Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
The Rules
September 22, 2003
5:38 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you want to be a good little co-dependent, you must follow all of these rules. When you do, and live your life faithful to them, you will have really messed up and wasted your life away. But rules are rules, right? Who are we to break the rules?

These are from this link:
http://www.codependents.org/co.....apatt.html

Patterns and Characteristics
of Codependence
These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers.

Denial Patterns:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough."
I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others' anger.
I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:
I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they "truly" feel.
I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

The last one is one that I am into right now. I am making my life nice and miserable because of that. I want him to need me. I would be terrified to be with a man who didn't need me. He might leave. Then I would have nothing to trade with him. I would be short at my end.

I don't know how to do otherwise.

September 22, 2003
8:16 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What would happen if no one needed you, UC? What would one day in your life be like if you just for those 24 hours were responsible for no... one... but... yourself...

September 22, 2003
11:49 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would feel as if I was in a white room with no doors or windows.

September 23, 2003
1:01 am
Avatar
ms.confused
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WOW! The things u posted sound like me to a T..we all wanna be loved and needed but we cant give up ourselves up in the process and we do need to realize we set ourselves up when we think we have to do everything for everyone else..We often over look that we are doing more harm than good..I understand completely... looks like I was looking in the mirror when I read your post.. all we can do is keep working on ourselves and know that we are loveable and worthy of ourselves..I so often forget this..Be good to yourself

September 23, 2003
2:38 am
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So what's scary about a blank canvas? What would you draw?

September 23, 2003
11:27 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow....you amaze me gingerleigh.

Are you a counselor by profession?
Again, you are making me think.
I am trying hard to get over him. The last two weeks were the worst. I was so depressed. But as you pointed out, with him being such a lousy person, there is no comfort to be had in his arms or in his eyes or smile.

He'll just go right on mistreating me and probably even worse than before. He talked about getting revenge. And talking to him is a waste of time. It doesn't register.

What would I paint? Now that is what I have to figure out. I think a lot of us here do too.

Thank you gingerleigh, for being you, and thank you for helping me.
🙂
love,
camper

September 23, 2003
11:33 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's time to put this nightmare behind me.

My future is blank now. I need to fill it in.

September 23, 2003
11:39 am
Avatar
sixfootblonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh but think of the endless possibilities a blank canvas represents! The hope of a fulfilled dream, the freedom of choice and change and opportunity for self
expression!

It's all in the perspective.
Just think -- no limits! 🙂

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110935
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38543
Posts: 714223
Newest Members:
jessicawales, documentsonline, SafeWork, thomasalina, genericsmartdrugs, 才艺
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer