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The smooth road is SO difficult
September 15, 2005
7:48 pm
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Mr Niceguy
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I’ve been married for over 20 years, it looks like I’m on my way to separation and divorce. My wife says she has always loved me and still does. I’ve come to realize that the marriage was never built on a solid foundation. Now it’s a question of doing the right thing for myself and I think, ultimately, the right thing for her. I’ve slowly realized all this over the last 4 years or so. (I have not fallen in love with another woman.) We’ve talked about it together, and to counsellors, until we’re blue in the face. We haven’t slept in the same bed for almost 2 years. Our infrequent sex has now disappeared over the last year. I feel quite numb, she feels very sad and teary. The few people who have known about this seem to suggest I need to get it over with. It’s progressing at a snail’s pace, it’s like slowly ripping off a bandaid. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to hurt her, I don’t want to hurt my girl, I don’t want to rock the boat. But it’s sinking anyway. I thought I’d have questions to pose here, but right now I guess I’m just satisfied to put this into writing, anonymously.

September 15, 2005
9:28 pm
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lita
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i know you dont want to hurt her. but you both are hurting now. so in the long run. you should just get it over with. so she has a chance at a new life . and you also have a chance to start over. and try and find some peace in both of your lives. it will hurt of course. but you both are hurting now. and once you get things out on the table maybe youll find she may even feel the same way. you know she loves you , and you love her. but sometimes people grow apart. but in the end iam sure you to can still be friends. it will take time. but you deserve to be happy. so does she. your in my prayers. good luck. keep posting. let us know how you are.

September 16, 2005
9:25 am
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CAMER
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i agree with Lita, and just saw your post on the "loveless marriage" thread....

We only live once in this world and we should be happy....even if that means divorcing your wife. I know it will hurt both you her and your child, but its better to do it now than go thru many more years of not having what you want.

Gosh, i know this is so much easier said than done, breaking up is so very hard to do.

Sometimes love is not enough, we need/want more.

I wish you the best on this road you are on & keep coming back

September 16, 2005
2:46 pm
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kathygy
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You deserve a happy and loving marriage with emotional and physical intimacy. You are not responsible fro your wife's feelings. Yes, your wife will feel hurt but she will survive. You aren't doing her a favor to stay with her if you can't give her the love she deserves. The sooner you get it over with the sooner you both can begin to heal.

September 16, 2005
4:48 pm
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Mr Niceguy
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Thank you Lita, Camer and Kathy. I can see this is a very supportive group and it's appreciated. I'm also getting good insights by reading other people's strings.

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