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the boy I love abuses me
January 2, 2002
1:12 pm
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antisocial_sociopath
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I need help desperately.
I am only young and I am seeing this boy, I really love him, we went out before but we broke up because he was adicted to heroin and hit me.
He was in rehab and has come out, he said he had changed and was off drugs. I believed him and we started going out, last week I noticed some changes in him and I am sure he is back on drugs. He also hit me yesterday again and I am so scared.
i should leave him but I love him so much and am scared what he will do if I leave him.
He wants me to start working in the club to get money, I dont want to but I want to help him.

Im so scared of him but I love him, what can I do?

January 2, 2002
2:37 pm
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artist 2
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You're under his spell. But you have a way out. Unfortunately, you may not see this until it's too late. Before you get hurt again, try really hard to create something else POSITIVE in your life to occupy your energy. Go to that positive place more and more, work your way away from the boy. He's not good for you. I'm sure a bunch of others who read these posts will tell you the same thing...

P.s. My ex-boyfriend hit me ONCE. Then he went to jail. He could have killed me, had it gotten more out of control. He's pretty big and strong. Don't let it happen to you! You're too good of a person!

January 2, 2002
3:17 pm
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lizzie
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Hi.
I know exactly how you are feeling.
I was also young when I was in your situation. Still am young 🙂

I loved my boyfriend, then one night he raped me and I still loved him after all of that but I knew I had to get out because something worse could happen.

Please do the right thing and get out of this relationship.
Lizzie

January 2, 2002
3:22 pm
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antisocial_sociopath
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Thanks for the replys.

I'm scared though, I love him, but I want to leave but I cant 1. because if I do he might take more drugs, and 2. I love him.

I have scratches on my sholders from where he's grabbed me and bruises on my wrists and a sore face.

He needs me to keep him from taking too many drugs.
I'm so lost!

January 2, 2002
4:13 pm
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Cici
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As someone who once used and abused many drugs, I can say from the standpoint of experience that your assumptions about your role in his life aren't on the mark. An addict can't use another person to help them stop using because they have to decide for themselves not to use. Period. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Secondly, drug abuse is no excuse for physical abuse. Drug use does not cause a person to be violent. Hell, I even hung out with some heroin users and they didn't seem to be inclined to do much more than look for drugs and lay around. The physical abuse isn't related to the drug abuse, though he may use lowered inhibitions as an excuse to indulge is violent tendencies.

All I can say is, get away from him. As soon as possible. A drug user can only quit when they decide to quit, no one else can tell them when to quit. It's sad but true. I had a lot of people who loved me try and show me what I was doing to myself and I simply didn't listen until I was a skeleton living out of my car. I had to hit rock bottom before I started to drag myself out, and I'm only 22. So, he HAS to fight this battle by himself. Otherwise he'll never win it.

January 2, 2002
5:37 pm
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Molly
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You can't stop him from anything. His relationship is with the drugs, not you. You are addicted to him, he is your drug, by focusing on him, your not taking responsibility for your personal well being. Your future with this person is easy to predict, sure your youth will say she doesn't know him, we are different, he loves me and I love him, yada yada yada, its a dis-ease. The sooner you pick your self up, get the heck out of there the sooner your own healing can begin. You need more help than he does, how you say, well your emotionally and physically being abused, your dependent on him, and addicted to a person who not only abuses you, but him self as well. You stay, you may end up going to jail and loosing everything due to drugs, drug possesion, non payment of a drug debt, prostitiution to pay his drug bills, or his bail, eventually will want to have a baby to help with his cure, then end up addicted to his drugs as your life will suck more than you ever imagined being addicted to this life. He most likely will abuse your children, and as far as his abuse of you, it will just increase, after all you put up with this you;ll put up with anything, then his friends will come over to crash, and you'll get to put up with their mess, abuse, risk, and oh yea, what about disease???? Hepititis C, has a real high ratio among IV drug users, oh he just snorts it you reply, well you can get it through blood in the nose too. Just make sure you keep pleanty of ex-lax they do get cranky with constipation, and pleanty of sugar, God knows heroin addicts love their sugar, and the mood swings, well could be the cut, or he is doing speed balls, gotta know the drugs to know the moods. Hide all your valuables, he is going to need money, feel safe and full of love .............. Honey if this is your dream, your not dreaming big enough. Don't look for sympathy with the future beatings, don't expect to get your teeth fixed, or replaced, don't expect to live in one place for a long time, don't expect financial security ever, don't expect much at all infact if you do get those kids don't expect to keep them long, social services makes house calls. Your going to get real ugly, fat most likely as well, depression does that, and forget your education, your employment stability, he will soon look for a new victim, till she runs out of money and looks, and starts with the nagging. Girls did I forget anything ????? This was intended to make you grab your purse, and get the hell out. There is nothing here which doesn't have the potential to be your life, unless you run and don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out.

