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The proof is in the pudding, I'm getting better
June 7, 2005
8:49 am
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exoticflower
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kc30 posted that fine letter to herself, something there is no way she could read back without seeing some undisputable progress. It got me to thinking, I must have some of those too, we all must, but somehow I drew a blank. Anyone care to chip in thier own? All I can think of right now is that when I am obsessing about him, or anything really, I ask questions about ME. Before it was himhimhim, questins about me where really just questions about me as I pertain to him. So that is something, right?

June 7, 2005
10:06 am
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Becoming Stronger
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exotic,

I know what you mean, I use to always obsess about him, and it was never me, ALWAYS him..it was like I never mattered, it was just about him....that's pretty sad when you think about it...but yes I agree we are ALL getting better.

June 7, 2005
12:58 pm
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CAMER
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when you stop putting up with the things you wouldn't put up with yourself and accepting that you tried, means you are getting better.

Never settle.

June 7, 2005
1:04 pm
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jamaicanwife
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The very fact that you can recognize when you are obsessing is a sign of recovery. It might seem like a small thing to be able to say 'that is his stuff, not mine, so I won't think about it now' but it is a very big deal.

June 7, 2005
2:59 pm
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exoticflower
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OK, I think I may have explained this wrong--I was wondering about others proofs, what things you notice and say 'well, can't argue, that is different, that is a fact supporting that I am getting better'. Does that make sense? I am hoping that in reading other peoples I will be able to recognize some of my own successes, and to have something to look froeward to during these times when it seems like it's alwasy going to be a greuling uphill struggle.

June 7, 2005
3:30 pm
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jamaicanwife
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oh. ok.

Before I started trying to sort out my life, I always felt harried, as though there were a million demands on my time, all of equal and overwhelming importance. Now, I may feel upset, or incapable, or foolish or out of control, but I rarely feel harried anymore. I took some advice that my counsellor gave me to heart. Nice lady, I miss her - she said that I should just try not doing the things I didn't want to do or felt I couldn't manage. Well, that was an eye opener. I honestly had no idea that I could CHOOSE. Now, I might make the wrong choice, but I am always aware that I am in control of my workload - I can only do what I can do, and the world will not end if I choose not to do something I never wanted to do in the first place.

Does this help?

June 7, 2005
4:02 pm
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sewunique
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Does this help.....

I know that what I am hgoing thru right now with three legal issues (estate, probate, foreclosure, applying for mortgage to purchase my mom's condo tho' my siblings are a big issue), that I will get thru it, I am strong enough to do what I need to do and do it well to take care of things.

I take each step at a time, I utilize my resources, I can ask for advice and help (biggie), and can process how to handle things.

Relationships....men; I can see the red flags, if not, I can come here or ask my girlfriends for clarity and validation. Then I can walk away because I will stick with my values and what I seek in a relationship, whether friendship or romantic.

Girlfriends who are coda and seek out all my personal information and try to make decisions for me....am still working on that one.

Work...am more confident, and can speak up with any problems that arise unfairly against me with a kind manner and confront the issues. (yes, I still shake a bit, but then...)

Does that help? I know it does me and I celebrate each and every morsel of positive action and thought I have. I do not take it for granted or take it lightly what I have grown into....a stronger, still gentle and caring person who is a survivor and successor!!!!

SewUnique

June 7, 2005
4:09 pm
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sewunique
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Geez, ....

after reading my post it is time to celebrate, (again)..........

Applause, applause..... to this Site and to SC who had the vision for developing and maintaining this AAC site!!!!!

Three Cheers to SC!!!

My humble gratitude to you and to all who post here, dear friends, and AAC family.

SewUnique

June 7, 2005
5:24 pm
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exoticflower
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It does, it DOES help! Thank you!

Ok, so what I can't argue with is this: I am not having anxiety attacks anymore. I may get anxious, but I am not crippled. And, I am looking to the future at all, something I never would have done without him before. I would ONLY look at the future for US and how I would make it work, and now, I accept that it is not best. I want at all to do what is best, and that is brand new and a sure sign that I ma gettingbetter. Thanks, I was having a hard time just getting into that groove I think.

June 8, 2005
10:12 am
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jamaicanwife
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Once you really get into that groove, it is hard to get out of it - you never ever feel comfortable living the way you used to fo before. Even if you take a step or two backward, you will no longer be in your comfort zone.

June 8, 2005
10:25 am
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exoticflower
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JW, so true! I was just thinking about that last night (at 4 in the morning? How many times does one baby teeth!), it's like Elvis Costello says about the deep dark truthful mirror. When I think now about going back to the dysfunctional life I share with him, for example, I immediately can't ignore the negatives I used to be able to--how can I? I talk about them every day! Once you accept any reality, I thik it is pretty hard to go BACK to denial, you know?

June 8, 2005
10:31 am
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jamaicanwife
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Living in the dark is one thing, but deciding to close the windows, turn the lights out and pull the sheet over your head is another matter entirely.

June 8, 2005
10:35 am
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exoticflower
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LOL, exactly!

June 8, 2005
11:09 am
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amberly
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This gives me so much hope. I haven't gotten the pudding yet but just knowing that proof is there hidden underneath it helps.
Thanks,
your newbie friend
Amb

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