2006
1:12 am
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Keep up your guard. Document. Everything.

free

August 30, 2006
1:19 am
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free

No shit. Everytime I think it is over, something happens. This time, it really might be....or it is a trick. I am not getting too comfortable. Thanks for getting it. XOXO, P&L

August 30, 2006
2:38 am
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Good for you!

I agree with Free. Get some rest. Take care of yourself and stay on guard.

M & S

August 30, 2006
6:47 am
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M&S

My heartfelt thanks to you. You did more for me than you will ever know, as did the rest of this site.

SC

Thank you for allowing me here.

Peace & Love

August 30, 2006
7:52 am
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Dear P&L:

You did it for yourself for all the right reasons.

You are a woman of convictions and a person to be reckoned with, petite but mighty ๐Ÿ™‚

I hope that all works out well for you.

M&S

August 30, 2006
8:31 am
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Thank you, M&S! I hope to offer you support as you need it anytime too. You are amazing. ๐Ÿ™‚

August 30, 2006
12:25 pm
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I am off to work! I posted on another thread.."Congratulations P&L" Yes, I congratulated myself. Silly, I know. This thread was getting too long. I started a more positive thread. Maybe I will see ya'll there. THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE, from the bottom of my heart.

Now, it is time to get back to doing what I do best. I pray I can without anymore distraction. I hope this will be over now. I should know for sure soon. IF not, I suppose I will need more support. However, I may approach it differently from what I have learned. I plan to approach many things differently now that I know I need stronger boundaries at work.

You have all helped me more than you will ever know. You and a few real life people. Regardless, I have learned a lot from just this one thread...not to mention others. It really is amazing how people can rally around someone in need. I hope I can do that for any of you...just get my attention. I will repay you gladly.

With much love and gratitude to the AAC community, P&L

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