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The King Of Denial
March 25, 2006
5:09 pm
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anniem
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September 24, 2010
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So, I'll be visiting my son soon, I tell my spouse. Oh? He says, exactly when? Well, we're not sure which weekend yet. I think I'll take off the whole weekend, he says, as long as I have enough notice, I want to work on the house. When my son calls me with the info on tickets, then I'll be able to tell you, I say. I need some notice so that I can contact my father so that he has enough travel time, he says. Excuse me? I counter. My father, I want my father to visit while you're gone, he replies. Not in my house, I state harshly. What difference will it make to you? You won't be home. YOU'RE FATHER MOLESTED ME. I DO NOT WANT HIM IN MY HOUSE. WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???" He looked very angry. Fine. As usual everything has to be YOU'RE way. He says with grit teeth. Now we are in a cold war.

March 25, 2006
5:18 pm
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jastypes
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September 30, 2010
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Tough one. It is understandable that you do not want to be around your FIL. But do you really have the right to keep him from visiting his son? I assume the house belongs to your husband too. It is OUR house. Father/son relationships are important. It must tear your husband apart to think that his father would betray him that way. Yet, the father/son bond is strong. I don't know what their relationship was before the incident(s) took place, but obviously he still cares about his dad. If healing needs to take place between father/son, husband/wife, it is more likely to take place when forgiveness happens. Now, that does not mean that you should lower your boundaries and put yourself in a dangerous position, but it sounds to me like allowing your FIL to visit when you are away is a good compromise.

March 25, 2006
5:35 pm
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readyforachange
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September 27, 2010
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anniem.....I agree that this situation must seem very difficult for you. I think it might be more than just the fact that your father in law would be in your house. Maybe you feel as if your husband is betraying you by welcoming him into your home, or wanting to spend time with him at all after what he did. I can relate to that feeling. I feel that toward everyone who treats my ex nicely after they know all of the horrible things he did to me. Your feelings are valid. I think maybe you were shocked by his sudden declaration, and you reacted. I wold suggest a calm, rational discussion with your husband, letting him know exactly how this would hurt you. Maybe you can suggest that they spend time together, but at his father's house or in a neutral place. I don't know that you can expect him to cut all ties with his father, but I would think he should respect your feelings.

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