Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
THE ROTTEN CYCLE ? PLZ HELP
July 19, 2007
1:34 am
Avatar
serenity321
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there this is my first post first I think you all are wonderful I have been reading for a couple months now but have been afraid to do this.If anyone can relate or give some feedback it would be so helpful. well here goes i have been with my commonlaw for 13 years and it has been one tough road we have always had the issues of pot he likes to smoke it im not sure how much or often but i seem to always come accross it or find it. I think he is getting better at hiding it and i hate it with a passion. It has torn us apart for many years and I cant just accept it, I wish I could. Then there is the drinking He has a "couple" almost everyday 5 days a week and when he does he is instant prick.i am at my witts end with just about everything it seems like we always fight and thats all its about drinking and drugs.He is emotionally unavailible and i think i am too.We have 2 children and I work full time shift work. I think im going crazy I feel like crawling in a hole and i feel like this is my last hope here I have noone to talk to or even want to talk to about it. I honestly dont know what is wrong with me I always thought i was the strong one but feel like a nutcase more and more each day. I know we dont spend enough time together as a family or even alone. We have tried counseling and he was asked to slow it down with the booze well he did for a bit and now we are back at square 1.We are supposed to be getting married in a year from now and i really think that would be a really big misteak I think if it wasnt for the alcohol and drugs i would be happy.I really want this relationship to work we have been through alot together and i dont want to end it because of this damn disease..I know Iam not perfect it seems like all i can do is yell at him because he wont help with the house work or is half cut or looks stoned. Thanks for listening !!dont be too harsh plz cant take much more

July 19, 2007
2:25 am
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetheart i am so sorry you are going through this. Neither my husband or i have ever done drugs but both of my parents did while I was growing up and they were both alcoholics too. I understand the effect this can have on a family. Has he ever tried a treatment facility? He does need help. Remember sweetheart just because he is not in counseling doesn't mean that you cant be. You can still work on you even if he wont work on himself. My gut is saying leave him but I know that its not that easy. You have put so much into your relationship but you have to figure out when enough is enough. I have to go to bed now sweetheart. Please be safe. Drug and alcohol addicts can be dangerous. (((serenity321)))

July 19, 2007
10:01 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would agree with Random...focus on yourself. Reach out for counseling, attend some AL-ANON meetings (they are free!!)...perhaps even CODA meetings. Find out why you have paired up with someone who just can't meet your emotional needs (an addict). And focus on your children. Do more with them. Get them out of that environment for pleasant activities, as much as possible. If he is mean when he drinks, exit the house, as soon as he starts and take the kids with you. Go somewhere diverting (a movie, a game place, the park - ANYWHERE).

I would also encourage you to take a class, try a new hobby where you will meet people - find new interests. If you don't have a job, get one. If you have a job that feels dead-end, consider a job change. Find a church where you can make new friends and feel comfortable and encouraged.

In short, begin to broaden your life in every area, so that you are not focused strictly on him and his addictions. I know it is hard. I lived in a similar situation with my late husband for nearly 19 years.

Hold off on the wedding plans. Put yourself first. Focus on the HERE & NOW PLAN. Make your life better NOW. I hope some of these suggestions help. The important thing is to begin doing things for yourself, have time to yourself with your kids and get away from his presence when he is stoned or drinking. Find and establish new friends. Broaden the tent pegs of your life, as the expression goes. Right now, you are trapped in a tiny cell, bound by the walls of his addictions. You CAN leave those walls. DO IT!!!!

Keep posting. We are here for you.

- Ma Strong

July 19, 2007
10:20 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((Serenity321))

Welcome and I am glad you found the courage to post.

I would strongly recommend alanon for you. It helps you and you'll gain so much understanding of why you feel like the crazy one!!!!

I think it's smart of you to be thinking of postponing a wedding right now. If the last 13 years have been filled with stress and relationship issues due to his drinking/drugs and he is doing nothing to stop that, your marriage is going to be exactely like your life is today, so why bother if you know what I mean.

I think if you keep posting, attend alanon and work on YOU you'll see how much your life can change for the better.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 20, 2007
1:28 am
Avatar
serenity321
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the suggestions random,mastrong,atalose!! I am feeling somewhat hopeful today. No he hasnt tried treatment but i do recall him telling me if he ever did drugs again he would go to treatment but i know that wouldnt happen.I am taking some classes right now through distant learning and they are going well. I do love my job and its not a dead end one i am actually proud of myself for what i do in a way.I was a teenage mom and a highschool dropout ended up on welfare with nothing and am now doing better.we had a talk last night about thinks not going very well with us I asked him to move out next month after our holidays but I know he wont take me serious, hell I cant even take myself serious and I know I shouldnt have said it if I didnt mean it. He said he will quit this time for sure and when he use to tell me he wont touch it again it was just to shut me up but is serious this time.wow im trying not to believe him but I want to when is enough enough ? he wants me to only work part time and thinks its my job and the shift work wearing me out ..I know I need to get to al anon or coda meetings I hope I go soon, I need to. kinda scary to show my true feelings and open up ..I dont know maybe its the fear of the unknown but you all are right I have to do something.

July 20, 2007
11:53 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"I cant just accept it, I wish I could." Unfortunately by doing nothing for yourself and having him control everyting, you have accepted it. Everything in your life is determined by his actions. Your happiness is all rolled up in his getting better. You'd be better off searching for answer for your own self. Love yourself. Figure out what you want and what your needs are. NOthing changes if nothing changes. And right now you have all these "ifs" are your plate. You need to start looking out for yourself and telling yourself you deserve better than all this because you certainly do. Getting married to this man isn't going to change a thing for you. Actions speak louder than words, and right now both you are only talking and not doing. Circles never end. They keep going round and round, until someone gets off. Start thinking about what you deserve in this world. I doubt all this list of his rotten qualities are not on your list of dream man. You don't need this. And once you get married it will be even harder to get out of. I have been married to an alcholic and drug addict. It is uphill battle and only the addict can change himself, you cannot. You happiness does not lie within and what he does, but what you do. There is strength in you and hopefully you will find it but it takes work to get a hold of that stregnth.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
64
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110988
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38562
Posts: 714269
Newest Members:
texas321, lasserfelt, Gosia88, Hollynluna87, zt, Davidsmom
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information