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The better part of my life
May 19, 2004
9:37 am
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why me 32
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I was on the phone last night with my best friend. I was explaining to her that I'm so nervous about the divorce becoming final, because I've spent the better part of my life with my husband. Her reply was, "That may be, but it's not the best part of your life. That is yet to come."

Wow. She sure knows what to say sometimes. Just thought I'd share. She gave me the boost I really needed. I've been so scared, angry, sad, anxious, you name it, I've felt it.

How many of you out there have been better off since divorcing your mate?

May 19, 2004
9:54 am
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lewis
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can't speak about myself, because i;ve never been married.

but family well there all divorced! & i think they all felt like you scared, but there still here and life still offers them some corners to turn :))

i hope you get everything you want in your 'best years to come'

May 19, 2004
11:52 am
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CAMER
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I too cannot speak of marriage/divorce, never been married, but alot of my friends have been divorced and now that are leading very healthy, calm lives and doing things they could never do b4 ....like enjoying life and not being unhappy in a bad relationship.
I think you will do fine!!!

May 19, 2004
1:19 pm
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angel1
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I can speak I have been divorced twice..The first tme was harder..you have to go through the emotional part in order to move on thats part of letting go of the past and moving on..Life takes us through what we are suppose to experience..with each divorce I have learned things about myself and I have grown...the best thing is that it didn't give up on love and believing its out there for me to find again....Angel1

May 19, 2004
2:02 pm
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wishes
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Whyme: Your friend is sure a smart one! I spent the better part of my life with ex - husbands. Yes, to my dismay - plural. But now I am alone, and it's so different. And it's so great! I get to spend time on me, doing whatever I want without the hassles. I wish I could say how much better things are now. Sure, life isn't perfect - but then what is? But the difference! It's like living in a dark hole for a really long time, and coming out into the light. First it's blinding but once you adjust you wonder how you ever lived in the dark.

May 19, 2004
4:26 pm
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why me 32
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Thanks guys. My lawyer called today and told me the court date has been set for May 28. So, I've spent the day crying. It's more than just losing him, it's losing everything that I believed in. Marriage, having a family, growing old together. He told me years ago he would never, ever hurt me again, and I keep hearing him say that in my head. I'm so deeply hurt, there just aren't words for it. This site is a God-send.

Again, thanks guys. I suppose that after it's final, I'll start to feel better little by little. For the past few months, I've been living in limbo, so to speak. The reality of it all is overwhelming right now.

All I can do right now is pray that none of my children will ever go through this.

May 20, 2004
10:27 am
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lewis
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just sending you a (((((hug))))
for the 28th

May 20, 2004
10:48 am
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Wanttobewell
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I'm like Angel1. I've been divorced twice also. The first definitely was harder in a way for me because I was so young and had those stars in my eyes, house, white picket fence, kids, you know the drill, "fairy tale" inspired,,that's how I thought life was going to be! HA! Didn't work out. I was married to that one for 8 yrs. He decided he wanted us to get involved in group sex, swapping, and I wasn't having any of it! A lyric from a song comes to mind with both of my previous marriages which is "I'll follow you down, but not that far." I took my 3-year-old daughter and moved into an apartment at 26 years old, my first place on my own. It was heaven for me after I got used to it. So I was better off. Unfortunately, it's so difficult for children, and they never really get over it. My parents were never divorced, so I really don't have a clue as to the pain the little ones have to deal with.

Then marriage #2 lasted 14 years. But he decided he liked crack cocaine more than anything else in the world. When I came home from work one day, my little girl was sitting on the counter where my microwave used to be. I knew that we either had to get out or would be homeless before too much longer. So, I was definitely better off with the second divorce also!!! But, my second child also had to deal with this awful pain. The guilt over my poor decisions for picking the wrong men as fathers will never leave me.

Now I'm married for the third time for five years. I'm 50 years old. I'm not divorced from this one yet but probably would be better off if I were. I'm just tired of divorces and intend to stick with this one. At least he works, and he's more of a friend to me than anything else. I'm happy for the most part and work on myself every day to be as happy as I possibly can.

Feeling anxious, scared, all the rest is only natural. Change is scary, no matter if the current situation is intolerable. The unknown is still very frightening. But your friend is so right!!! Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Do things YOU want to do. I promise you, you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner!!! We don't have much time on this planet, and it goes by so fast. You might as well decide to be happy and if you can't in the current situation, you have the power to change it and move on to a happy life that revolves around you and your kids (if you have any) for a change. You'll love it!!! W.

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