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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (Pros & Cons)
August 5, 2005
1:42 am
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SassyAlex
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OK everyone, here's an activity I was going to do anyway, but maybe it's better if we share here. I am making the valuable Pro and Con list. I know we need to focus on the cons of the people we are "hooked" into, but, let's face it, most of us are dwelling on the good parts anyway, so we may as well put them into a manageable list. Sometimes it really helps to have these things in writing in front of our eyes!

So here goes mine...

Pros:

*Tall, gorgeous hair, eyes, lips, skin, body...crap, he's beautiful (may as well get the physical out of the way) Our bodies fit perfectly together, smells amazing
*Extremely affectionate
*Dependable, always always calls or shows up when he's supposed to
*Hard working
*Generous
*Funny
*Thoughtful (always brought flowers, always asked if I needed something from the store, sent me sweet messages during the day, every day)
*Helpful (fixed things, went shopping, helped with laundry, household chores)
*Accepting (very much so, until the end when he flipped out and attacked my past)
*Wanted to see me all the time
*Was very kind and understanding of female issues like PMS, periods, etc
*Always thought I was beautiful, was proud of me
*Willing to try new things that I liked

Cons:

*Is way into internet porn
*His thing with porn carried over into our sexual relationship, and lead to...
*Not being able to share real, deep intimacy with another person
*Is not passionate about anything
*Never cried or showed much emotion about anything
*Lies (then blames it on "not wanting to make me upset"), never really owns up to the lies, even when caught
*Cannot be trusted (for many reasons)
*Hides things (these 3 above all tie in together)
*Lives with Mommy (has the weird almost incestuous relationship with her, still lets her feed him)
*His mommy doesn't want to meet me unless we are getting married, has no desire to even say hello, that's f*cked up
*Not intellectual
*Young (age doesn't matter, but there are things he just doesn't know how to handle yet)
*Is lacking in inner strength

You know, reflecting on this list, he has some amazing qualities that are so hard to find in most men...but the bad things are baaad, and it just goes to show, if you don't have trust in a relationship, you don't have anything. If he never felt the need to lie or hide things from me, we wouldn't be apart right now.

August 5, 2005
2:11 am
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SassyAlex
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Oh, and I forgot a super important Pro, which is that no matter what mundane task we were doing, laundry, waiting for the subway, etc, it was fun. Being with him and doing everything was so much fun. I've never had that before except with friends.

Damn, these pros are getting to me. I am in a constant state of wavering between the pros and cons...I know you guys on here can relate to that back and forth.

August 5, 2005
8:18 am
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CAMER
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pro: kind, caring, sensitive, giving, understanding, handsome, communicative.

cons: addictions to anything, not working or no interest in work, not
helping around the house with chores, being selfish, drinking "too" much, being mean and abusive, too much swearing, too much yelling, anger issues, no past history of jail time, cheap men, men who take my kindess for my weakness, hmmmm, i could go on and on!

August 5, 2005
9:34 am
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keepin on
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Pro's: In the top 5 best looking men I have ever seen in my life (seroiusly), very affectionate, he's a cuddler, wants me to go everywhere with him, not cheap at all. Funny. Identical backgrounds. *Helpful in some ways. Has put up with a lot of my outbursts at a time when it really was not about him (i was going though a divorce)Tells me how beautiful i am and makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world he is interested in.

Cons: Knows how good looking he is. Never helpful when I ever need him to be, struggles with drug addiction, even though he's a cuddler, he usually does not want sex. He lies when the truth would be easier, and just like someone else said, claims he just does not want to upset me. He avoids any serious talk whatsoever about our relationship. Forget housework. He does not care much for work, but he owns a business so he does mostly the sales end and does make money. He definetly has alot of the narsassitic personality traits! He can't understand why anyone would not just want to be around him and give and give while he puts little or preferably no effort at all into a relationship.

August 5, 2005
9:45 am
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keepin on
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Oh and Sassy, this is such a Great exercise right now for all of us, but for you on day 4 (stay strong) good luck, i'm here if you want to talk, and for me as I begin day two. It's so easy to focus on the good, believe me I know. Remember, I am the one who has to hear the footsteps upstairs from me on top of everything. We can do this. It took me a long time to even try this because I knew I would fail, so I waited until I felt that I had exhausted all avenues. But I am at least as co-dependant as anyone else's story I have seen here so it will be a struggle.

August 5, 2005
10:22 am
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CAMER
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((keepin on)) wow i give you credit..esp hearing the footsteps above!!! you are a strong woman, keep up the good work, and please post if you think you may want contact with him!!!

August 5, 2005
10:50 am
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keepin on
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Thanks CAMER. I definetly will. You guys are awesome on this site! If I can make it through today, I am suppose to go out with a couple of girlfriends tonight for awhile, that is if I follow through, sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything.

August 5, 2005
11:02 am
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D dog
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PRO: Absolutely beautiful physically, great dresser, perfect hygiene, keeps home neat (wait a minute...its he gay???), not gay, kind, very generous, sensitive, considerate lover...fun-loving, adventurous, has an almost child-like innocence.

CONS: Still attached to his ex-wife, avoids relationship issues, inconsistent, cannot commit.

Hmmm...maybe he just needs time. And a little space.

This a great exercise!! Thanks!

Happy today -
D dog
:o)

August 5, 2005
1:28 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi Sassy

PROS:
He's a man of faith. He’s tall, dark, and handsome. A thinker, very professional, but his passion lies in what he creates with his hands (carpenter or gardener or musician).

