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the afghan sisterhood walk to recovery
November 4, 2006
12:13 pm
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lovinglife
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Ok, if this sounds really off the wall its' because as I'm writing my brain is starting to shut down...after I post this I'm going to lay down for a short cat nap... and will be back on in about an hour. I might be late, but reassure Mich that I will be there.

Ok, this is what I was writing...

GG don't do that to yourself...feeling desperate. You must know and realize within your full being that you are worth it. Have you ever started a thread asking for support or just venting about an issue? Not trying to suggest doing this (and another thing gf, you really need to start doing what GG feels is right...there has been a couple of times that even though you don't agree with something -like last weekend when I suggested walking away from the computer- you knew that was not what you needed but yet you were going to do it because...Why? Because you think that LL might know what is best for you?? Please- when thoughts like that go through your mind (thinking that someone else knows what is best for you) you do what you know is best for GG. You take care of you.

And I am with you on thinking about holding back because I don't others to take things the wrong way or to blame themselves when I share my feelings/thoughts on a matter/topic. Many, many, many times I'll start typing then delete the whole thing because of that very reason or thinking that what I would to share might sound stupid. Now I have seen many times over on the website where people take things the wrong way, mis interrupt what another said and boy defensives come out or the other case- the person shuts downs. GG I don't know if you noticed like myself but there are a few of us with those insecurties issues-...gosh there is so many ways I can go with this convo...just thinking about how sometimes we post something and then sit there wishing that we could take it back because we think in our heads that it was stupid or whatever.. And that is something I had to get over as I went through that many times myself and how nerve wrecking!

Ok what is the moral of my ramblings here...We need to take care of ourselves, and quit the doubting of ourselves too.

Alright the prick just got my attention- ... gosh darn it. GG I hope something in here made sense...I'll be back in a bit. Wished that my thoughts could just come out instead of floating around in my head... : ) because there is more I want to say and not sure if I said much of anything...

Chat with you soon. Just remember that it's time now to take care of GG. And while GG is taken care of herself, she is also helping others along the way to take care of their selves too- how we learn from each.

Ok I'll stop while I am ahead here- need to lay down...

November 4, 2006
12:20 pm
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needtoheal
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that LL is the problem that I am having

Taking care of ME -- I can take care of the kids but I am having a problem with ME---

I think that only way to do that Is NO CONTACT at all with HIM--

I am so tired of the games, the dance..

He told me that I am too emotionally draining and that he does not want any type of relationship with me at all right now

so my answer is that I am gone---

I deserve better

and I have to stop feeling so damn sad
because he was abusive to me

November 4, 2006
12:26 pm
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white dove
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scared

Ive not read all the posts, but i feel my selfish post has caused this and im sorry.

time to back off and not post im so sorry

November 4, 2006
12:28 pm
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lovinglife
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and yes Need you have that totally right..."I think that only way to do that Is NO CONTACT at all with HIM--" regarding taking care of you. By you staying in any type of contact with him is doing absolutely nothing...but holding you back from taking care of you.

I can bet not many people on this website ever took care of themselves before arriving here. More than likely its why we got here in the first place : )

Time to start taking care of us!!

November 4, 2006
12:41 pm
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needtoheal
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LL--

He used to smoke marijuana when I met him -- for 10 years-- and after he met me he quit--- but did not go into any recovery program at all...

He is verbally and emotionally abusive to me...

did you read the thread that I spilled my guts about my past--no contact?

I went to an Al-Anon meeting..

I just was clinging and holding on .. and I want to let go..

November 4, 2006
12:45 pm
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needtoheal
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HALT= hungry, angry, lonely, tired

and when I am bored...

November 4, 2006
1:00 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am back girls...AND white dove....this has NOTHING to do with your post...PERIOD. Please do not blame yourself...and PLEASE do NOT quit posting...you need help too, don't leave. You will be giving up your chance for help here. There are a lot of people here that you can help, and that can help you...

Cyn, I love you, and I am glad you posted to me today....I am still so sorry for the last two nights actually...I don't deserve you...

LL, I am going crazy, and afraid that I am taking you with me....

GG, I love you, and you are my sunshine...

Need,

I love you too honey..

November 4, 2006
1:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL,

"Now the real biggie in your letter which I think I am going to save for another posting of its own, is your mother. I’ll get this posted before I lose it or the ex walks in and distracts me."

That is why I thought it would come up...But, I don't even know what to say anyways...what is her problem and even more so, what is my problem?