January 2, 2002
7:06 pm
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katie 2
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Antisocial, please listen to Molly, she speaks the absolute truth. The only thing I might add is this....You need to figure out WHY you are choosing this type of man. Low self-esteem issues? Or perhaps repeating a pattern of abuse that you are familiar with, and as such find emotionally comfortable (no matter how physically uncomfortable). Whatever, you need to determine the reason you have settled for this kind of relationship and get help for it. Otherwise you will continue this pattern.....sure you may get rid of this particular loser, but you'll replace him with another. I'm betting this jerk is not the first boyfriend to mistreat you. I'm betting if your honest, you'll see a history of abusive males? Am I right? Good luck, Antisocial.

January 3, 2002
11:04 am
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antisocial_sociopath
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Thanks you guys,
I know you are all right and I should leave infact even more so now, last night I went to his house to try and sort it out and he ended up hitting me and pushing me to the floor over and over again.

He now thinks that I'm pregnant with his baby and he says that I WILL stay with him because I have his baby.
I told him that was silly and then I asked him if he was using drugs again and he grabbed me and threw me to the floor and made me apologise.
Then he said he was so sorry and that it was only because he loved me.

Katie, you are right, 6 months ago when I was 14 I was allmost raped by an ex boyfriend so I guess I have had an abusive past.

There wa 1 nice guy I went out with and in all honesty I still love him but he has a fiance now and still I cant forget him.

I've told my boyfriend that I will leave him if he hurts me again I just need the strength to do it.
I guess maybe I'm just scared.

January 3, 2002
11:28 am
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Molly
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Try to young to be involved period. By your statement 14 6 months ago, I get that you are only 15. Sorry darling don't know where your parents are, and this is a really strong statement, but you don't have a clue what you are playing with and where your life is headed. See even with my scenario, they will try to controll you with children, lock you in so to speak, and your languaged drama is exactly the picture that I was trying to create for you. There are pleanty of women in their 40's and 50's on this site that made some of the mistakes that you are currently making. We try to share our lessons that we learned the hard way to prevent girls, little girls like you from making.
Right now your focus should be on you, your future, your independence, your life, and when your grown up, say in another 10 years, you might have the skills, the maturity, the education, to make a choice of a mate, maybe. You need to look around, and see how others live, what they have, who they are as people, individuals, and choose an educational path, a trade, a skill, to help you get there. You should be doing charity work, still in girl scouts for crying out loud, I know that is a streach, but at least doing those things, will not lock you into a prison like life style. don't you want to be free, to dream, to become?
It will never ever happen on your current path. I strongly suggest that you get back into school, talk to a counselor and ask for help in recreating goals, and a future. For God's sake keep your knees together, your so very very too young to be in this game, to bring a life into this world with an abusive substance abuser, think please, and act it just might save your life.

January 3, 2002
5:37 pm
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katie 2
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ANTISOCIAL -------GO BACK AND READ THE RESPONSES TO THIS POST OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, UNTIL YOU FINALLY WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go home to mom and dad, or to grandma, or an aunt & uncle, even an abused women's shelter. But get away.

I can't possibly add anything that the others on this thread haven't already said. Good Luck, Antisocial.

January 4, 2002
6:02 am
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antisocial_sociopath
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I thought about what you all said and I know you are right.

I do live with my mum and dad but they dont kno.
So anyway I went over his house last night to tell him I couldnt put up with his abuse and that he didnt love me the only thing he loved was control and heroin.

I ended up on the floor, but it didnt hurt anymore because I've been through it so much.
That scared me that it didnt hurt, like I was used to it.
I took him hitting me then I left with him shouting after me that I would be back.
I just sat in the park crying until I went home to my mum.

Thanks for setting me free

January 4, 2002
8:10 am
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gypsygirl
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Why don't you press charges?

January 4, 2002
11:41 am
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Molly
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Remember his words, see he think he has you, under controll. You go back and your life is over. Why don't you sit down and talk to mom about it, talk to your counselor about it, and do some really radical thinking about what you want out of life. I know your pain is real, but your just a baby, trying to play an evil twisted concept of relationships. Thank God you made the right choice, now keep making right choices for you, when you get that ught oh, feeling honor it. find a good mentor, and listen to that person. Just say no to boys and dating for a while, get your head straight. Proud of you. What ever you do , do not contact him again, and if he does come around do call the police, and get serious. Its your life.

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