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The Mustard Seed - Powerful & Inspirational Messages
May 21, 2005
1:48 pm
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angel4U
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All,

I found these little messages on another board and found them to be so powerful & inspirational I just had to share them. As an fyi - The audience for these postings is Co-dependents, Alcoholics, and other addicted people, but I think they can apply to anyone.

Added note: I was thinking that if anyone wants to discuss any of these further, maybe start a separate thread and put in the title something like: Mustard Seed - Item #X.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!!

angel4u

*****************

THE MUSTARD SEED
Credits go to April on http://www.sober24.com

1. WE CAN BE ASSERTIVE AND STAND UP FOR OURSELVES WITHOUT BEING ABRASIVE OR AGGRESSIVE. LEARN TO SAY: "THIS IS AS FAR AS I GO. THIS IS MY LIMIT. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS." AND MEAN THOSE WORDS.

2. WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL ANGER. WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL AS ANGRY AS WE FEEL. SO DO OTHER PEOPLE. BUT WE ALSO HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY.. PRIMARILY TO OURSEVES..TO DEAL WITH OUR ANGER APPROPRIATELY

3. SHAME AND GUILT SERVE NO LONG-TERM PURPOSE. THEY ARE ONLY USEFUL TO MOMENTARILY INDICATE WHEN WE MAY HAVE VIOLATED OUR OWN MORAL CODES.

4. OVERREACTING MAY IMPAIR OUR MENTAL FUNCTIONING. DECISIVENESS IS HINDERD BY WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK, TELLING OURSELVES WE HAVE TO BE PERFECT, AND TELLING OURSELVE TOO HURRY. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS TO OURSELVES.

5. ARRANGING FOR AND ALLOWING OURSELVES TO HAVE FUN IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES. IT HELPS US STAY HEALTHY. IT HELPS US WORK BETTER. IT BALANCES LIFE. WE DESERVE TO HAVE FUN. FUN IS A NORMAL PART OF BEING ALIVE.

6. IN LOVE AND DIGNITY, SPEAK THE TRUTH -- AS WE THINK, FEEL, AND KNOW IT -- AND IT SHALL SET US FREE.

7. TRUST YOUR HEARTS. IF IT FEELS RIGHT,... IF IT'S WRONG,... DON'T HIT ENTER.

8. WE ALL NEED FORGIVENESS. GRUDGES AND ANGER HURT US; THEY DON'T HELP THE OTHER PERSON MUCH EITHER. FORGIVENESS IS WONDERFUL IT WIPES THE SLATE CLEAN. IT CLEANS UP GUILT. IT BRINGS PEACE AND HARMONY. IT ACKNOWLEDGES AND ACCEPTS THE HUMANNESS WE ALL SHARE, AND IT SAYS, "THAT IS OKAY. I LOVE YOU ANYWAY."

9. WHATEVER OUR SITUATION, WE CAN GO SLOWLY. OUR HEARTS MAY LEAD US WHERE OUR HEADS SAY WE SHOULDN'T GO.

10. WE CAN DISCUSS OUR FEELINGS AND PROBLEMS WITHOUT EXPECTING PEOPLE TO RESCUE US. WE CAN SETTLE FOR BEING LISTENED TO. THAS'T PROBABLY ALL WE EVER WANTED ANYWAY.

11. THE REWARDS FROM DETACHMENT ARE GREAT: SERENTITY; A DEEP SENSE OF PEACE; THE ABILITY TO GIVE AND RECEIVE LOVE IN SELF-ENHANCING WAYS; AND THE FREEDOM TO FIND REAL SOLUTIONS TO OUR PROBLEMS.

12. DENIAL IS A POWERFUL TOOL. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ITS ABILITY TO CLOUD YOUR VISION.

13. ANGER IS A WARNING SIGNAL. IT POINTS TO PROBLEMS. SOMETIMES, IT SIGNALS PROBLEMS WE NEED TO SOLVE. SOMETIMES, IT POINTS TO BOUNDARIES WE NEED TO SET. SOMETIMES, IT'S THE FINAL BURST OF ENERGY BEFORE LETTING GO, OR ACCEPTANCE, SETTLES IN.

14. TALKING OPENLY AND HONESTLY TO ANOTHER PERSON ABOUT OURSELVES, IN AN ATTITUDE THAT REFLECTS SELF-RESPONSIBILITY, IS CRITICAL TO OUR RECOVERY. IT'S IMPPORTANT TO ADMIT WHAT WE HAVE DONE WRONG TO OTHERS AND TO OURSELVES.

15. HOLDING ON TO THE PAST, EITHER THROUGH GUILT, LONGING, DENIAL, OR RESENTMENT, IS A WASTE OF VALUABLE ENERGY -- ENERGY THAT CAN BE USED TO TRANSFORM TODAY AND TOMORROW.

