Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
the truth doesnt set u free
December 19, 2004
5:27 pm
Avatar
lostforever
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well i finally got my husband to admit he has slept with this women who took him to vegas. I really thought hearing it from him would make it better. It didnt. He told me he was drunk and thinking of me the hole time.How sick. whats even sicker is i think i would still take him back. WHY? HOW?
I dont understand it. I cant let this man go. he keeps telling me he still loves me and he only wants me to be happy. He says he doesnt make me happy anymore and that he doesnt want to hurt me. I told him then he needs to tell me its over so i can try and let go and move on. He says he doesnt want it to be over but he doesnt know what to do.
I'm really thinking of running far far away. I cant handle the thought of him with her much less going to have to see it some day. He keeps saying hes not with her its just a sex thing.
why am i so stupid. Why cant i tell this man to fu** off.
Do i enjoy being hurt or something? someone please tell me i'm not the only one who would or has taken back their cheating husband.

December 19, 2004
6:57 pm
Avatar
kyle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My mother took back my father, they're still together to this date.

But I can honestly say, at best, they are moderately stable, and not as happy as they should want to be.

December 19, 2004
7:23 pm
Avatar
basketcase
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey lost. Sorry you have to go through that. I've been there, trust me. Years ago, with my children's father. I had suspicions, many times over, but it never hit until I saw it with my own eyes. I went back to the house, packed 2 suitcases, and threw them on the front lawn of the house he was at. That was it!

I have suspicions about my recent ex as well. I am almost positive that he cheated too, and, I think that is why we ultimately split, though he would deny it to this day. Although, I kept seeing him after we split. Every time he called me or wanted to come over, I caved. When you are so in love with someone, you feel you can just "get past it" or think it will never happen again. It hurts to think about him with another woman, and I know that I would always wonder and there would always be that unanswered question and lack of trust.

Question is...do you think you could forget that he did it once? It's hard to do. Even when it is just a suspicion, but when you know for a fact, it's even harder. That trust has been broken.

Just be strong, lost. I know it is hard. But, you'll get through this.

December 19, 2004
7:29 pm
Avatar
november
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well, how long have you been married? do you have something you want to save? you can. but you will have to endure. there have been great women who have stood by their men through trials just as this. it isn't a sign of weakness if you are doing it for the right reasons. that is what you have to figure out. if you are staying becuz of your own sickness such as codependency or something along those lines, then get into a program, such as Alanon and work on you. you don't have to make one decision today. not one. i believe that if you have a history with this man, children, home, years together then it is worth giving it everything you got. no sin is greater than any other. what he has done is no greater than judging, lying, cheating etc. it just hits where it hurts. i also think that if he has continuely had this problem and this isn't the first etc. then you by all means stand your ground and demand couseling or whatever and if he doesn't then cut him loose. it is hard to decifer. but just remember to not make any decisions based out of emotion. give yourself time.

December 19, 2004
9:51 pm
Avatar
opal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my fiance once told me that he was with another woman, because he was missing me, I just didn't know whether to laugh or cry, the betrayl cuts deep, yet if you want to work things out it is possible, but things will never be the same as they were, it changes a lot in the relationship, and it takes effort on his part to ease your fears that he won't just go off and do it again.

one of the reasons I stayed with my fiance is the promise he made to me to never see the woman again, all ties to the "other woman" should be broken immediatley.

give yourself space away form him, decide if you really can see him changing and it's not a bad idea to go to a relationship councellor, sometimes men just can't realize how hard it is for us to move on after they have been with someone else.

take your time in whatever choice you make, thinking of what is best for you.

December 19, 2004
9:58 pm
Avatar
workinonit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree with much of the good advice here lost. You are the one to focus on right now. Can you get away for awhile?

Also, his using the old "I did it and thought of you the whole time" is BULLSH**!! This is a manipulative technique meant to draw you into his fabrication. It was a lie. Don't let yourself be taken in by this because he did not think of you he thought about the sex he was too weak to say no to or not invite. Whichever. I am not trying to be mean about it I just want you to see it for what it is before you make any decisions.

Just as everyone has stated, take some timefor yourself to reflect on your needs.

December 20, 2004
2:54 am
Avatar
iWillOvercome
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

lost:

i've been through the *EXACT SAME SITUATION* (as far as i can tell in teh summary) as you have.

funny thing is i wanted to break up and out and i didn't, i wanted him to tell me he wants it over and he didn't. so i waited till he wanted it over.

turns out, he was drinking, cheating, etc cos he didn't have the strength to be responsible for himself and that effect was rubbing of on me too... why should i be responsible for myself?

had i realized that i'd have broken out earlier and felt good too.

i waited till he was ready to break out, now he's healthier and i'm still wondering how he could break w/ someone so wonderful, caring and accepting as me. I'm not wonderful-caring-accepting because i stayed in there. I was irresponsible-dishonest-afraid to face the truth. I know better now.

It is never wrong to set your boundaries and be strong about those. It doesn't mean you shouldn't forgive, but only forgive when asked. My ex never once apologized, and i kept taking him back. How'd things be different if he didn't want them different.

it takes two in a relationship, and that includes you. don't exclude yourself. don't allow yourself to walk all over you, then there's nothing left for him to do.

you know who you are best. accept that, and be responsible for yourself.

whether to go on or not, i can't tell, but i will say you should highly highly highly place emphasis on yourself, your values and who you are. If you sell yourself short, why shouldn't he?

December 20, 2004
3:10 am
Avatar
iWillOvercome
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mmm my sobbing aside...

the truth does set you free. you wanted to know truthfully if u had the truth. now you are not sure if you are strong enough to make your decision or not, but you are totally free to make that choice.

or he'll make it for you someday and you'll regret that more. u have the freedom now, how will you exercise it?

December 20, 2004
6:55 am
Avatar
anyalissa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

dear lostforever, i know it doesnt seem that way, but the truth really has set you free...but not to deny that it also hurt you tremendously. i also have faced some truths lately which have hurt me more than anything i have ever felt...with my relationship and with my daughter. but once the emotions settled, even just a little bit, i saw that i am better off knowing the truth....i can face reality, and i can make decisions based on truth. i know we can often cling to our false reality, but i have also learned in life that the truth always does come out, one way or another. so the sooner reality hits us between the eyes the better we are.

i know it hurts....everyone here is hurting. try to remember that you are grateful that now everyting is on the table...you hve the full picture, which will help you make the painful decisions you need to make. also, it helps me to remember that, in times like these....all decisions are gonna hurt. there is no way around it....so dont look for the least painful choice. they all hurt. look for the choice that best meets the goals you have for your life, and your children.

i am so sorry you are hurting. i have been there, i know how it feels. keep posting,,,i find it helps me so much,
love,
anyalissa

December 20, 2004
6:20 pm
Avatar
lostforever
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks to everyone. i have backed off alot. Not calling him and trying to think of other things.
He still doesnt now what we should do and i tohim he needs to stop hinding behind the booze and deal with reality.
This is the second affair he has had. Althogh he doesnt consider it cheating because we have been seperated both times. I still consider it cheating.
I have talked with this women and she wont back off. she sees him as a wonderful man.(as i did 12 years ago)
I dont know what i'm going to do yet like you all said take my time and some time for me.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
52 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 108503

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38531

Posts: 714172

Newest Members:

Portableylw, Epiphonebfh, SallyVogma, irenmagina, dtimuroff, imarckwwa

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer