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The ultamatim Please read
September 15, 2005
12:48 am
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Randomwomen2
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I think he is afraid that he is going to loose me so if i get buckled down with another babby then i cant leave

September 15, 2005
12:49 am
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that makes sense too. why do you think you are falling out of love?? is he a different person? does the medication really help you or does it just make you numb to life??

September 15, 2005
12:53 am
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i'm really curious about you...are there specific reasons you feel you should probably leave him or is it just because you don't feel the same?

September 15, 2005
12:53 am
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Randomwomen2
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I was sexualy abused for 10 years and i was forced to use drugs and drink alchoal too. My councler said it is one of the worst casses of child abuse she has worked with. I have no problem talking aboout it if you ever have any questions just ask

September 15, 2005
12:57 am
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i was sexually abused too...who sexually abused you? your parents? have you always been open about this or was it just more recent??

you amaze me for all of the things that you have been through and you still have such a good heart from what i can see. just by your comments to people and your advice you seem like a really great person. i hope that you stay on the right track because you deserve to be happy. i know its easier said cuz i've been through a lot too but i hope that what you have been through does not hold you back for the rest of your life and i pray that you get through it and can put it behind you.

September 15, 2005
12:59 am
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Shaney
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Wow, random, I had no idea. I can see now that you've been controlled for years in an awful situation. You're 22 years old now, and have a right to the life you want. At 10, you didn't have a choice. At 22, I'd rather piss someone off, and know I'm doing what is good for me, than clam up and take more abuse. You matter - stand up for yourself.

September 15, 2005
1:00 am
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Randomwomen2
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I was abused by my mother and father they both had equal parts i still have massive nightmares about it but talking about it realy helps. Ihave massive flash backs too well it took up 10 years of my life so i just take it one day at a time. my ex step father is due to get out of prison in 3 weeks and i am terrified

September 15, 2005
1:01 am
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is he in prison for what he did to you?? do you think he will look for you? how long have you been on medication?

September 15, 2005
1:03 am
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it started when i was 3 and lasted until i was 13 i dont know a drug that they didnt inject into my arm or a licqur that i didnt drink. i remember hiding surenges under my feel while a cop pulled us over for speeding but my nightmares get horrid the problem is that there all memories

September 15, 2005
1:04 am
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Shaney
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You are really scaring the hell out of me. Are you in a safe situation right now, considering that he's getting out of prison? One day at a time is the only way some times. That's another PERFECT reason why planning for a baby in the next 16 months is a ridiculous expectation on your husband's part. Gosh - I'm overwhelmed for you right now.

September 15, 2005
1:04 am
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so is that what the medication helps you with more is the memories, nightmares, and flashbacks?? how is your husband about all of this is he supportive? does he know it all?

September 15, 2005
1:07 am
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Randomwomen2
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he knows but everytime i try to talk about it he blows up and i end up taking care of him insted of him taking care of me. He knows some of what happend but he doesnt realise how much apart of me it takes up there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think of it damn i just got another flash back and its a bad one to so i am glad im here

September 15, 2005
1:09 am
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Randomwomen2
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the meds help i have panic attacks im bipolar i have post termatic stress disorder and im manic depressive. my ex step father got 9 years in prison and when i was 13 i lied and said that my mother never did anything but she got what was comming to her she is now dying of heppititas c.

September 15, 2005
1:10 am
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Shaney
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Let's not dwell on past crap. Does your husband help with your kids?

September 15, 2005
1:10 am
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i think he blows up because he doesnt know how to deal with it and it probably hurts him that someone hurt you and theres not much he can do about it. i know some of how you feel...when i get flashbacks i get sick to my stomach but luckily for me it is not everyday..i know i need to deal with it though because it is not just going to go away and i cant keep pushing it away forever because it gets worse every time.

September 15, 2005
1:12 am
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Randomwomen2
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yeah when my counsler heres some of my flashbacks her face turns pale and it looks like she can feel my pain

September 15, 2005
1:13 am
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do you have a restraining order against him? it is hard for your husband because he doesnt understand, i am not making excuses for him i am just saying this because my boyfriend doesnt really know how to listen either. he wants to and when he does ask questions, which is rarely, he starts to get upset and changes the subject which in the end is not worth it for me cuz when he brings it up he brings up those emotions in me and i cant just forget about it when we change the subject like him.

September 15, 2005
1:15 am
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Randomwomen2
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there is already one in place. I just wish he could be here for me for a change

September 15, 2005
1:15 am
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you have seriously been through so much it really is overwhelming.

you didn't answer my ?'s about you and your husband though...do you think you should leave him cuz of your feelings or cuz he does things?? is he or has he ever been abusive to you?

September 15, 2005
1:15 am
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Shaney
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Random! Every time you post, I get a little more freaked out. Honey, you have been through such a nightmare! You're so young - I can't imagine what it would have been like for me to be married at 22 years old, with 2 children. In your heart of hearts, are you happy?

September 15, 2005
1:16 am
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Randomwomen2
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no i am not i love my boys so much but i am not happy i would do anything for them.

September 15, 2005
1:18 am
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Randomwomen2
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he raped me once a few years ago while he was drunk and i never forgave him for it i dont even thinks he remembers it

September 15, 2005
1:20 am
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he probably doesnt know how to be here for you and you cant expect him to know what to do...you have to tell him what to do for you maybe even in detail like step by step...i have just realized myself that i have to tell my boyfriend how to be here for me...he gets frustrated all the time cuz he says he feels that he can never make me happy but i tell him all the time it is not him it is me...one of the things that scares me the most is a year ago he broke up with me cuz he said i needed to work on myself so now i am scared he might leave me again cuz it is worse now but he says he is not going anywhere...what i realized just tonight is hearing him say that doesnt mean much cuz he has said it before but when i really feel like he isn't going anywhere is what matters and that is what makes me want to get better. i am going to tell him this tomorrow so that he knows and has a better understanding. i told him all i want is for him to understand me but i don't make that easy cuz i am not the type of person to just tell anyone what is wrong (ironically i do that here) but i need someone to ask questions and almost pry things out of me and he is not really that type of person instead he thinks ill tell him when im ready.

September 15, 2005
1:24 am
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was he physically abusive at that time as well?

maybe because of that incident you have shut yourself off from him. have you told him about it or do you just assume that he doesn't remember it? do you feel that your medication just gets you through the day or does it really help you to take the steps you need to better yourself? do you just take them to cope?

September 15, 2005
1:28 am
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Randomwomen2
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I mostly try to ignore like i have for years cause i dont have time to cope. I know that it isnt the way to go but sometimes it gets to hard. I never want to talk about him with it it would be to painful its one of my nightmares is him raping me i remember telling him no please stop and i remmeber him telling me i cant. i get the shakes even typing it. I dont want to be afraid of my own husband it only happend the one time but ones is enoug to cause nightmares

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