16. GOALS ARE FUN. THEY GENERATE INTEREST AND ENTHUSIASM IN LIFE. THEY MAKE LIFE INTERSTING AND, SOMETIMES, EXCITING. DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME IN YOUR PRESENT COMFORT ZONE. WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE A WEEK, MONTH OR YEAR FROM NOW?

17. "BEFORE I BEGAN RECOVERY, THE CONCEPT OF BEING HONEST WITH ANYONE, INCLUDING MYSELF, NEVER OCCURRED TO ME. FROM THE TIME I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO TALK, BEING HONEST ABOUT WHO I WAS, AND WHAT I THOUGHT, FELT, BELIEVED, WANTED, AND DIDN'T WANT, WAS OUT OF THE QUESTION. I HAD NO HONESTY TRAINING." ~MELODY BEATTIE, CODEPENDENTS' GUIDE TO THE TWELVE STEPS.

18. "TAKE AIM AND PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE...!"

19. WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. IT DOES NOT HELP OTHERS FOR US TO GET OFF BALANCE. WE DO NOT LEAD OTHERS INTO THE LIGHT BY STEPPING INTO DARKNESS WITH THEM.

20. ALCOHLISM AND OTHER COMPULSIVE DISORDERS LAUGH IN THE FACE OF LIMITS. THE DISEASES NOT ONLY PUSH ON OUR BOUNDARIES, THEY STEP BOLDLY ACROSS THEM. BOUNDARIES ARE LIMITS THAT SAY: "THIS IS HOW FAR I SHALL GO. THIS IS WHAT I WILL OR WON'T DO FOR YOU. THIS IS WHAT I WON'T TOLERATE FROM YOU."

21. SOME RELATIONSHIPS HAVE COME INTO MY LIFE TO MAKE ME STRONG, TEACH ME HOW TO OWN MY POWER, AND SHOW ME HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES.

22. Beautiful words of recovery heard today: "MAY BE IT JUST WASN'T MEANT TO BE."

23. DIRECTNESS SAVES TIME AND ENERGY. IT REMOVES US AS VICTIMS. IT DESPENSES THE MARTYDOM AND GAMES. IT HELPS US OWN OUR POWER. IT CREATES RESPECFUL RELATIONSHIPS. IT FEELS SAFE TO BE AROUND DIRECT, HONEST PEOPLE. BE ONE.

24. TRYING EXCESSIVELY TO MAKE A POINT WITH ANOTHER MAY MEAN THAT WE HAVE NOT YET MADE THAT POINT WITH OUTSELVES. ONCE WE MAKE THAT POINT WITH OURSELVES, ONCE WE UNDERSTAND, WE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

25. WE OFTEN CAN HAVE WHAT WE REALLY WANT AND NEED, OR SOMETHING BETTER. LETTING GO IS PART OF WHAT WE DO TO GET IT.

26. WHENEVER FEELING ANY SIGNIFICANT ANGER TOWARD YOURSELF, GOD, OR ANYONE ELSE, YOU WILL BEST HANDLE THAT ANGER IF YOU IMMEDIATELY ANALYZE WHETHER IT IS APPROPRIATE OR INAPPROPRIATE. YOU WILL THEN GAIN INSIGHT INTO YOUR ANGER.

27. JUST TRY THIS FOR SEVEN DAYS... WHEN YOU FIRST AWAKE, GET OUT OF BED. DON'T LAY THERE AND THINK. GET GOING. LET ME KNOW THE RESULTS. OK?

28. "How do we detach? How do we extricate our emotions, mind body and spirit from the agony of entanglement? As best we can. And, probably a bit clumsily at first. An old AA and Al-Anon saying suggests a three-part formula called "HOW", Honesty, Openness and Willingness to try", from Melodie Beatty's "Codependent No More"

29. To thine own self be true

30. PEACE: PEACE IS A STATE OF TRANQUILITY AND HARMONY. PEACE FEELS GOOD. IT COMES WITH THE RECOVERY PACKAGE. IT MAY MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST, BUT YOU'LL LEARN TO GET USED TO IT.

31. We need love. The love of a friend,... a pet,...etc. The "Greatest" really is LOVE.

32. Detachment: This is what those of us who are deeply into caretaking and controlling nead to do. Let go of others,.......release with LOVE. If we are too angry to detach with love,... detach anyway. Work on the anger and let love and compassion come when it's time. We cannot controll,... and we cannot change. Detach from unhealthy involvement with others. This means that we stop attempting to make someone or something different, and try doing nothing for awhile. After that, focus on yourself. Then, learn about acceptance.

33. More on Detachment: "You own your own power."

34. "IT (DETACHMENT) IS NOT DETACHING FROM THE PERSON WHOM WE CARE ABOUT, BUT FROM THE AGONY OF INVOLVEMENT."

