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The thought of him being with somebody else
December 24, 2008
6:04 am
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Anonymous
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Hi everybody.....It's been a few months since i posted i've been going through alot. We still not back together and don't talk very often but i always think about him being with somebody and its always brings angry and tears. Is this normal? I thought i would be able to go on with out him and now i see i was wrong. I think i want him to come back home but i always ask myself would that be the right thing to do. I'm not even sure if he got somebody else but i dont never see no new numbers on our invoice when i look it up on the computer. I'm so confused i dont know what to do. Is there any advice out there for me even from the ones who dont know the history on this past relationship....... I'VE NEVER FELT THIS LONELY BEFORE

December 24, 2008
7:58 am
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autumn128
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Hello H&C,

Yes, I do remember you and your story.

I am sorry for your pain right now.

Please realize that it is perfectly NORMAL to miss him. On top of that, it's the holidays and that stirs up even more lonely feelings.

You have to remember why he left in the first place.

Going online and checking his cell phone calls is a sign that you don't TRUST him. If you don't trust him, your relationship will never work.

My counselor told me to not make any dramatic decisions during the holidays. Because once the holidays are over, it goes back to the same old routine of the day to day living.

Work through your lonliness. It's hard. Everyone here knows how hard it is. Keep posting. Hang in there.

Autumn

December 24, 2008
8:28 am
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atalose
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Hurt,

Autumn is right the holidays intensify our emotions especially the lonely and sad emotions. And yes it’s very normal to feel the way you are feeling. Mixed up emotions running amuck this time of year happens to all of us.

I’m sorry if I don’t fully remember your story or why you are not with him anymore. If its been months since you last posted then its possible you were dealing with the break up but the holiday blues have brought you to a different level in your recovery and now you are feeling like you may want him back. That’s so normal too, just keep remembering why you are no longer together, remember the sadness and anger with him and why it’s best for you to no longer be back in that place in your life.

As far as him being with someone else, well that’s normal too. As codies we use our codie thinking and we assume that if they are with someone else, that, that person is going to make them happy, make them different and have the type of relationship we had longed for with them. SOOO not true, but that’s how our codie thinking goes. The truth is if they do move on to someone else that someone else is going to get exactly what we did and possible worse. The verbal abuse doesn’t stop, the alcohol/drug abuse doesn’t stop, controlling behavior doesn’t stop, etc. etc. Our thinking is that we can fix, mend, repair a person into what we wish them to be so of course we see someone else as being able to accomplish what we think we could not. Well they can’t either and our thinking like that ends up being wasted energy that takes away from us and our recovery.

I would suggest that you stay away from triggers (viewing the phone bill on line). Is there a reason you still have a cell phone account together? If so are you able to do something about that so you are not tied to him with that?

You mentioned that you are still not back together and don’t even talk much so it the cell phone account a means of contact to him and a way for you to keep a life line going with him?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 24, 2008
11:10 am
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Zebra
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H&C,

Atalose says it best. WE codies do think if he/she is with someone else then they are happy. NO.

I used to think the same thing about my Ex. Oh how he is so happy with his new gf and she is doing what I wanted and putting myself down about not being able to fix him. WELLLLLLLL guess what, I recently got to view my EX and his gf and their relationship....IT IS SO WORSE THEN MINE AND HIS WAS BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE. He is doing all the things to her that he did to me. So you see I did miss him for a while, but not anymore. I came to realize he is not going to change and I deserve better and so do you.

You really need to think about getting your own phone and stop checking his.

This holiday season is hard, but we all have our health and each other, so enjoy it.

Z

December 25, 2008
10:35 pm
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skyle101
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I know exactly what your going through, I do know for a fact my ex is with someone else, one week after I left him he was, I get through this knowing I dont have to put up with the crap ever agian so just think about it you dont have to put up with it anymore either, keep your chin up it will be ok.

December 26, 2008
7:13 pm
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spunkycinnabar
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I have those same thoughts too and I think that is why I keep in contact, today is worse than normal and I have no idea what he does in his spare time, I just know that I have to get on with mine

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