Well, I have been thinking about it and it seems so terrifying to think that I am going to be living in NYC and be living with people that I don't know very well and trying to make it work so that I can become a chef. The thing is, when people say, I am afraid to not exist after I die or i am afraid to be without someone or I am this or I am that and I am thinking, if you don't exist, then you won't care that you don't exist because you don't exist. So when I think about the fact that I am not going to be living as close to my ex who is also my best friend, it seems terrifying but now i am thinking, I haven't always loved him my entire life, forever, I only met him nine years ago, so I know I can do this without him. Maybe I will meet someone else that I want to spend the rest of my life with and maybe we will get back together, but the point is, I am scared and I am sad and I don't seem to understand how to stop that. Its just so overwhelming.