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the new start was his new identity???
August 7, 2007
8:43 am
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lalasgirl
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I was in here before. I thought i could trust him and take him back...have that FRESH start. He encouraged me to leave my family and go to florida with him. Sell my car get a new one there. Forget about all that happened in Ohio...go with him...start again.

He was doing the right things...a.a.; wanting to get into his probation counseling..etc. I thought maybe it could work. So I left with him.

As soon as we got to Florida he became who he used to be here. Got his old I.D. back, became a entirely different identity along with the SSI# illegally gained. That was the deal breaker. But i sold my car, i was put over by the beach while he ran with his vehicle on the other side of the bridge, withheld sexual relations (we were just married a year ago), very abrasive, rude to me, name calling, always threatening to abandon me and then did. Left me with all the bills and rental lease that were conveniently put in my name. I feel so stupid. Financially broken... I am going to go to a counselor through the victims advocate.

This last domestic was one in which we got drunk (yes, WE), and he was using this other i.d.....he humiliated me in this bar by not wanting me to speak, then took me out. I was quiet on the way home listening to him ranting about throwing me out of the truck. when we got home he was pushing me and yelling at me and i got scared and the man downstairs called the police for me. my husband fled. Left. All my fault he says. He spent three days in jail...and now the domestic is a felony status. he bonded out. he is also facing the false i.d. fraud charge and holds that against me too. my fault he says. i told on him...i wasn't a silent sovreign wife, i wasn't devoted enough, i was a fat cow...i was iwas i was...

why do i love this guy? what is wrong with me? i am abandoned and i'm lost & isolated. I'm trying to find the strength to carry on and get past this. I call him on the phone to hear his voice to see if he has gotten help...to see if he has ever gone to the counseling he promised to do but didn't....how stupid.....i keep thinking that he will see the light...what is wrong with my thinking? i am so damaged by the failure of the dream. i am trying to forgive, let go and move on and i'm not doing so well.

August 7, 2007
9:07 am
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lalasgirl
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August 7, 2007
9:13 am
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CAMER
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when he was pushing and yelling at you....the neighbor had to call the cops....See??? what your bf did to you was wrong...he is treating you wrong, and physically abusing you!!!

You need your self esteem back, girl...you don't neeed to be treated like this, and yes, he took alot from you, including your self esteem.

You may just feel lonely, not having him...but think of all the bad things he has done, you deserve so much better!!!!!!!!

August 7, 2007
9:14 am
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wannabe
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sorry lalasgirl

sometimes I wish we could love with our mind instead then we would be more wiser and choosy on whom to give our affcetion.

there is nothing wrong with you so dont be hard on yourself. where is he now? in jail? how are you surviving?

I dont have much input but you will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope soon you can have a bearing on what to do.....

blessings

August 7, 2007
11:35 am
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fantas
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Lalasgirl,

I say this will all the love, care, compassion and affection I can possibly send your way so hear it in this spirit, You need to count your loses, call a friend, relative, or anyone else close to you, and get a one way bus ticket out of there and back to where you came from. It seems he has money to buy liqour with so you can take some of it while he sleeps, either way, you need to get yourself out of there and start your healing while you are away from him.

You need to do a lot of work on yourself to get to a point where you can forgive him and yourself but in the mean time, I don't think you have the strength you need to resist him and stay away from you. If you stay there you will get more sucked inton his drama. He sounds like he is headed straight to jail in my opinion and if you are not careful you will be in there with him.

Stay strong and keep us posted.

August 7, 2007
11:45 am
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fantas
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Maybe you can read the the thread, "where did you meet your partner from hell". You are definitely not alone in this one.

August 7, 2007
2:23 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((lalasgirl))
that loser is not worthy of you. Yeah you love him and it's awfully hard to make the break but you deserve better.

August 7, 2007
2:25 pm
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_anonymous
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lala-The question isnt why do you love this guy. The question is why dont you love yourself? Why do you allow it in your life. No matter what you say or do he will not change. He is a sociopath. Please type SOCIOPATH into a search on the internet and tell me what you think.

He needs to take responsibility for what he has done. It is his fault that he got arrested. It is his fault that he broke the law not yours. Maybe he didnt get what he wante but he got what he deserved. JAIL.

