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the afghan sisterhood walk to recovery
November 4, 2006
2:00 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, i wish i had the magic answer,,this is why I wish you would have told me or that I would have listened better...I have been there...just remember right now how bad you are feeling today, remember how much it hurts, because it does, and keep looking at it, and look at those beautiful children, and know in your heart that you made a mistake and commit to not making it again...

I promise you this mich, I did it off an on during March and it got worse, and I don't want to tell you anything more, because I don't want to put any ideas in your head...BUT it does become addicting,,,,do you hear me, addicting,,,,I am still fighting it....I hate it mich, and it makes me hate myself more....

Please listen to me mich, please, please read and reread everything...I love you...I don't want you to hurt yourself...It hurts me when you do and it hurts me more because I know that pain and the what you are feeling when you commit to do the act...

November 4, 2006
2:04 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Why is it that NO matter how stupid I feel that i still want to turn around and do it again today...WHY? I felt better for a few minutes..Yes, it hurt like hell. I know where this all came from....and I think it is making sense to me..

Jay and I watched a show on it the other night....He told me he would leave me...and that matters so little to me that I do it anyways? He said he couldn't stand to watch me do that to myself...

November 4, 2006
2:12 pm
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ggfred4
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my husband would probably have me committed if he knew; i lied, told him i tore my arm up on some rose bushes; we don't even have any, gosh, he believes anything I say....

did you read what I said , my advice...mich,,,,you can't do it again, if you think you are, you had better call Jim...If you lived within 3 hours of me...I would quit this site and go for you;;;that is how bad I don't want you to do it...

Oh, please put some neosporin on your cuts okay..I am looking at my scars now, mich, and I am crying for both of us...I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HELP YOU, IF I CAN'T HELP MYSELF...

November 4, 2006
2:14 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am sorry to talk about this, I am sorry that I hurt you, we don't have to talk about it anymore...I love you gg, I do. Please believe me...PLEASE

November 4, 2006
2:19 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, I do believe you love me, because I feel that way about you...don't apologize, because this is good for both of us, we both need to talk about it, I just think we both need advice on this; maybe our big sister if she would wake up...damn, I wish I could sleep like her..

November 4, 2006
2:20 pm
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ggfred4
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MICH, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS NOW!!!

November 4, 2006
2:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I don't know what to say anymore gg, I am hurting and it is taking all that i have in me...I just emailed Jim...I am SO confused, and scared..

November 4, 2006
2:24 pm
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ggfred4
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good, mich, so glad you did that...
i understand if you don't want to talk...but, i don't want you shutting down either...please tell me you read everything i have written in the last 12 hours about cutting...

November 4, 2006
2:26 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I think you have done it since you have wanted to admit it...I have read it all. I hate this gg. I do...I don't know how to make myself not want to hurt ME. I deserve all the pain that it caused...I wished it had been deeper, I feel so sick...it isn't that I don't want to talk about it, I am just scared. Scared to talk, and afraid of hurting you, and afraid of saying too much

November 4, 2006
2:28 pm
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ggfred4
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you can't hurt me mich, I know how you feel, just hate that you have to feel that same pain...why are you scared to talk? why are you afraid of saying to much? I am not leaving you, I will love you...what if I would have said that a week ago...

November 4, 2006
2:31 pm
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ggfred4
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hey, the last post, clarify something..."I think you have done it sinc you have wanted to admit it"...what do you mean?

November 4, 2006
2:32 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I would believe you...I know you were hurting gg. I know that in my heart..and I fear things like I brought that on. I am scared to talk because I am scared of my feelings..I am afraid of saying too much because I don't want to hurt anyone...I don't want to sound any more stupid than I already do. I didn't tell Jim that I had done it, just asked how you stop yourself from wanting to

November 4, 2006
2:33 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Just that I don't believe that it has been that long since you have done it. i think it has happened since we started all these sister threads...Which has really been about 2 weeks. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you told me it happened a week ago...I am sorry that you are hurting gg, I truly am...

November 4, 2006
2:35 pm
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lovinglife
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U 2 here? aaahhhh someone didn't wake me up...

November 4, 2006
2:37 pm
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ggfred4
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almost sang you that song, LL, we both need help in a bad way

November 4, 2006
2:37 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am here and so is gg, I think Jen took off.

November 4, 2006
2:38 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, you can't hurt us, so get that thought out of your mind, okay, please

November 4, 2006
2:40 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, am I right?

November 4, 2006
2:42 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, mich, listen, you always care and want me to talk and share, but yet, I can't get you too...this has got to get more equal sis....

Yes, I have done this since March, did it several times in July...

November 4, 2006
2:43 pm
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lovinglife
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ok I read up while you two got back in here...

November 4, 2006
2:43 pm
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ggfred4
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mich,,,right now this is about you...okay...

November 4, 2006
2:44 pm
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lovinglife
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and oh btw..tonight is my last night shift til next thursday so that means i shouldn't doze off in the middle of the afternoon.

November 4, 2006
2:45 pm
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lovinglife
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girls where are we at here??

November 4, 2006
2:46 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Gg, this is about us if you are still doing it...AND did you do it last week?

November 4, 2006
2:47 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, I am sorry about all of this..I am here, and you can say whatever is on yuor mind no matter what it is...even if it is the truth of how stupid I truly sound..

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