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The Point of Living?
September 30, 2004
8:39 pm
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m3talc0re
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Tell me something, what is the point of living? If you knew for a fact that you would be alone for the rest of your life, never find love again, What's the point? If you knew your life would be nothing more than going to work and coming home to nothing more than a miserable existance, why live it? I know you'll all say something along the lines of "Because you have a chance" or "Because you still have people that love you", but that doesn't matter. First being that you know there will be no other "chance". You could have all of the family in the world loving you, but it means nothing to you if you have no love beyond that of family love. Why live if you know that you'll never be happy? Why live if you know that you'll never be anything but in pain, misserable and alone? That's not the purpose of life, so technically, your life is a mistake and it needs to be corrected. If there is no chance at being happy, then the only other solution is to end it.

September 30, 2004
8:50 pm
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workinonit
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M3, you said... That's not the purpose of life, so technically, your life is a mistake and it needs to be corrected. If there is no chance at being happy, then the only other solution is to end it.

How do you know that? Just because some people believe we are only here to procreate and live with others, how do you really know it? Maybe what is right for one person is not right for another.

You are getting into philosophy here and that debate is entirely different than much else around here. Don't you think?

September 30, 2004
8:58 pm
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m3talc0re
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Put simply, why live if you will do nothing but suffer?

September 30, 2004
9:09 pm
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workinonit
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But, suffering is a choice. Living sadly is a choice. All of everything you will ever do in your life is a choice. Can't you see that?

Ok Crappy of me to say that. You must not see it if you feel the way you do. And, who am I to say? I feel down myself at times but m3, you have to understand that we really do choose our emotions.

Suffering is a choice too m3 so don't!

September 30, 2004
9:21 pm
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nattie
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I've thought about suicide mainly for the same reasons you are talking about. What is the point? BUT, I believe that we are all here to learn something and are here for a purpose. I worry that if I were to leave without accomplishing that or learning what I was meant to learn I will just have to come back to learn it all over again anyway. And will probably come back with alot less then what I have and have alot more pain. Make sense?

Before I found out I was pregnant, about a month ago, I was done and so ready to go. I know it's a reason for me to be here. Someone is trying to tell me that I can't go now and I have to give my child the love from a mother I didn't have. That is my purpose and my reason for being here, you just have to find yours, we all have one. I hope you find yours someday! xoxo
.

September 30, 2004
9:29 pm
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workinonit
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Now nattie, you answered your own question. Something to live for?, that small child you'll bring into this world with lots of unanswered questions. It's up to you to provide the envirnment for those answers right or wrong. The responsibility is awesome but hey, someone or some force must have believed you have it in you. Absolutely awesome!!!

Bless you girl and keep livin large!!

September 30, 2004
9:34 pm
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m3talc0re
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Suffering is no choice. If it was a choice or something I could control, I would've done so by now. As for my "reason for being", Amanda and Richard were mine. I no longer have that reason so my purpose has failed.

September 30, 2004
10:04 pm
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nattie
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who is Amanda and Richard?

September 30, 2004
10:07 pm
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nattie
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Workinonout.... not sure how to take your response to my post??? Please explain.

September 30, 2004
10:14 pm
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m3talc0re
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Amanda is the love of my life and my soulmate. Richard is our son.

September 30, 2004
10:25 pm
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Anonymous
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The point of living, is to do exactly that..Live the very miracle of life that was given to you...Life is complicated ....Who ever promised us anything?????????? Good or bad. We didn't ask to be born....We have to take what we learned, what we chose and what we have been dealt, to continue to live that life..
My 2 cents....

September 30, 2004
10:25 pm
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nattie
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I'm sorry that they are not in your life anymore. May I ask what happened?

September 30, 2004
10:33 pm
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m3talc0re
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nattie, please look for one of my past threads or ask someone else on here. I don't want to talk about it anymore like that, it just gets me more depressed and I'm tired of crying to the point of physical pain in my stomache muscles from the contractions of them.

September 30, 2004
10:41 pm
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nattie
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I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad feelings. I also hope my posts didn't hurt you more. Please take care.

September 30, 2004
11:00 pm
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nattie
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One last thing..... I read one of your threads and saw you have a 9.5 month old. Isn't that a reason to live???

September 30, 2004
11:15 pm
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Anonymous
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And one last thing...Correcting your life is not ending it M3...
But of course, you will do as you always have.....

September 30, 2004
11:57 pm
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gingerleigh
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M3, have you thought about looking into sex and love addicts anonymous?

October 1, 2004
8:26 am
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Cici
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May I direct you to the four noble truths?

(from http://www.thebigview.com/budd.....ruths.html)

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardor, pursue of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.

October 1, 2004
9:00 am
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eternaloptimist
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If you don't give yourself a chance to find happiness, that is a choice.
Please stop letting this woman control your emotions. You are a valuable person, M3! All you are doing right now is allowing her to dictate your emotions. Take control of your emotions, and watch what happens.