August 7, 2007
4:19 pm
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Zinnie
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Lala,

Call a friend, church, victims advocate - whatever, and get the hell away from him. NOW. Unless you want to end up dead.

You ask the question "why do you love him?" The reply to that is "who cares - just get away or you will end up dead."

Please for your own sake, get home to where you have family and friends that can help you get back on your feet, and do not ever fall for his "new identity" or whatever he wants to call it again.

Z.

August 7, 2007
6:58 pm
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lalasgirl
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he did go to jail and is out on bond for felony domestic, two misdameanors and a fraud charge. i do have an advocate, a counselor and the sheriff's office has been more than attentive and kind. there is legal counseling available too for a dissolution....so i am taking the steps to get on with a good life without the intense drama, bullying and abrasive attitude. it does feel nicer being alone and free....i will get over the lonely and the love. i didn't want to stop loving him just wanted the violence & his false self to stop....so now i can work on me and my mindset/heartset and get better and get over loving him.

i am going back to home state for a moment as my good friends bought me a ticket (and then they will lecture me beyond belief when they get me at the airport) thank God for friends that care...but hey....i will come back as i have a great job teaching children art here. i am reciting the new mantra: I forgive him, i'm letting him go and i am moving forward with my life. he is sick and i am too for being with him. but as you say i can ONLY FIX MYSELF and i am doing so. just joining in this forum is another good step forward for me.

thanks all. but i can't leave for good as i am being subpeonaed for states evidence. i just need to take heed stay alert and don't wander back in his path. i am grateful for the prayers. and bless ya all for mentioning me to the Big Guy up above!!!!

August 8, 2007
2:01 am
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_anonymous
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lala- Please read the new thread
Why You Must Have no Contact With a Sociopath.

I pray you will stand up on that witness stand and tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so his Cowardly Woman Abusing As_ gets put away in a jail so he cant hurt you or anyone else again..

destiny

August 8, 2007
2:13 am
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lalasgirl
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destiny, that whole trial thing scares me. i am scared of him i really am. i am smart to be. he isn't just one man...he is a network of bad news. so i have a fear of not only him but of all his buddies. i know too much. I will be invoking all my strength to come against this man. but you are right. i need to stand up sometime......putting him into prison isn't my agenda. i just wanted him to stop being violent towards me.

August 8, 2007
4:28 am
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wannabe
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keep up the good start.

is there a way you can keep off his life and keep of the testifying too.

August 8, 2007
5:02 am
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chardy
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Lala

I really feel for you,what on earth happens to us? We trust them over and over again, keep taking them back.

I met someone and a year and a half later I sold my house and moved from te UK to Spain with him. I was still able to run mybusiness fromthere but he didn't work, just drunk my money away. More fool me. When I tackled him about it there was an arguement and then while I was asleep he stole my money, my car and took what he could from my credit cards. I was left in the middle of nowhere for two days until my landlord came to the house and took me to the airport so that I could return home to the UK. AFTER ALL THAT I STILL TOOK HIM BACK! Then I married him and life has carried on much the same for the last two and a half years.

Sometimes I feel that I have no strength to get away from him. I hae filed for divorce but he will never leave me alone.

Lala, somehow we both have to find the strength to get these men out of our lives.

(((Lala)))

August 8, 2007
11:52 am
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_anonymous
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lala- If there is a criminal charge against him you should be prepared to follow through. If you drop the charges, it will be like giving him permission to violate you again.

August 8, 2007
2:23 pm
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lalasgirl
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just so you all know. i am going to go to court against him. i don't want to....but i am being subpeoned (sp?) in as states evidence.

the whole fraud thing is unreal. he bought a dead persons i.d. and was using it.....when the sheriff calls they use his other i.d with me and i always correct them....they know that i feel ridiculous about having a husband with another identity. i know i know....he had this prior to homeland security and i was told has been using it for quite some time...hell, he has a record down here in this state under that name!!??!! i feel i am living in a nightmare and i'm praying for the alarm to go off so i can wake up!!!

his buddies are calling the house and hanging up .....one time i got a number and called it back...it was his work friend....don't these creeps have anything better to do than to batter the battered? i reported it...the sheriff is abreast to all the dumb stuff. i have to let this go too...i have to move forward and not be frozen in fear.

i am going to stand up...for if i don't i will be hurting that woman that looks at me in the mirror every morning. the last thing i want to do is hurt her anymore. amen

August 8, 2007
3:51 pm
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_anonymous
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lala- Call the Victim Witness advocate in your state. Call the District Attorneys office who is dealing with your husbands case. You are the one who needs to get a new identity and leave. Change your locks, install a security system. Change your home number and your cell number. Buy an answering machine and screen calls. If your stalked call the police. Change passwords to acconts. Close your bank accounts. Document everything.