35. Our power is our ability to take responsibility for ourselves. To think, feel, solve problems, and find our direction. Our power lies in speaking our truth, setting appropriate boundaries, refusing to tolerate abuse or mistreatment. Owning our power does not mean controlling others or having power over them. It doesn't mean reacting to others out of fear or a need to manage them. It means finding that centered place within us and acting from the place.

36. Positive change results when we become aware of, and accept a better way.

37. THERE IS HEALING IN FORGIVENESS.

38. "So many people have asked me what to do for depressed friends and relatives, and my answer is actually simple: blunt their isolation. Do it with cups of tea or with long talks or by sitting in a room nearby and staying silent or in whatever way suits the circumstances, but do that. And do it willingly. The loving is that you are there, simply paying attention, unconditionally. If suffering is what the person is doing right then, that's what they're doing. You're being with that -- not trying like crazy to do somthing about it. - from the chapter, Hope. The Noonday Demon, by Andrew Solomon

May 21, 2005
2:07 pm
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sewunique
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Thanks angel4u,

I really needed to read these today as am struggling with many issues, but mainly a situation that is out of my control, but that which I need to take some action. Can't talk about it, but hoping for good thoughts and whatever is in your heart to go that way.

Thanks,

Sew

May 21, 2005
2:40 pm
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angel4U
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Hi sewunique -

Sending my thoughts, hugs and prayers your way!!!

You are a very wise, compassionate and rational person and I have all the confidence in the world that you will make the right decision. Go with your gut, sew, it won't let you down.

angel4u

May 21, 2005
3:02 pm
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Rasputin
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(((((Angel4u)))))

You are always generous, smart and resourceful. We all have our own issues and obstacles. I will definitely save it. It is too precious not to be kept in my floders.

Thank you so much, God bless you!

((((HUGS & PRAYERS))))

May 21, 2005
5:15 pm
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addicts wife
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thanks... I copied and pasted these things...Im sure they'll be on the bulliten board shortly..
(((hugs)))

May 21, 2005
6:24 pm
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Angel, these have been in my diaper bag (which is where my most neccassary never leave home without them items go) since the day you told me I HAD to read them. Thank you so mcuh, every day I find something I needed in them.

I hope you are well and happy and finding the ballance you seem to have been seeking lately.
((((((((((ANGEL)))))))))))

May 21, 2005
8:58 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Hey Angel,

Thanks so much for these. I didn't start a new thread, but the one that hit home for me the most was -

34. "IT (DETACHMENT) IS NOT DETACHING FROM THE PERSON WHOM WE CARE ABOUT, BUT FROM THE AGONY OF INVOLVEMENT."

I just wanted to say that I'd like to change the last word to "Over-involvement". The person whose behavior is dysfunctional and is close to us is usually very difficult to avoid involvement with. Over-involvement is when we are together but with crossed boundaries. I have realized as a "coda mom" that I used to try to fix my daughter's behavior in order to avoid pain for myself. Now I mentally picture myself giving the pain back to her and letting the situation alone.

saralyn had posted a wonderful saying which read that she had gone from "in pieces" to "peace", I love that!!

Thanks again for these, I am going to print them out.

Blessings & ((((HUGS)))),

CM

May 21, 2005
9:47 pm
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exoticflower
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-"Our power is our ability to take responsibility for ourselves. To think, feel, solve problems, and find our direction. Our power lies in speaking our truth, setting appropriate boundaries, refusing to tolerate abuse or mistreatment. Owning our power does not mean controlling others or having power over them. It doesn't mean reacting to others out of fear or a need to manage them. It means finding that centered place within us and acting from the place. "

This is the one that refers to thing that I really find myself needing to reflect on and remind myself of most often regularly. I think it's true of anyone, codependant or not, but so much so for me that I nearly cried that someone could pinpoint exactly what I needed to hear!

May 22, 2005
12:47 am
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angel4U
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Hey All - I am glad you have all found this beneficial!!

Coda_Mom - You know me, I'm pretty easy going, so no problem adding your thoughts here. I agree with the change you made to "over involvement" ... makes perfect sense! And actually I think you may have started a trend. Here's the main ones I have just worked through:

1. WE CAN BE ASSERTIVE AND STAND UP FOR OURSELVES WITHOUT BEING ABRASIVE OR AGGRESSIVE. LEARN TO SAY: "THIS IS AS FAR AS I GO. THIS IS MY LIMIT. I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS." AND MEAN THOSE WORDS.

13. ANGER IS A WARNING SIGNAL. IT POINTS TO PROBLEMS. SOMETIMES, IT SIGNALS PROBLEMS WE NEED TO SOLVE. SOMETIMES, IT POINTS TO BOUNDARIES WE NEED TO SET. SOMETIMES, IT'S THE FINAL BURST OF ENERGY BEFORE LETTING GO, OR ACCEPTANCE, SETTLES IN.