November 4, 2006
1:09 pm
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ggfred4
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white dove, you made me feel good about your post; when you do bad things to yourself; you don't want others to know...sounds sick to say, but I don't feel so alone in this now and it may help me feel free to ask for help when the urge hits...

LL, I just don't know where to begin...I am going around in circles or up and down....need to start improving...you made some very valid points...I think we need a group meeting...state a mission...maybe even make some boundaries(learning about that in coda meetings)...We can NOT continue to have misunderstandings which is so easy to do when we are all in these fragile states...WE NEED EACH OTHER...WE LOVE EACH OTHER...Let's get this sisterhood together...an online reunion at one time perhaps...don't know????

need, think there are paltalk meetings on afternoons and nights on Sun.

November 4, 2006
1:23 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, thought we were meeting back at this time, or we just going to leave messages, need to know....

need, what did you mean...and when I am bored,

November 4, 2006
1:32 pm
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Just popping in here to apologize for my little outburst last night. I had a few beers and was just feeling a little emotional, which is not an excuse, but just how it was.

I just want you to know that we are all fortunate to have each other, and I just hate to see these misunderstandings take place. Obviously, I made that point last night in another tone, and I'm sorry for that, if I offended anyone with the way I came off.

You all are good people who are here to love and support each other, and that is what truly matters. So hold onto that and cherish it.

As for me, I'm ready to start another one of my adventure threads. And guess where the trip is going to be this time? YEP, the FUNNYFARM!! Can you even imagine the fun we could have THERE?! LOL! Oh but hey, I hear the service is great there! Private rooms, food, drugs, (not the bad kind of drugs) and NO VISITORS! LOL! Just a thought.

Anyway, you all try and have a good day and I'll check in later on today. Love to all...

Jen

November 4, 2006
1:34 pm
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ggfred4
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Jen, you cracked me up last night and were very necessary to this thread in the way of support...so glad you did...

the funny farm...i am committed...LOL

November 4, 2006
1:38 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, where are you, been here for 40 minutes, and been sitting way too much lately...

November 4, 2006
1:38 pm
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Jenni
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Me too, GG! (committed, that is!) (((GG)))

November 4, 2006
1:39 pm
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ggfred4
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Iknew you would find something for that horse to attend!!! LOL,,,jen, you or LL, are going to have to get me up on that horse...

November 4, 2006
1:40 pm
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ggfred4
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and hey jen, no outhouses okay, indoor plumbing!!!

November 4, 2006
1:41 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I posted several times at 1:00

November 4, 2006
1:43 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Jenni,

I took NO offense to ANYTHING you said last night..NONE...I love you, and I am starting to get pretty comfy with you as well, and to be quite frank...I kinds like ya....:)

I just am sorry for adding to your stress last night, that's all...

November 4, 2006
1:43 pm
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ggfred4
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okay, mich, don't fuss...how are you right now...I know you need to talk to LL and she took a nap, but she promised to be back...did you feel me hugging you last night???

November 4, 2006
1:47 pm
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Jenni
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You didn't add to my stress at all, Mich. I live in a house with teenage girls, remember? LOL! And I have twins, too! So I guess that was just the "Mother" coming out in me last night! LOL!

And you know what? I kind of like you, too! 😉

And GG, there won't be any outhouses! My horse just doesn't fit in those things. I know this, because we've tried several times, and well...it just wasn't pretty! So no worries. We'll all be taken well care of!

November 4, 2006
1:48 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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yes gg, but please tell me that you still are...cause I am having some MAJOR issues right now...I got my husband and my three year old out of the house for a couple of hours so that I can talk to you guys,

November 4, 2006
1:49 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I could use a good trip to the funny farm....is there a rubber room there? I need one with NO sharp objects...cause no matter hpw stupid I feel about last night, I still want to do it again....

November 4, 2006
1:50 pm
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ggfred4
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i am here, just have my kids making lots of noise and in and out...they will be out of here at 3p.m. cst until after 10 tonight and that is a long time for me to be here alone...gosh, i hope someone is around...

I am here,talk whenever you are ready sweetie

November 4, 2006
1:52 pm
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ggfred4
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well, then mich, I will have to be in the room with you...but I want to be outdoors, so we are going to have jen and LL hide the sharp objects okay??? We are going to keep need near us too. Cyndra, are you ready for the funny farm?

November 4, 2006
1:55 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am scared of the way that I am feeling gg, how do you get this to go away?

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