August 8, 2007
4:10 pm
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butterfly4u07
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This is extremely hartbreaking to know someone can do this to somebody.
Lalasgirl I know that the love for him was there but when you think about him just remember how he put himself first before you. He didn't love you the way he should have, he loved you for all the wrong reasons, to make himself feel better and didn't care what he put you through, even blamed it all on you to make himself feel better about it. It's not easy to let go of such hurt but stick with what you know best....if it's trying to find a way to let go and make things easier I believe you can do it, in the end you will be strong, look at this like training yourself because NO one deserves that! I hate that men break their promises but they do, but in the end you WILL be somewhere and maybe with a godsent angel while he sits in his own misery, it will only lead him to the worst ne way. Don't be around for that, find ways to make it easy not to care, your soul is worth more than that.

August 9, 2007
10:38 am
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lalasgirl
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the deputy was comin by this a.m. and i was going to go ahead and report my ex for violating his no contact order. (having others call for him telling me to call him...him using the private code to call me, text messages)......but i decided not to go through with it.

in tears i had to deal with the sanity that the deputy was using against my insane logic. i am operating out of fear. not doing what i need to do out of fear. fear of not only him but of his network. fear of my grandchildren not understanding why grandma is putting papa in jail. fear of the failure of all of this court stuff...(i have been here before) the system can fail you know...we go through all the hoops and then they let the jerk out for us to deal with. coming against him seems like coming against myself. i am torn. i just want out and away...but i put myself right smack dab in the midst of it by calling the sheriff...why didn't i just leave before all the drama? i know it isn't my fault for his actions but i carry such guilt for some reason. i was so angry with him about the second i.d. thing that i became the abuser when trying to speak with him about it....verbally i wasn't nice and said i HATED him (the second identity guy) not my true husband but the other man my husband was being...weird eh? I'm damaged over this...very hard to explain....but no one should ever have to go through the pain of being torn apart by their spouse being two people....i'm not built for dealing well with all of this. i'm an art teacher that deals with little children not a counselor dealing with a man acting like a child. i probably protected him again...when i thought i was protecting me......my soul is wounded and the hole it left is major. this sucks.

August 9, 2007
4:20 pm
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Zinnie
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So the question begs why are you still there?

You have friends that are willing to give you a ticket home. You are a children's art teacher, and I am sure that you can secure a position in your field back in Ohio.

Let the police pursue the criminal charges against him. Once he is in prison with a conviction, you will be able to secure a non-contested divorce by a Judge without even having to go through a trial.

Get your divorce, go back to where you have people that can help you and not where you have nut jobs calling you and hanging up and all of the other nonesense that is going on.

Most of all? Stay safe.

Z.

August 9, 2007
4:22 pm
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fantas
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lalas,
you are a classic battered woman. You cannot get yourself out of this and your need to connect the domestic abuse victims people in your state.

Honestly, I don't think you realize the dangerous situation you are in. It's like your house is in flames and you are debating about whether you should take your family portrait or your red shoes, or maybe the china bowl you love so much.

By not letting the police know that your husband has violated the no contact order, you are definitely enabling his criminal ways and you will expect you to keep doing this. You need to accept that that sociopathic, criminal, who is having his friends call and stalk you inorder to intimidate you is your REAL husband, That's the man you are married to. His multiple id's are your sign, that he is a criminal. You wouldn't be getting other signs. I think you have a fully lit dashboard.

I hope that this comes through with urgency I feel for you and your life. You are dealing with matters of life and death I feel. The fear you feel is there to wake you up and save you...

Please keep posting.

