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the afghan sisterhood walk to recovery
November 4, 2006
3:41 pm
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ggfred4
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OMG need, I am so sorry...OMG, this is awful....hold me someone...this hurts...

November 4, 2006
3:41 pm
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needtoheal
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i can't cut myself -- just pulled out my hair for a while

November 4, 2006
3:42 pm
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lovinglife
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and yes Mich I caught that and was gonna make a comment...

November 4, 2006
3:45 pm
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lovinglife
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I am here for all three of you...

November 4, 2006
3:46 pm
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lovinglife
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where are you guys...???

November 4, 2006
3:46 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, i did cut myself since July, but not last Friday nite when I told you all my stuff...okay

need, i am so so sorry sister....sit with us on LL's couch...

November 4, 2006
3:47 pm
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lovinglife
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hello....please talk girls

November 4, 2006
3:49 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, I am ahead of you on this horrible thing...you have to stop it now...it gets worse, much worse, but not going there with you now...it will hurt you...please make yourself stop...i can give you the guilt trip or whatever to make you stop....

I need to talk about my mom, it is also on my mind, but I need mich to talk now

November 4, 2006
3:49 pm
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lovinglife
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I started to write something about "remember girls that when another shares it may trigger something within you...." I don't have an answer in how to handle that...maybe you three can discuss that...it got very quiet in here.

November 4, 2006
3:49 pm
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needtoheal
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MICH--

I want the inner child to die too

because of that inner child -- the child
that was not heard, held, or validated

is all screwed up now..

subjecting myself to emotional pain

and yet protecting my boys at the

same time

Only reason why I got out of the room

that night was because of the

flashback that I had ... the guy

with the broomstick reminded me

of my brother's friend who used to

fondle me....

and I flipped out on him and they

tried to keep me down,

ripped my clothes off

no shorts on

and when i got up

they did not know what

to do

so i went for the door

and guy was smoking

and i was burned......

TMI-- too much information??

sometimes not remembering is NOT good

because I did not remember for a long long time

November 4, 2006
3:52 pm
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ggfred4
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you are so right...the more talking the more "triggers" and "realizations" take place in my mind...but mich, I think these are good things so we can start healing,,,it has to be good, healing is going to be hard, not easy...and I now have to admit that I can't do it alone...not sure if anyone can...

November 4, 2006
3:52 pm
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lovinglife
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another question...do you girls find it benefical to talk about or is it just too painful?? It makes me hurt to think about any of you hurting...

November 4, 2006
3:52 pm
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needtoheal
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that is also why I am crying my

heart out because

i knew that

i was connected here

and i fought to be here

by popping in and i am

sorry for that too

but i can identify

with you girls

November 4, 2006
3:53 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, please...he hasn't left the store yet...I just got off of the phone with him...I want to talk, but I have to know that I am not alone...

November 4, 2006
3:54 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, hard for me to admit, but I know in my heart it is beneficial to talk...it has to be...I have been holding this in forever and need, my sister, I still don't remember everything, just started a few years ago...

LL, if I don't talk, it will get real dark for me...but it is just hard for me to get it out and trust..afraid people will leave me...

November 4, 2006
3:55 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, let me turn this question around...is it too hard for you to be hearing all of this? It hits pretty close to home (sexual abuse) since you still have NOT spit it out either. I know that you will when you are ready, I AM NOT PUSHING...but I am being serious...is this more than you can deal with right now?

November 4, 2006
3:56 pm
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needtoheal
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((GG))

((MICH))

((LL))

GG-- you are right... we can heal from all of this... we can and it helps to know that we are NOT ALONE

November 4, 2006
3:56 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, you have never been left alone here, i was here last night long after you were sleeping, worrying about my sister...

I ANSWERED THE FRICKEN ???

November 4, 2006
3:58 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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When was the last time gg?

November 4, 2006
3:58 pm
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ggfred4
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((((NEED))))))...thanks for sharing today...love you...

November 4, 2006
3:59 pm
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needtoheal
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I'm here too..

JUst cannot figure out

why i have to keep

scrolling

tried to just hit refresh key

i am so stupid

November 4, 2006
3:59 pm
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ggfred4
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don't remember the exact day mich..

November 4, 2006
3:59 pm
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lovinglife
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I wonder girls if you three should maybe set a time aside you are able to be prepared for any strong emotions that came up and know that you don't have to leave the computer.

This is very, what is the word, very....special that you three have connected and if you all feel it would help you within to talk about it...I don't know if it would be better to find a time when you all know that you will be avaiable. The worst thing is to start feeling stuff and have to stop because of somehting going on aroudn you at home- or if another has to leave.... just some thoughts.

November 4, 2006
4:00 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, when mich gets bossy with me, aren't you supposed to step in, big sis???

November 4, 2006
4:01 pm
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ggfred4
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LL, you are right...one of my fears is that i will finally get the courage to start talking and then everyone will have to leave...maybe we can set up serious meeting times, just a thought...

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