He volunteers at the Pacific Mission Garden Shelter where he teaches the rudiments of his craft to help the men and women there become more self-sufficient.

Since we both crave adventure we go skydiving, bungee jumping, and for motorcycle rides.

He’s a classic gentleman, opens doors, stands till I sit, pulls out chairs, and profusely compliments my appearance.

He’s well educated; so, we discuss philosophy and psychology and religion. He’s practical; so, we discuss popular culture, our separate exercise regiments, and HBO’s Six Feet Under.

He has a great rapport with my son. They go fishing, camping, hunting together…I’m no longer allowed to go hunting, because I keep trying to resuscitate the animals they kill.

It’s a good relationship because we’re a team. He values my opinion, cherishes my thoughts, and doesn’t make major decisions without me.

I appreciate his values, always let him know how much I trust and him, and respect his position as the head of our househould.

CONS:
I haven't met him yet.

August 5, 2005
1:47 pm
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kathygy
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The cons I hear here are so bad that it doesn't matter how good the pros are! If a man can't take personal responsibility for his actions then I say forget it. If he lies, I say forget it. If he can't have a deep emotionally intimate sexual relationship, I say forget it. And so on. You need to be able to find a man with a lot of good qualities without the cons listed here. They exist. You shouldn't have to put up with these cons. You deserve the best life has to offer.

love,
kathy

August 5, 2005
9:46 pm
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Anonymous
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LOL, Y&R!!! Touche'!

August 5, 2005
10:49 pm
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Rasputin
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Y&R

ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

August 6, 2005
9:53 am
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basketcase
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Y & R, that was too much! Thanks for the early morning laugh.

Here goes mine......

PROS: Absolutely the hottest guy I have ever dated! (seems they all have that in common, huh?), charming, funny, thoughtful (at least in the beginning he was), great dad to his kids (tried to be to mine), sexiest voice I have ever heard! ok....I'm too angry to do this now, I'm not finding a whole lot of positive things about him!

CONS: totally selfish, lots of addictions, intimidating, narcissistic, sex turned weird (with his addictions, he has pretty much "done it all" so that was really uncomfortable for me, has left me and my 3 kids broke with unpaid bills after I gave him $750 to get a new truck.....need I say more?

August 6, 2005
10:10 am
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lollipop3
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ROFL.......Y&R....that was great.

I JUST LOVE PEOPLE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!

Pros: Intelligent, hard working, physically beautiful, witty, funny, outgoing, willing to try new things, complimentary, understanding of female stuff, even tempered (doesn't get angry about small stuff, road rage, etc.), participates with my family, has stayed sober/drug free for one year, perfect hygeine, smells good, very neat, cooks, does own laundry, fixes things around house, car, etc., affectionate. I'm sure there's more that I can't think of right now......

Cons: Can be immature, financially irresponsible (very impulsive), expects me to read his mind, selfish at times, takes no responsiblity for his actions (it's always someone else's fault), puts too much emphasis on money and appearances.

Lolli

August 6, 2005
12:56 pm
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lollipop3
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I thought of another Pro......perhaps a bit odd but a Pro none the less......

In four years.....He has never had bad breath and I have never heard him fart.

Can I get an Amen ladies......

Lolli

August 6, 2005
12:59 pm
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jamaicanwife
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pros: good father; really does love me; gets along with my family; ambitious; finally geting his life together - back in school, new job that he's good at; has some terrific friends who are now my friends; funny; very intelligent;

cons: poor hygiene; likes to be waited on - very low energy, not physically active at all; likes to be together more than I do - acts rejected when I try to get some space; is very easily offended by me, but takes crap from everybody else without complaint; looks up to other people a lot, absorbs their opinions and makes them his own; won't ever give up when we disagree - I just want him to shut up, so I used to give in, but now arguments last forever; self-righteous; feels sorry for himself all the time, and expects me to express loads of sympathy; being around him makes me feel negative emotions - guilt, distress, irritation, anger, hurt, resentment, suffocation - and few positive emotions; I want to get away from him all the time; different tastes and interests; the frequent fighting.

August 7, 2005
1:56 pm
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Anonymous
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LOL

Are you guys laughing WITH me or AT me?

August 7, 2005
1:57 pm
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lollipop3
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Most definately....with you.

Lolli

August 7, 2005
2:03 pm
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exoticflower
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Oh, FUN!!! Alex, you somehow managed to get with my ex, btw!:)

So, let's start with the pro's:

SUCH a good lover, he was a virgin when we met four years ago, and is as such custome made to my own desires.

SMART. He really is, graduated with honors and as a Phi kapa something smart member from Notre Dame our first year togeather.

Child support is always in full.

He is my idea of handsome...he looks almost exactly like Eric Stoltz, who I alone think is a total babe.

My father loves him. they are so much alike, it's scary.

When he takes responsability for our daughter, he is wonderful.

Speaking of, she just woke up crying...I'll be back with the LONGER list of cons soon!

August 7, 2005
2:31 pm
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alyssa
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pros: He loves me and he loves the kids.

cons: He works about 18 to 20 hours a day. 7 days a week. he isn't home much to make a very big list of pros or cons.

could be the reason I have never heard him fart either. lol

August 7, 2005
3:05 pm
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lollipop3
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ROFL....Alyssa......

Lolli

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