August 9, 2007
4:53 pm
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lalasgirl
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i am hearing you loud and clear. i do have a ticket to go back north next wednesday.

the reason i stay is that my 24 year old daughter came down here too to be around me and we love it here. she has a great new position teaching. my second daughter transferred from her college up north to come here too. she is in college here.

my family followed me. i understand what you are saying to me. i keep thinking i can be strong...but from how i read your words to me...i'm not being strong but being stupid. i'm not offended by your words...know that. i feel that i need to stay to make a statement in court. that i will go for a moment back north. let things cool down. allow the system to work...i am going to an invest on the 13th to help the system do the work. really. i am well watched in this tiny community of mine...i feel safer right here under the noses of the sheriffs dept. to go elsewhere makes me worry.

i will be with family next week for two weeks. my mother isn't doing so well and hospice was called in this week. i am needed there and shall go. God has a plan for all of this. I am spiritual enough to know that HE (God) is making it clear to me to leave right now too. (mom and all) so i am listening dear new friends, i am hearing...but i have a life that i have worked hard to achieve with my family in tow right here in this southern area. i must return to this new life here and go FORWARD and not run away and go BACK.

you are right. i was protecting the bully this a.m. i guess i operate out of fear...not sense. i should have violated him....i should have.

August 9, 2007
5:43 pm
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Dear Lala -

You are not alone. I, too, have discovered that my husband has "multiple identities." I am a widow who remarried this past January to a man I met online. He became increasingly abusive, following our wedding. Just 11 weeks after marrying him, my younger son helped me to "escape" from his house, packing all my things and having movers get me out of there, while he was at work.

Since leaving him in April, I have discovered that he has used SIX DIFFERENT ALIASES in this country, including two different birthdates. He is either a narcissist or a sociopath. I am not sure which because I am not a medical professional.

I am sharing this with you, so that you will know that this stuff can happen to ANY of us. The important thing is what we do with the knowledge we acquire about these sick men. So far, I have cooperated fully with creditors looking for him, as well as Homeland Security (who is investigating him for "suspicious activity.")

We cannot -- and MUST NOT -- let these criminal men get away with their actions. It is so important that we work up our courage and TELL THE FULL TRUTH to all authorities involved. You need to let the authorities know that he has broken the law and conveyed messaeges to you, via third parties. Tell them EVERYTHING.

And I would personally encourage you to relocate and start a new life. That is what I am doing.

There is no shame in being deluded or mistreated. There is only shame in allowing criminals to continue victimizing others. If we speak up, we can STOP THEM.

- Ma Strong

August 9, 2007
5:43 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dear Lala -

You are not alone. I, too, have discovered that my husband has "multiple identities." I am a widow who remarried this past January to a man I met online. He became increasingly abusive, following our wedding. Just 11 weeks after marrying him, my younger son helped me to "escape" from his house, packing all my things and having movers get me out of there, while he was at work.

Since leaving him in April, I have discovered that he has used SIX DIFFERENT ALIASES in this country, including two different birthdates. He is either a narcissist or a sociopath. I am not sure which because I am not a medical professional.

I am sharing this with you, so that you will know that this stuff can happen to ANY of us. The important thing is what we do with the knowledge we acquire about these sick men. So far, I have cooperated fully with creditors looking for him, as well as Homeland Security (who is investigating him for "suspicious activity.")

We cannot -- and MUST NOT -- let these criminal men get away with their actions. It is so important that we work up our courage and TELL THE FULL TRUTH to all authorities involved. You need to let the authorities know that he has broken the law and conveyed messaeges to you, via third parties. Tell them EVERYTHING.

And I would personally encourage you to relocate and start a new life. That is what I am doing.

There is no shame in being deluded or mistreated. There is only shame in allowing criminals to continue victimizing others. If we speak up, we can STOP THEM.

- Ma Strong

August 9, 2007
7:54 pm
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lalasgirl
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ma strong, it happens. i can understand your loss as you can mine. the loss of what has happened to our mental stability i mean. it was a total deal breaker...gee not that he dislocated my jaw early on in our marriage was the deal breaker??! but this whole acting like another person thing right in front of me and these people calling him and knowing him by that name....it makes you feel like you are living in the twilight zone. thanks for fessing up to me. it helps me to know others know the pain ....as you say....i am cooperating in the investigation process. most in here think i need to go immediately away...but i have to stay and see this to the conclusion. it is scarey, however, as these criminal minds buy and sell dead people's information....he obtained his prior to homeland security i gather. the most difficult part is that i have to admit this guy was my husband it hurts me beyond belief. i am so afraid of what else he has done...truly i am.

thanks again.

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