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The 'Conditioning' of giving ourselves.....
April 9, 2009
11:14 pm
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truthBtold
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....just, pretty much, a bad rap.

That we were not WORTHY of having a safe, loving life.

...and it's stuck - after all these many years - you know?

Gosh - I feel like such a big FOOL!!!!!!

My two older sisters pretty much figured all this crap out in their teens already!!!!

NOT ME!!!!

All this crap pretty much just flew right over my head!

So - here I sit, 48 years old, NOW just figuring out all this crap!!!!!

How could I have been so naive?

I swear to gosh, alot of folks think I am really intelligent.....but not really.

Years ago - I just didn't 'get it.'

Just too damned naive and loyal.

My older sister tried to drop hints to me about my parents......words like - controlling, manipulative, distance, boundaries,guilt etc.....to tell you the truth - it just flew right over my head.

Though....on some level - it did register - it has just taken my years/decades to finally come to terms with.

Am I DENSE??????????

NAIVE????????

I just can't believe that it has taken me THIS LONG to see it for what it was!!!!!!

Excessive loyalty - perhaps?

maybe.

I just can't believe that I am 48 years old and am just now figuring out crap that they already knew about in their teens!!!!!

Incredible.....really.

Such a HUGE, MASSIVE wake-up call!!!!!

I feel like such a freak!

(I shake my head in disguest - sp?)

What a fool.

What an absolute FOOL I have been!!!!!!!

shrug.

no more to say............

April 10, 2009
3:24 pm
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CAMER
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tbt...you are not a fool....sometimes it may just take longer to realize things than others, that doesn't make you a bad person.

do you think you may have been in "denial" in the past....heck i know I have been many of times.

I think the more you learn about YOU and your wants and needs, the better and stronger of a person you become.

((((camer))))

April 10, 2009
4:38 pm
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atalose
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tbt,

I agree with camer…..you are not a fool…….and yes it does take some of us longer then others to figure things out. You are not alone with learning things at a later age then others.

When we know better we do better!!!!!!!

(((tbt)))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 13, 2009
11:25 am
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truthBtold
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((((Thank you both))))

Your replies really helped me to feel better.

April 13, 2009
11:42 am
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CAMER
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(((anytime TBT, you are a wonderful person with alot of good qualities)))))

camer

April 15, 2009
5:51 pm
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truthBtold
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Awwww - thanks ((((Camer))))

I feel the same way about you too!

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