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the rundown
January 11, 2002
6:22 pm
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gypsygirl
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Rachel- origional,physical age 25 but emotional age is 6 (going to be 26 on 2/6) very emotional, cries alot, sleeps alot, Has an unbelievable ability to trust everyone. Thinks that everyone has good intentions. afraid of public places, unable to come out anywhere but at home, although she once went to Sandra's office and cried and told her about KAT.

Susan- age 13, bookworm, very educated, wants to be a writer, does alot of research about everything. Tries to focus on school , but is no competition for gypsy, Wont stand up for herself, lets Gypsy just come out in the middle of class and say embarrasing things or lets her flash the entire speech class. Developes alot of crushes on people, but would never act on them. Wont have anything to do with any of the others.

Gypsy- free spirit, age unknown, extremely sexual, lot of friends, has little self control. Brags about anything any everything. Spends money like it grows on trees. Uses men, treats them like they are objects, walks all over them. Collects them. Wants to be acknowlegded by lots of people. Wont think twice about drinking alcohol, smokes sometimes.

Kat (katarina)-Age 20, The watchman, does not sleep, protects Rachel and susan, cleans up the messes that Gypsy makes. Makes sure we get to the Therapy Appt's and the DR appts. Was fed up with Gypsy's crap in December and tried to kill her but wound up ODing and then left Rachel to deal with everything. Non sexual.Makes sure that we take our meds.When we meet people she is there for the first little while till we decide if the person is safe or not. Has been called cold hearted and unfeeling. Gets mad often. Pretends to be Rachel.

January 11, 2002
7:00 pm
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gingerleigh
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I don't know jack squat about MPD, and I hope that Gypsygirl will forgive me if I sound insensitive or doubting. I don't understand this condition, so maybe other folks can explain to me. Again, please accept in advance if my post sounds rude or accusatory...

Couldn't we all post a rundown like this on ourselves? I know I've got a watchman personality inside me, and have had my bouts with the rebel side of me that has done drugs, used men and finds true comfort at the bottom of a bottle of Oban scotch. And all other sorts of "personalities" that live inside me. I'm a complex human being, as are we all, so where is the dividing line between just being a complex person that refuses to be pigeon-holed and being diagnosed as MPD?

January 11, 2002
9:10 pm
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gypsygirl
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Don't know the answer to that. My therapist wanted me to acknowledge the fact that they were all really me. I said that I believed that because they all are inside of me, so therefore in a way they are part of me. They just think for themselves and make their own decisions. As for the names, I don't know that either. The DR. last time said something about figuring out where the names came from. I try not to talk too much about the others in therapy because Sandra says that she is not qualified to handle DID and I would have to go to someone else for therapy. I like her and do not want to start over again with another therapist. The first DR. I saw gave me the daigonis of DID, but he is not my regular DR. My regular DR. whom I have seen once now was not so quick to give me the diagnosis, he kept me with Major depressive disorder, and he has not ruled out DID or social phobia. The loony bin gave me the diagonis of major depressive disorder with psychotic events. I am confused. My head feels like someone popped it off my neck and shook it up like a magic eight ball then reattached it. So far I am only taking anti-depressants, two different ones. Paxil and celexea. I am still trying to get them to understand that no I do not have audio hallusanations, they are coming from my own inside, my own people whatever you want to call them. But they keep putting down that it is hallusanations. I do not want to have to start over with a new therapist, so therefore I am not being completely honest when I go. She has seen Gypsy in person and has talked to Rachel, she mostly deals with Kat though, she thinks that Kat is Rachel. I Go on with the "I did this" when I should really be saying "Gypsy did this" It is like I can finally acknowledge the other people but if I do then I will have my therapist taken away. I feel confused about the whole damn situation.

January 12, 2002
8:29 am
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eve
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Gingerleigh,

i guess it is like it is whith all psychological diagnoses. Tere is no clearcut line between pysiological and *pathological* personalities. I guess what's different whith multiple personality disorder is that the different people don't really feel like they all belong together and sometimes don't even know each other. While for us it's more like wearing another hat (e.g. i have a *eve the competent advisor* hat that I wear often and always at work, but I also have a little red *eve the careless child* cap and an *eve the insecure woman dreaming of a family and not even knowing how to get a man* scarf for my head. Ah, yes and then there is the *eve is right anyybody else is stupid and out to get me* this one is a helmet whith horns on. I wear that sometimes when I find some old and ugly hat in my closet that I don't want to own).

I can't imagine what it would be like to have multiple personalities inside myself. I admire Gypsygirl and Blondie for how they seem to cope and hang on to all their Them.

January 14, 2002
11:48 am
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gingerleigh
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Interesting, thanks for the points of view... Gyps, hopefully you will be able to be honest with your therapist about what's really going on. I know that you don't want to switch docs, but think of how much faster they could help you feel more whole if they know what's really going on rather than what signs and coverups they might have to wade through to find out what's the real story is...

January 14, 2002
2:19 pm
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gypsygirl
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am planning on discussing this with the thrapist this week, but might feel differently when the time comes. I am chicken when it comes to talking about feelings, I spend most sessions talking about what other people do that bothers me and not about what I actually feel.

GL, what ever happened to cracker? scared him off huh?

January 14, 2002
4:28 pm
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gingerleigh
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Yeah, things have been kinda quiet without him around, eh? He was based in NY if I recall correctly... despite the arguing we did, I hope that he is OK. I don't think we've heard anything from him since before 9/11. *silent prayer for Cracker*

January 14, 2002
7:00 pm
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Molly
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no no no, we heard from him after, remember he wrote about crossing the bridge and feeling like a baby, because he was so emotional. I am sure of it. Well pretty sure, I am having epliptic machine side effects, mostly in my butt but that is , well..... isn't that where brains are ?

January 14, 2002
7:25 pm
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gypsygirl
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Blondie, I hope you'll be alright. Don't stay too long we need you around here

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