24. TRYING EXCESSIVELY TO MAKE A POINT WITH ANOTHER MAY MEAN THAT WE HAVE NOT YET MADE THAT POINT WITH OURSELVES. ONCE WE MAKE THAT POINT WITH OURSELVES, ONCE WE UNDERSTAND, WE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO.

25. WE OFTEN CAN HAVE WHAT WE REALLY WANT AND NEED, OR SOMETHING BETTER. LETTING GO IS PART OF WHAT WE DO TO GET IT.

35. Our power is our ability to take responsibility for ourselves. To think, feel, solve problems, and find our direction. Our power lies in speaking our truth, setting appropriate boundaries, refusing to tolerate abuse or mistreatment. Owning our power does not mean controlling others or having power over them. It doesn't mean reacting to others out of fear or a need to manage them. It means finding that centered place within us and acting from the place.

* The problems I needed to solve (within myself) and the point I was trying to make (for the last year) with someone else & myself was that they were being disrespectful and inconsiderate of me, and that their drinking was not heathly for them or for me. When I finally accepted that "I" felt this was totally true and not acceptable for how "I" want to be treated, rather than trying to understand the reasoning behind it or find any rationality for it (btw - I know it's the past people in my life that even gets me to question the why's rather than just saying "not gonna tolerate it, sorry, gotta go"), I lost interest in trying to make my point to "them" anymore ... it's as if I finally found that "centered place", and woke up and finally realized "it's not ok for me" and it doesn't matter if they think otherwise, it's what "I" think that matters most! And from there, I had to say "asta la vista, baby! I'm out of here until (if ever) you stop drinking and treat me better! In the meantime, I'm on to bigger and better things, cuz d*mmit, I deserve it!"

"19. WE CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. IT DOES NOT HELP OTHERS FOR US TO GET OFF BALANCE. WE DO NOT LEAD OTHERS INTO THE LIGHT BY STEPPING INTO DARKNESS WITH THEM.

* And this one I believe whole heartedly ... I guess it's the opposite of what the psychic said in Amityville Horror ... Don't stay away from the light, keep following it! Lead by example. You need to do what you believe in and say NO to what you don't believe in if you are ever going to have people believe in you. And not only "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" ... but also "do not allow others to do unto you, what you would not do unto others". And lastly, "be what you want and you will eventually draw others that are like you to you."

And I'm reaching out to find more people in my life like this cuz I am a pretty direct, open & honest person ... and I find it sooo much easier to be with others that are as well!:

23. DIRECTNESS SAVES TIME AND ENERGY. IT REMOVES US AS VICTIMS. IT DESPENSES THE MARTYDOM AND GAMES. IT HELPS US OWN OUR POWER. IT CREATES RESPECFUL RELATIONSHIPS. IT FEELS SAFE TO BE AROUND DIRECT, HONEST PEOPLE. BE ONE.

May 22, 2005
12:56 am
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angel4U
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saralyn - I forget to let you know that I also loved this line: "in pieces" to "peace" ... it really caught my eye when I read it.

I think all of us feel like are "in pieces" when we are struggling ... and I think "peace" is really want we are sealing in the end, so this was so perfectly stated. Can you share more of how you got to where you are at?

May 22, 2005
1:00 am
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angel4U
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Wow, I must be tired as that last post of mine had TYPO CITY written all over it .. here's what I meant to wite (if I can get it right this time!) ...

I think all of us feel like we are "in pieces" when we are struggling ... and I think "peace" is really what we are seaking in the end, so this was so perfectly stated. Can you share more of how you got to where you are at?

May 22, 2005
1:02 am
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angel4U
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Hey AW, you must have a really BIG bulletin board!!! ... LOL!! ... =))

((((((((AW))))))))

May 22, 2005
11:29 pm
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Anonymous
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ANGEL4U,THANKS,SO MANY TIMES. THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED. THIS IS SO MUCH OF ME. WISHED I COULD'VE FOUND THIS 27 YEARS AGO. MY LIFE COULD'VE BEEN A WHOLE LOT DIFFERENT. LET ME TELL YOU IT WILL BE DIFFERENT NOW. JUST THANKS AGAIN. YOU WERE AN ANGEL FOR ME.

May 22, 2005
11:47 pm
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angel4U
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Glad to hear it, 5YDCCL! ... and glad to see you came downstairs too ... =))

Hope you have a peaceful rest tonight now!

angel4U

May 23, 2005
1:33 pm
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2bstrong
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Hi angel,

Found this and was overjoyed! Thank you for the inspiration and gentle guidance for my (our) day.

2bstrong

May 25, 2005
4:11 pm
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on my way
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This is awesome and very beneficial angel..thank you.

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