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The Consequences of Abandonning our Inner Child...
August 27, 2006
3:04 pm
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Rasputin
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In my own efforts to help others to become more healthy, whole and complete. I keep reflecting and asking myself questions on this whole process.

I know one of the great pitfalls of people who are in denial about their own need for healing, hlep and facing the truth is "self-abandonment" which results in so many consequences....such as....

Could you folks help me to name some of these consequences, here are some:

1- Having a mediocre life.
2- Becoming harsh on ourselves by not treating ourselves with love, dignity and respect.
3- Becoming unmotivated, lacking in enthusiam, visions and dreams.
4- Possibilty of having mental, emotional and physical illnesses.

Please add your own reflections and analysis to this list!

Thanks, Ras~

August 27, 2006
3:11 pm
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mj
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Abandoning the Inner Child

All children are born so innocent and pure.... then to get their needs met by unhealthy parents, caretakers, guardians.... a need for adapting to their individual environment... a need to fit in, belong.... the birth of a mask...a false mask, to cope with the unhealthy environment.

Consequences- Behavior that was learned which becomes second nature. No questioning of its use, just doing routinely.

August 27, 2006
4:53 pm
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CAMER
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to not take comments to heart, when kids used to make fun of my looks and laugh at me, I should have felt more worthy & know too that I am important.

August 27, 2006
6:07 pm
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trying2Bbetter
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This is a great topic.

I think one consequence of self-abandonment is being very vulnerable to "toxic" relationships with others. I think that if you haven't been able to be a good "parent" to yourself then you don't necessarily heed the "red flags" and "warning signals" that should go up that indicate "don't get involved with this person!"

August 27, 2006
6:39 pm
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SeeingStars
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Trying2better: Is like what you said:

I think one consequence of self-abandonment is being very vulnerable to "toxic" relationships with others.

But how do you know when its time to call it quits with a toxic relationship?

Especially when i think everyone has experiece a time where they can take blame for a situation in a relationship, and wants to give the person another chance because they've been there themselves.

I myself question why do i get so absorbed in others well-beinging when they have no care or concern about my needs or emotions.

Concequences:

*Getting involed with others goals and asssiting them with reaching their goals (but cannot seem to have dreams,goals, or to start\finish their dreams\goals)

*Involing yourself in negative sitautions: knowing the outcome may affect you negativly.

*Concerned with others standards, but does not set clear standards for ones self.

***- That ties into Rasputins : 2- Becoming harsh on ourselves by not treating ourselves with love, dignity and respect.

August 28, 2006
7:01 pm
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trying2Bbetter
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SeeingStars, Regarding your question

But how do you know when its time to call it quits with a toxic relationship?

I wish I knew! I have been a magnet over the years for people who have been toxic. Knowing when it is time to call it quits, for me, is when I realize that I consistently feel worse after being around the person, not better. Or when I continue to have a hollow feeling inside that says "I should feel better about being around this person, but I don't."

When I have started to feel this way I do try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. But if I have tried my best to express to them that I feel hurt, or that my needs aren't getting met, and my feelings still don't seem to matter to the other person, that's another sign.

sometimes for me to get out of the toxic relationship/friendship, it's taken a respected, well meaning friend to point out that I'm being used, I deserve better, etc. Even then, it doesn't guarantee I'll get out of the relationship.

However, I did recently end a four year friendship. It was with someone who had said and done some hurtful things towards me, and although I had told myself years before I didn't like the way she acted towards me, I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. The next time she did something hurtful I told her in no uncertain terms but she didn't seem to "get it" at all!

Well meaning friends told me I should get out of the friendship. It didn't happen right away, but finally one day I just decided I had to stop emailing her (our primary communication was email). She was confused and hurt and made several attempts to try to figure out why I cut off communication with her. I felt bad about cutting her off so suddenly, but I knew if I tried to explain why I was cutting off the friendship, she wouldn't understand and would continue to generate a lot of drama. I knew just doing absolute "no contact" was the only way to go.

Although I wish I could have gotten out of the friendship when I first started feeling hurt by her actions, I'm proud of myself for drawing my line in the sand and not giving in.

I think it is human nature to want to care about other people and to get absorbed in their well being. Sometimes it can be hard to tell when someone is just continually leaning on us for help. It goes back to being that "good parent" to our inner child.

t2Bb

August 28, 2006
7:16 pm
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revelation
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Wow Ras, how are you! this thread, gave me yet more information on the human psyche...thanks!

August 28, 2006
7:54 pm
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Rasputin
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Thanks folks for all your feedback and inputs.

Camer - I used to feel the same thing when I was a kid. Unfortunately, kids who grew up in an unaffectionate atmostphere tend to believe others when they accuse them of being...'ugly, big-headed, slow, whatever.' Too bad, life is not fair. But at least, now we learned to love ourselves and not believe these lies anymore.

Rev - I miss you babe! I haven't seen you for ages. I posted on your other lovely thread.

Here is another consequence I found about abandonning our inner child:

- These unhealthy people usually end up either with an unhealthy partner or alone.

August 29, 2006
5:38 am
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Rasputin
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"I think one consequence of self-abandonment is being very vulnerable to "toxic" relationships with others. I think that if you haven't been able to be a good "parent" to yourself then you don't necessarily heed the "red flags" and "warning signals" that should go up that indicate "don't get involved with this person!" "

T2bb - That is an 'Excellent' point you pointed out there. It really sums up this whole process and puts it in nutshell.

When we do not take the time to nurture, emotionally feed and love ourselves, we let others walk all over us, use us, abuse us... Gradually, we stop taking care of ourselves, lose our self-focus and live for that SO who is cold, needy unaffectionate, selfish, egocentric person. The more we care about them, the more they abuse and mistreat us.

As Dr. Phil has wisely said: "We teach others how to treat us."

If we had healthy high self-esteem; we would stand up for ourselves and say to him: "I am being used and abused by you, this is Unacceptable bahavior!" and walk away from that relationship. Period!

~Ras~

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