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the "devoted" friends
August 31, 2001
1:51 pm
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peter
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where do i begin? i had a group of 5 friends who were like brothers to me. in college we went everywhere together and hung out. but our third year 3 of them did me wrong. one came home with me for christmas stole from me (the clock my grandma gave me) and insulted my family to their faces. the other just started disrespecting me calling me names when it made him look good and me look bad. that made me feel like crap. the other i lived with for a year and he yelled at me constantly telling me how stupid i was. now they're all trying to be my friends again all of a sudden. but i don't trust none of them. they say they're sorry just like the other hundreds of times they said it insincerely. they say they want the group back together and that we should put hurtful things behind us. i'm asking y'all what to do because part of me says forgive and give it one more try. the other part says they got alotta nerve. why should i talk to them? they treated me like crap!!!!!!!!! why are they even here now? when i cuttem off i told them i hated them had nothing to say to them and to stay the h*** outta my life. now i know one of them their father died and i went by to visit briefly outta sympathy not friendship i couldn't watch someone that hurt and not help. but as for friendship i don't know. what should i decide. not to mention i havn't forgave any of them in my heart.

August 31, 2001
7:24 pm
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Molly
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We grow, and as a result, our friends change, obviously you have, and they collectively have not. You did the right thing respectfully stopping by the house, its the decent thing to do, but as for the rest of it, I say hold on to the good memories, and go out with your more current friends, and hope that some day, they grow and get it.

September 1, 2001
11:23 am
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pg lova
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peter,

Christ preached forgiveness and for your own sake, not theirs, definitely try and find it in your heart to forgive. As for your "friends" do not give them the time of day. They were dead wrong to treat you that way. One value that my mother always instilled in me is that "you do not ever mistreat another human being." There is just no excuse. I say forgive but forget. Forgive their actions but forget that they ever existed.

September 2, 2001
4:49 pm
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malaikau
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Dear Peter,
It is possible for you to forgive these people and still not allow them to hurt you again. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean that you bring them close to you once again and allow them to hurt you. They have demonstrated what you mean to them through their actions, and it seems clear enough.

Forgiveness can provide you with inner peace and less anger and resentment around things that happened with them. It can also enable you to learn from this experience and move forward toward finding the kind of friends who can offer you the positive companionship and support you need.

I hope everything works out well for you!

Mal

September 4, 2001
5:14 pm
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peter
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it's been a few days now and i still havn't talked to them. i wouldn't know what to say to them. i don't think i can face them right now. not after what all happened between us. a close friend of mine suggested i call them up. but i don't wanna. i don't know if i even want contact with them. they were the brothers i never had and i feel so betrayed. they say time heals all things i wish that were the case. i'm still hurt and frustrated by what they did. then while they did it i tried everything to regain their friendship like i had done something wrong just because i had low self-esteem. but no matter what i did they still kept hurting me more and more. i'm working toward a decision concerning this matter all suggestions are appreciated.

September 4, 2001
7:08 pm
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pg lova
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Peter,

Take all of the time you need! If you don't feel the need to talk to them right now, wait until you feel up to it. And by the way, don't refer to the situation as "their friendship" because anyone who would treat you this way is not a friend. It's more productive to say that you put your trust in the incorrect people and they ended up backstabbing you. Therefore, refer to them as backstabbers. Also, if you could tell me, why is your self-esteem so low. Did something happen in the past that caused it? Did you choose "friends" whose personalities were similar to those of previous tormentors? Because studies have shown that when you are abused you tend to keep the company of those people with characteristics similar to those of your previous abusers. Well, write me back with the answers to those, and from there we'll dissect what exactly it is that's making you feel you have to have people like that around you.

Be blessed in all you do and take care,
PG Lova

September 4, 2001
7:13 pm
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retard
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if they hurt you this much you must have been exremly close freinds.
Why dont you ask them why did this...Peer presure, anger and letting it off the wrong way or what?

if you cant face to face talk to them, email or write a letter, you can release feelings without the embaressment, you can think long about what you want to say.

Surely if you were so close you can forgive them, brothers and sisters forgive each other. Surely you see these guys around, is it worth the awkwardness about your pride?

i cant say it well i hate words but

surely a freind no matter how close or distant is better then an enemy!

September 6, 2001
4:38 pm
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actress
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If you feel uncomfortable and not feel at ease, you should not see these people after all they had hurt you earlier. I am sure there are other people who will you will feel at ease with. It is okay to apologize but once when one steals, you will have to say in a nice way that you do not feel comfortable at present especially if another had made fun. This is what you call immaturity. Well hope that this idea works out for you.

September 6, 2001
6:24 pm
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Ladeska
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If it were me....I would probably forgive them eventually, but to me - forgiveness is more about letting go of anger and letting it out of my person, so that I don't sit and spin with it. It doesn't mean - that I allow them back in for another shot at it.

You grow, you learn, you change and so do they. You don't have to end up on the same road together. That's okay. They probably think you're back where you were before - maybe a little naive in some respects and think they can pull the wool over your eyes yet one more time. I'd say no to that one - when you're up it and then move on - mourning the loss but then again - thankful that you won't allow another injury for yourself from these people.

We hurt ourselves alot of times by trying to stand still in one spot with the same information, instead of allowing new info to come in and then to be computed as it really is by us.

They trespassed and you need to call it - just exactly as it is and not put yourself in harm's way again.

September 6, 2001
11:01 pm
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peter
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thanx y'all. im still not talking to them. i just can't do it and i wont. i can forgive them now but i want little or no contact with them. for pg lova my low self esteem is caused by being hurt alot growing up. my peers didnt accept me sometimes i wondered if my own father did and to make it worse i was molested in elementary school. to everyone your insite was helpful thanx. i just think i wont call them from here on out. they should get the message.

September 7, 2001
8:45 am
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pg lova
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Peter,

It's good that you are able to forgive them now, you don't want to go around holding hatred in your heart. But, as you stated don't have any contact with these people, they hurt you badly and for that they are not friends. After your telling me that you weren't accepted and you were molested when you were a child, I think the reason you have hosen these friends is just that. When you are abused, the people whom you choose to hang around tend to be people with characteristics similar to your abusers. These are the only people whom you feel will want you around them. Therefore, I'd say get some counseling, knowing this information. Someone there will be able to offer you some further advice.

Stay encouraged Peter,

PG Lova

PS We don't know what tommorrow holds, but we have a blessed assurance in knowing who controls tommorrow, and His name is Jesus.

GOD BLESS U

September 8, 2001
8:22 pm
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peter
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hi again. ive finally talked to them. i told them i dont trust them and no trust means no friendship. thanx yall

September 11, 2001
7:32 pm
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C-Bear
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September 30, 2010
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I'm new here so first hello Peter. I'll tell you like this those are some mean friends and with friends like that you don't need enemies! They are some idiots and where did you pick some creeps like that? Ill tell you what they better be glad that wasn't me I'd have told them a thing or two! What is "i'm sorry" two words. Do those two words atone for all the hundreds of mean ones they said? Does "i'm sorry" take back that they stole from you? I'm glad you forgave but now you gotta make sure you stick by your word and have no more contact with them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope all works out Pete be strong.

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