By posting this thread, you made a choice to find support. You have it here, my friend. If you truely thought there were no more chances, you would have never posted in the first place. We are here with you and for you, brother.

Eternal

October 1, 2004
1:08 pm
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kathygy
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M3,

I am sorry you are suffering and you need time to heal. You will heal and find new purpose in life even though it doesn't feel like it. It may be helpful at this time to get some counseling. I don't have a special man in my life right now to love but see lots of purpose in life. One purpose I have is working on myself, healing my childhood wounds and the world is full of pleasureable things that don't require a partner. Don't give up on life. Don't give up on hope.

October 1, 2004
1:38 pm
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deee
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The point of living is because we were put here for a reason. You have a purpose in life, you are important to someone. YOU are the center of your sons life, whether you see him as much as you want or not. Think of how his soul would ache if he did not have you. The pain you are going through is nothing compared to pain you would cause him to go through. As far as your wife, you have to let her go....let her deal with what she is going through. If you are seriously thinking about suicide, call your doctor and tell him. This is frequently a sign of a deep depression and it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. THere is help out there, but you have to want it. LIFE IS NOT MEANT FOR SUFFERING....LIFE IS MEANT TO BE HAPPY....GOD IS THERE FOR YOU...AND SO ARE WE HERE FOR YOU...ANYTIME YOU SEEK US OUT.

October 1, 2004
5:01 pm
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Anonymous
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I had everyone slashed from me too and I also told myself that I don't want to live my life to go to the office, pay rent and become older and sicker and sicker till I die. I have a condition by which the possibility of having any kind of relationships (family, friends, partner of any kind, acquaintances of any kind) is almost impossible, and it's not a treatable condition. But hope keeps me alive. Hope that maybe someday, somewhere, some way, someone will come out of the blue and be my acquaintance and I won't be so horribly alone. I tell myself if I can daydream it, then it can happen... I love my life otherwise, but the aloneness is extremely painful. I could win the lottery this minute and have not one soul in the whole world to exclaim "yay!" to. I never ever dreamt such a thing could happen to me or to any human being, that they could be so terribly alone. The kids I helped raise (my sister's) were taken from me forever a year ago too.

In regard to you, I don't know your story but one thing I'm sure is you'll get over the pain and you'll rebuild your life. Right now you're going through hell, I know. But times of happiness will come too. And don't take family for granted, I always thought as you say that family is nothing when you don't have the person you love, but now that I don't have any family member at all, I see the enormeous difference between having and not having them.

I think, though, that if a person has certainty that there is no hope for them to ever be anything but totally miserable, life indeed is a mistake that can be corrected. Turning back to being a part of the energy of the universe is a much better option in that case. I still have hope, though, that I may one day find someone to relate to, on the phone or by email even, even if once a month for a couple hours or something like that...though I know it's most probable that it'll never happen.

October 1, 2004
10:05 pm
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nattie
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M3 are you there?? I hope you're ok. I don't usually respond to posts but yours really struck home. I know how you feel, I've felt it and it's a hard place to be. But, you will be ok. Just like I said before and others as well that you have a purpose. I wasn't sure what it was when i first posted but it's clear that your purpose for living is your son. No matter where he is in the world or where you are he will always have a father, YOU and you will always have son, you will never be alone! I know it's scarey to feel alone but maybe your reason for living is for him, to teach him things and to love him. Maybe, like me, he was put here to teach you to love life and to have a purpose? I hope you feel better soon and find peace in your heart. Please Take Care

October 1, 2004
10:41 pm
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lam
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m3,

How are you? I've been so sick since last Sunday and I haven't been on here much, I'm so lost now!

I'm sorry to hear your feeling this way, I hate to ask, I know you don't like to repeat upsetting events, but what happened? I thought the last thing I read in your other post was that Amanda was still thinking about the move to New Orleans with you? Did she say no?

Oh goodness m3, there's always a reason, a purpose to live. ALWAYS. I told you before that I was seconds away from taking my own life, but I didn't and I am so glad I didn't. You know why? Cause good things were around the corner for me! I didn't know that of course, and it took some time and some work on my part, but then wouldn't you know? The BEST thing that ever happened to me happened...I met my husband, my true love. Funny b/c I thought, I mean I KNEW, I had already met him, my ONE true love...when I was 19, just like you. Of course I'm referring to my ex that I've told you about. I truly thought he was the one, the only one, and that I'd never go on without him, let alone be happy.

But I found happiness FINALLY within myself and before you know it, and believe me I was NOT looking, I met my real love. I know you feel right now that you KNOW you'll never be happy or you'll never meet someone that you'll be happy with, but none of us really know that at 19, if ever. I know you don't want to hear that, I don't say it to bust your ass, it's just so true. I was very, ahem, *determined* just as you are, in KNOWING what I felt at 19. Well it all changes and grows and reshapes as you get older, it really does. Honestly, I would lie to ya!

