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The world according to my S.O.
February 14, 2001
10:26 am
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Evanah
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He belittles. He jumps down our throats. We can't have a different opinion because his is the only right one. If we disagree or stand up for ourselves, he goes on a tangent of yelling and old issues always resurface to strengthen his ego even if the old issues have been resolved. We walk on egg shells. After things cool down, we don't dare bring up these behavioral issues because we'll only end up "the ones at fault" again. We treasure the happy times.

I've been very stressed with this situation more so in the past 6 months than ever before. I feel a great burdon. I have not been my usual happy person lately. I want to get him to realise how he makes us feel. How can I open the eyes of a person who thinks that he's always right and thinks everyone else around him are incompetant to meet up with his expectations. Sure, humans screw up. He's intolerant of that. Please give me some suggestions. Thanx.

February 14, 2001
6:45 pm
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Dilly
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He is the one with the problem not you or yours. Why should you compromise your feelings? you are all being bullied, and, unfortunately , you are to blame because you are allowing it to happen! stand up for yourself and your ideals, tell himm to go to hell, and when he accepts that you are a person in your own right, with your own opinions which should be respected, then you can discuss things on equal terms, and not (as he obviously has come to expect) with you as the under-dog and he as superior. Give it a go. you will be surprised how effective it is!

February 14, 2001
6:56 pm
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Molly
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Always use I statements when referring to what ever he has done. You own the power to empower his words and actions. It takes two, if your not engaged in the drama, what is he going to do toss him self on the floor? When he starts the rage, jsut excuse your self, and state it is not acceptable. Walk away with out a response. Often time in these situations will cause you confusion, and lead to depression, or illness, repressed anger which I think I heard from you inbetween the lines of frustration is also a path to depression. No wonder your not your self. I believe there is a site for verbal abuse it was posted on here months ago, perhaps some one else will be able to remember, irene something. Take care, and remember it is only your problem if you continue to continue the the cycle.

February 14, 2001
7:15 pm
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Evanah
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Thank you both for your responses. It's hard to break out of the pattern of being the submissive peacemaker. That road was paved long ago before I knew better. I promise to stand my ground. I only have my self respect to gain from it. I appreciate your answers.

February 14, 2001
8:20 pm
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janes
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Hope all is going well.

Trust your self. If you don't like the behavior...I agree with Molly..simply excuse yourself from the situation.

February 14, 2001
11:16 pm
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Pollyan
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Sounds like your S.O. has the an approach like a dentist's drill. He's the kind of person you can't ask to act like a human being... because they don't do imitations.

What these type of people need most is T.L.C. It is amazing how the give-them-love-and-kindness can knock the wind out of their sails and even begin to turn them around. It might not happen immediately, but eventually a kinder more docile person will emerge.

If everything you do fails or if he ever becomes physically violent, taking out hostility on you, your only recourse is to say good-bye, adios, sayonara, and never look back.

February 14, 2001
11:33 pm
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Alena
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September 24, 2010
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Nobody can live like that for very long. You may think you are surviving his personality, but you are not. You are in the midst of losing your spirit right now. Do not tolerate it. Do not let him steal your spirit.

Approach him when he is calm about going for some anger management help, or couple counseling. If he resists,
if he threatens you with more anger and will not give you a chance to tell him what it is doing to you, then end it. I don't know how long you've been with him, it doesn't matter. I can tell you it's a very slow, agonizing death watching your spirit being slowly snuffed out. And that's exactly what happens when you are not allowed to be YOU. And if you have children you will see the affects of his behavior in them for years to come and regret it. Regrets are unrelenting.

Take care of yourself.

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