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the topic of friends...
May 1, 2005
5:59 pm
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balancesekr
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So, I live on my own and have lived various places in the past 11 years, 7 different places to be exact. Perhaps this is a reason for why my friends are scattered in various places, I feel I haven't really made very many new friends in the past couple of years. I never seem to find people I would want to be friendly with. I don't know if that is my problem or what. I sometimes feel like a loser because some of my old friends I really feel they think I can't make new friends or something, almost like they feel bad for me. But what should I care. I have made new friends, but they live far away because I move so much.

I just feel like the odd girl out a lot. I know someone posted about a book with that as the title. I want to overcome feeling this way and create the life I want with the friends I want. It just seems so hard to find, true friends that is. Maybe I need to take more chances and ask people to hang out. Even when I do, I still feel awkward when hanging with new people. Can anyone relate to this? Will this change, maybe once I settle in a particular area and get my career going things will improve.

Then there is my relationship problems with guys. It never seems like the right beginning, I start finding reasons the relationship won't work... I am hung up on the past. What is the cure for this?

May 1, 2005
6:11 pm
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Randomwomen2
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i dont know the cure hun but i do understand. The only new friends i have made in the past 4 years is on here and i have only been here for a month and i only have one other. So i do understand but try not to value yourself on how many friends you have cause it is not the number of friends its the quality of friends that you got. And were all friends here

May 1, 2005
6:14 pm
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Desert Moon
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hi balance,

I'm sorry I can't give you a 'cure' but I will share with you something that happened to me a long time ago.

I certainly can identify with being the odd girl out. I felt that way all through school. I married young (22) so I felt I didnt have to worry about friends/dating because my husband filled those needs. We were both pretty much loners.

But all through the years it seemed that whatever friends I did have I had to do the contacting. They never called me, it was the other way around, and if I stopped calling then I never heard from them again. This has happened over and over. So naturally I began to wonder if something was wrong with me?

So one daya bout 10 years ago, I remember lying on the couch all depressed because I was going through the 'nobody likes me' routine when out of the blue these words popped into my head, It was "the more you reach out to others, the more they will reach out to you." It was so simple and eloquent, but I realized it was true; If you open up to others and listen to them your friendships become more meaningful.

Has this solved my problems? Not entirely (read my thread I went to church). But just having the awareness that I have to make the first move gets me going. friendships, like any relationship, takes time and work.

Hope this gives you some insight

((((((hugs))))

May 1, 2005
6:38 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Balance: Too bad we all don't really 'know" each other, then WE could all be friends. I don't have many friends either and its hard to meet new women friends too. I work alone at home so I rarely meet new people other than clients and they usually are married couples.

I always feel like people have their own group of friends and wouldn't welcome a newcomer. I guess the answer is to join a club or something but I usually don't stick w/ that stuff.

I don't know what your career is, but having an actual workplace provides opportunities to meet people. Just going out to lunch every now and then can lead to other outings, etc.

May 1, 2005
6:48 pm
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Rasputin
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I can so well relate to you balacne. I am a female. I moved to this area 7 years to start on a journey of healing. I was all alone, which was so healing. I became very healthy person, got rid of all the anger and anguish inside of me.

Then I started to mix with people without setting any standards taking my self and my Christian values for granted. I ended up with g/fs who were crappy, aggressive, sarcastic making fun of my childlike personality. Of course, I cut them off without any regret.

About three years ago, I met a very sweet lady in a medical lab. We liked each other and felt a strong connection from the 1st sight. Before she leaves, she left her phone number with another lady who was sitting in the waiting room to give it to me. We became friends right away. We seemed to tune into each other like glove and hand. She was a very sweet lady. We had the same character, both spiritual, love books, hardworking, goign to cafe together, like to attend events....

Ooops all of a sudden, she left this place to be relocated some other place. Unfortunately I do not know anything about her now. All I know that she was living under pressure, jobless, expecting eviction from her place, leaving this place so frustrated....

In my area, I have another g/f whom I met about 2 years ago. We became friends for 6 months, having things in common as well. All of a sudden... my friend stopped talking to me. Why? She is suffering from depression. So, here I am losing my 2nd g/f.

Right now I am left without g/f. I only have male friends. They are very decent, kind and honest men. I miss having a g/f with whom I can share my thoughts and do activities together.

Life is full of disappointments. But, I am optimistic. I am praying to the Lord to send where I will bloom!
We have to persevere! Since your name is included already in my prayer list, let's not lose hope. Try public libraries, community centers, churches. In these place you are more likely to find true and genuine people!

(((HUGS & PRAYERS)))

May 1, 2005
7:06 pm
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Rasputin
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I forgot something.

Having pets make a HUGE difference. I have a sweeeeeetie kitty. She was an astray cat. She really gives me unspeakable company.

I know we still need human friends, but pets are a treasure not to be underestimated. God sent this kitty to my life to heal me from catphobia and give me company.

By the way, pets are stress-busters as well!

May 2, 2005
6:24 pm
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balancesekr
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thanks random, desert, sd and rasputin. Yeah random, I agree, it is the quality of the friends, no doubt. It just seems tough to find those quality people. I feel like I need to protect myself. I am recently building a friendship with someone at school. She was asking me about my relationship with my new guy, I told her a little bit, I feel this is an area that you need to really be careful with, how much to reveal about your b/f and the troubles you have.

But anyway, I feel the same way you do sdesigns, that people have their group already. I feel like my group is a group of spread out people who don't know each other, the common link is they all know me! I don't have the same BIG GROUP because I move so damn much! This should improve though, once things settle a bit. I still will feel like I need to protect how much you let someone know. Its weird. It is scary having a b/f and a really close g/f, it just makes you wonder!

thanks for praying for me rasputin, I appreciate that.

and desertmoon, I hear you on always having to make the first move, what is the deal with that, it gives me such a complex when I let it! I will start reachin out more, sometimes, I wish some other people would take a turn though 🙂
balance

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