I hope you're ok, my friend. I have been thinking of you in my absence of late and I do hope that you'll check in soon and let us all know how you're doing. We do care for you m3.

Much love,

lam

October 1, 2004
11:54 pm
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m3talc0re
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You all think what I am feeling is just because I am depressed,it isn't. I know that I will never meet anyone else who I could love. I don't go out and do things socially. I get up at 4:30am, get ready, go to work, then get home arround 5:30-6:00pm. By then, I don't have the energy left to go out to anything social. I don't really want to either. I'm not a social person. I don't like being arround people.

As for everything getting better, appearently it wasn't. I got so fucking excited that my prayers were finally being answered and I was going to get the one chance I needed to prove to her how much I love you and she was going to be with me again. I got excited over nothing. Now, I think she thinks she's in love with some other prick who she told me nothing would ever happen between them. Personally, I think she's a sex addict and it is physically killing me to even think about her with another person. Yesterday, one her friends was on and said that some guy was there, one of Amanda's ex's. I asked what they were doing and she said they just went to the bedroom and shut the door. I was furious to the point of just dropping everything and going there and killing him. Then her friend said it was a joke and she turned on the webcam and they were all sitting there at the computer. Amanda told her not to do it, but she did it anyway. That shit put me into the shakes. I had trouble lighting my cigarette and I couldn't type for shit. Then, to make it all even just so much better... The other day, she told me I wouldn't lose her to anyone.. She said she was gonna go do something with her new "friend" and that he was going to stay the night at a hotel there so that he wouldn't have to take the long drive back that late at night. I asked what if he asked her to stay the night and she said she would say "hell no". What happens? She stayed the night in the hotel with him last night. She had our son with them too. I promised her I wouldn't take Richard from her, but if she continues this shit, once I get my own place and everything, I will. She's doing far too much stupid shit for me to trust her with my son. I don't believe a damn word she says anymore. I haven't had the chance to talk to her yet today. Oh, and ya know what her new AIM name is? "erniesbaby**". After she promised me that she was not going to try with any more guys and that she was going to wait and give me another chance, she does this shit. I've cried all I can fucking cry. Now the only thing I want is for every single motherfucker she's been with to die a very painful death and I want it to be done by me. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo and if I EVER see that ernest prick arround, I will slaughter him on the spot. I've tried to do very violent things like this in the past, but there has always been someone arround to stop me... This time, no one will stop me. As much as I love her, she has hurt and betrayed me so much, that I am to the point where I don't know if I actually could forgive and forget. I would like to think that I could, but I don't know if I can anymore. As for any hope that I may have had, it's lost. And as for God being there for me, I think God is just watching me and taunting me. I am tired of this pain, I can't stand it anymore. I'm tired of throwing up every time I think about her with another guy and the shit she has done so far. I haven't been eating much, so when I do throw up, it's mainly what I've drank. I've quit drinking Coke because I can't stand throwing up Coke anymore. I am drinking almost nothing but water now simply for the fact that throwing it up isn't too bad. No matter what I do, she stays on my mind. I can't work for shit because I can't keep my mind on what I'm doing. I am physically and mentally exhausted and I can't take it much longer. I told you before that I was doing everything I could to control myself and my feelings, but I'm losing that fight. Every time I see a "couple" together, I want to just walk over to them and kill them just so they can feel the pain I'm feeling. I was not a good person to begin with. Amanda was the only person to ever make me feel happy and normal. Now I am just going back to the way I was and probably worse thanks to all the pain I'm now having to go through. I have to be driven insane every waking moment by thoughts of her and to top it all off, I don't even get to sleep. I get maybe 3 hours of sleep per night and there is nothing I can do about it. Sleeping pills have had no effect on me. And I did have a slight gut, I've only been working now for maybe 2 weeks... I'm already starting to get a six-pack. How many people do you know that actually get physical changes like that so quickly? Most people work out and don't get results that fast. I don't even work out! I just do new construction plumbing and I'm already showing results from the physical labor. It's not only that, I've been noticing alot of physical changes here lately. It's also like my mind is thinking and acting alot faster than it should. The other day, I watched an 18-wheeler pull out of a gas station. Just the cabin was on the street when my eyes jerked for a split second and it was fully on the street and beginning to drive away. It's like my body is going through physical changes it shouldn't at a time when I'm in pain the most. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm getting ideas, but they are so odd and insane, that they can't be true. I feel like Satan is making all of this happen to me. Making me hurt this much so that I will hate everyone (which I pretty much am now with a few exceptions) and is physically changing me to make me capable of doing his deeds. At this point, I really wouldn't care if that was true either. Amanda was everything to me. She was my heart and soul. Now that I am without her, I don't have them anymore. Think about anything that would define a person or them having a soul and that is the opposite of me. When I tell you that I love Amanda, you really don't get it. She is my only love. I don't care about family type love nor do I really feel any. I do love my son, but I don't want him without her. That would just make me feel that much worse. If I had done only a few things differently, none of this would've ever happened, that's the real bitch of it all.

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