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The Drama Triangle
September 28, 2003
12:43 am
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unhappy camper
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September 30, 2010
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This is a good read. I hope you take the time to read through it.

YOU CAN’T FAIL

Before the Great Awakening, a person does what he thinks he has to do to survive. He creates all kinds of coping strategies, but inside he thinks that he may be a liar, a cheater, an infidel, a betrayer, a perpetrator. Outside he presents himself as good guy who is justified in being an angry victim. Inside fear, guilt and stress seem to reign.

What keeps this victim triangle going? Primordial guilt and its accompanying stress. We have bought into a guilt-and-blame system which says that someone lied, someone hurt or got hurt, someone was disappointed or disappointing. Someone trusted and someone betrayed. Once you step out of this triangle, it begins to dawn on you that this system in which we trusted had to be betrayed. We realize that primordial guilt arises from the primordial lie (belief) that someone trusted and someone betrayed, and the resulting pain is the cause of stress. And it seems to be so. And we take a self-righteous stand that it is so.

And the only thing that exceeds the painfulness of this "fact" is our conviction that we are "right" about it. Each person then becomes "right in his own eyes." And that judgment seals the trap tight and we are locked inside the four walls of ignorance: guilt, fear, pain and judgment. All four of these are mis-qualified energies. These four walls that compose the trap of ignorance are simply limited states of mind. Upon strenuous questioning and analysis, these symptomatic states of mind fall apart and Infinity is revealed.

The victim triangle then is merely a circular belief system. Limiting beliefs create the victim perception; the victim perception creates a need for the rescuer experience; the failed rescuer experience sets you up to become a perpetrator; the failed perpetrator experience sets you up again as the victim.

When you step out of the triangle, you begin to experience the Infinite and you realize that the Infinite cannot be victimized, has no one to perpetrate against and no need for rescuing. What a shock! It was all a nightmare, a melodrama designed for our awakening. Every symptom we ever had was a gift. Every false motive we ever attributed to anyone was designed to backfire, to reveal the falseness of the melodrama, and to penetrate the wall of ignorance.

"Marriage" seems to deteriorate into a log jam, and then into a desert and finally into a battlefield. But we were never married, and there was no communication log jam, and there was no inner emptiness and emotional starvation, and there is no emotional war going on. What we called "marriage" was an arrangement we cooked up to remedy our assumed separateness, lack and victimhood. We were excited that this special relationship would solve all of our so-called problems. We were in love with the possibility of paradise in this relationship. We misconstrued and distorted many things as part of our marriage-as-salvation story. Then some time later, we had communication log-jams and we were confused and irritated that it wasn’t working. Then we went into a state of self-defense and we began to experience the desert of separateness and lack. We felt we had become enemies and we blamed each other for our inner starvation and for the ruination of paradise. It wasn’t but one step then to turn this desert experience into a Desert Storm, a battle for survival. Somebody took my oil, somebody moved my cheese, and I am going to get rid of (divorce) this so-and-so. And I will fight down to the last dollar and child visitation issue to prove I am right and have been victimized.

The courts are full of the records of these fights and our souls seem scarred from the injuries of the battle. And now we are very suspicious and distrustful of this human enterprise called marriage.

It is time to get out of the triangle. It is time to wake up from the nightmare. It is time to recognize that you wrote the script for a good reason. It is time to find that out that all the reasons you have given yourself before are not The Reason, and therefore none of your diagnoses and prescriptions could have worked well enough to get the job done. It is time to re-diagnose and re-interpret your symptoms to discover your Infinity.

All of your good intentions have not "failed" and you are not "inadequate." All of your so-called suffering and pain was not useless. No one took your cheese, and no one hurt you. And you did not fail and you cannot fail. You will awaken to Success in a totally different way that you expected. Success is not something you accomplish, it is what you are. In spite of any appearances to the contrary, you are God’s Success Project, and God isn’t through with you yet. You will see that failure was a mis-diagnosis and was simply a symptom of Infinity. No one wins in the drama triangle unless everyone wins. And every apparent loss and failure is just a step closer to the total disillusionment of finding out what doesn’t work and awakening. Wow!

"I want to be so rescued so bad," she said. "I’ve wanted that my whole life. I really want it. I’ve never wanted anything so bad!" This subconscious theme of wanting to be dependent and wanting to be rescued is no doubt a very deep belief in the psyche of every person. You make yourself a victim to anyone who seems to promise to rescue you from the painful sense of loneliness, insecurity, weakness and inadequacy. This makes you very vulnerable to abuse. You give and give and give and no one rescues you in return. You become disappointed because the other party was using you to rescue themselves without admitting it. And so all the while you wanted to be rescued and this rescuer wanted it even more and so he hid his wish and pretended not to be dependent, weak and vulnerable. Now the jig is up and you turn around and become the perpetrator, instead of the victim-feeling-used-as-rescuer. Now he gets to be the victim, and he has to beg for rescue, and that turns your stomach because you recognize that he perceives you now as the abuser. What a circus!

So which of these three roles in the Drama Triangle had you rather not be? It doesn’t matter because they are all interchangeable. They are all symptomatic beliefs and you are none of them and neither is anyone else, but they are clues to, and reminders of, your Infinity. Lighten up and enjoy the show.

It might make it easier to digest if I just said "Suppose you were Infinite. Make it a game, play with it, experiment with it, try it on for size, pretend it is so for a few hours. Imagine it like a childhood game. Suppose you were God for a Day, what kind of universe would you create? What rules would you have?" Is that such a strange game? It’s what we have always been doing, except subconsciously!

http://www.spiritualpsychother...../id77.html

September 28, 2003
11:53 am
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mj
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Good Morning UC,
I really am enjoying reading this website you posted 🙂 Thanks!

You seem to be working through your issues....YOU Go Girl 🙂

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