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thedogsmom - hey there :o)
March 7, 2007
11:24 am
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Shaney
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Hey there tdm - thank you for the sweet post on lettingo's thread. You're always so kind and heartfelt - and I appreciate you so much. You're definitely one to be counted on - one of those giving, responsible souls that are few and far between in this life... and I know that you would offer up your home in an instant, if we actually did know eachother.... not to mention the 401K and savings plan that go hand in hand when living at your house. HA!! Remember that? That damn man doesn't know how great he really has it, does he? Drugs and drinking are a strong force, I guess. I don't know what I would have done if my h continued with the drugs a couple of years ago. I see so many of you going through so many years of this, and I just don't think that could have done that. It was such a struggle for the period of time that I did go through it, but it pales in comparison to what most of you have endured. I was fortunate - M quit. I wish I had the answer as to WHY, so I could pass it on to you, but there are so many factors that play in to those situations. My most general, generic answer, is that M was stronger than the drugs. Thank God - because I would have left and not looked back, as hard as that would have been. I've just never had a tolerance for lying and drugging - those go hand in hand - and I was really blindsided by M's drug use. It was hard.

I always wish the best for you, and hope that one day you'll find the strength to move away from the toxic situation that you've found yourself in. You're really getting there, though, and I know it's coming. Until then, just keep taking those steps forward, no matter how many you may take backwards. Love to you, my friend. Hand in there - love - Shaney

March 7, 2007
11:26 am
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Shaney
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"Hand" in there...... I meant, HANG!

hahaha

March 11, 2007
4:50 pm
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Shaney
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bumping this up because I haven't seen you around lately.

How's it going?

March 11, 2007
5:21 pm
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thedogsmom
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Hello Shaney,

Thanks- I guess I missed this thread-too bad-- I needed the laugh a few days ago- but laughing a bit now! I just read part of Lolli3's long thread and really reaped the benefits of the good advice you and plz and ALL the others are giving to her to help her QUIT this toxic dude- ONCE and FOR ALL.

Thanks for sharing your story . I am SO happy for you and for your family that your husband found it in himself to quit the drinking/drugs. I guess there are some HAPPY endings here and there are a FEW people who are able to kick an addiction. Your husband probably knew that you DID mean it and WOULD pack up and LEAVE --IF he wouldn't quit. And his love for you and his desire to stay in the relationship along with HIS OWN inner strength helped him to find a way.

I don't look to fool myself in thinking that mine will turn out the same. I think my guy is really weak. And I think thats why he's drinking and drugging and hanging out with 'those' people to begin with. It's much more likely that I will find the strength to push forward with the move-out date--(-3 more paychecks and 7 more LONG -weeks!!!) and then CAVE IN and take him back when he comes knocking around my door crying--- and end up in Lolli's situation crying my heart out here again--- most likely with a different name cause I already feel like a darn IDIOT!

Sometimes I wake up at night and think "I am such a friggin IDIOT!!" I don't know how I ended up here in this NO-WIN situation. Call it BLIND-LOVE???? Low- self esteem???? or just call me an IDIOT!
I refuse to believe that this man doesn't love me. I refuse to think that he cheated on me. I pretend to myself=-- that he is this wonderfully nice guy who has low self esteem and turned to drugs and got himself good and addicted and he doesn't mean to hurt me-- and he loves me and he would NEVER cheat on me! but just a few days ago- I looked through the camera I bought him for the vacation to Europe that I took him on!!! and found pictures of two different girls breasts!
I went home from work and told him that I saw the pictures- that it was very painful for me to see. That he is still hurting me. That I don't deserve it and that i need for him to hurry and move out because he is driving me crazy and I am hurting. I told him that the NEXT time...ha ha...I am SO BRAVE___--- the NEXT time I find 'disturbing' surprises that he will be in the streets that day! What an idiot.
It hurts so BAD. I know I must make him move out now---for my own sanity. I just wanted to SCREAM and HIT him and destroy his CAR and property. But
all I did was cry and feel sorry for myself and go to bed.
I will SURVIVE this. I wish I could be and stay angry at him . I can't but I can just keep looking at him like he is this alien addict and that for now- while he is addicted and SICK that there is NOTHING I can do but PUT HIM OUT!!
I'm thinking of moving in with my mom- just till he leaves so I won't have to look at him and feel sorry for him- he is losing weight and looks terrible-- like a real crackhead that he is!
TDM

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