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the afghan sisterhood walk to recovery
November 4, 2006
9:25 am
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ggfred4
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November 4, 2006
9:50 am
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ggfred4
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good morning everyone, I will not complain today, okay, maybe a little, okay, yes, still damn sick and waiting for these f**** expensive drugs to work...yesterday was yesterday...

Mich, don't worry what I think okay,,,I hope you read everything I shared about myself and cutting okay...That was hard to do in public here, but I did it for you, because I love you...please read it even though I closed the thread...

LL,so glad you are here today...It is cold here in the 40's...I need to snuggle and my hubby want even get near me when I am sick...can I sit next to you while you drink your coffee and lay my weary,sick head on your shoulder while you type??? please, the thought makes me feel better...

Mich, if you come back and chat with us...LL, may let us lay our heads on her shoulder...okay LL??? i know i need my big sister...

November 4, 2006
9:56 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg,

Did you read my post to mama on the other thread...

November 4, 2006
10:00 am
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ggfred4
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no, but i will go find it

November 4, 2006
10:01 am
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ggfred4
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sorry, yes, I had read it, talk to me

November 4, 2006
10:02 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg-

I am so sorry...I love you guys so Much...I am so afraid of losing you guys after last night...SO AFRAID..

November 4, 2006
10:06 am
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ggfred4
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I do understand how you feel there; felt the exact way a week ago after I shared my story...and similar last night when I wrote in detail about the cutting...thought i would disgust some here...

Mich, there is nothing you can do that will make you leave; I love you for you!

November 4, 2006
10:08 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I just have a sick feeling in my stomach....I can't believe I did that, and MORE THAN ONCE. I admit, I feel like I deserved the pain it caused....But, I don't know gg, I am so scared and so confused

November 4, 2006
10:10 am
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ggfred4
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but mich, i think you should tell me more, like you wanted me to do last week..it helps us understand, close the gaps...remember...I went back and made sure that you knew what he did to me...sorry, still can't type the word...so, i would like you to tell me what exactly you did...I then will need to confess something to my dear sisters because i too need help...

November 4, 2006
10:12 am
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1lost1
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((((Scared))))

((((gg))))

In my thoughts...

1L1

November 4, 2006
10:13 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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on my arms with a steak knife...I am gonna throw up...

November 4, 2006
10:18 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I wanted to focus my pain somewhere else. I knew if I did that then I couldn't think of the other pain...It hurt like hell, and I feel stupid...I can't even keep talking about it this second...

November 4, 2006
10:18 am
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ggfred4
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no, mich, stay here, on the inside of your arms? I did it with scissors, down the right, inner side...Listen to me sister and listen now, do you see how you are feeling, it always feels this way afterwards and then shame...Sorry, not being mean, I am so trying to help you my mich, I love you....When we are about to do it, we don't know the after feelings, because we can't think straight...

mich, why didn't you reach out to me last night? when this was going on? please tell me...

November 4, 2006
10:22 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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It just got worse, when I felt like I had turned Cyn away...I was content talking to her, I truly was...I just wanted to be held...That's all..Then I couldn't make the pain stop...I couldn't handle it anymore. I was so hurting and I just made it worse..I was just such a mess. I want this pain to stop, I can't live like this. Then I lied to Jim..WHY? He called here and I was talking to him on the phone, and I still managed to make him think that everything was ok. The one sopt on my arm is very near my wrist...

November 4, 2006
10:25 am
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ggfred4
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answer me mich, why did you run away from me last night? i need to know..

November 4, 2006
10:26 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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What I told LL in libs the other day is killing me. I can't let it go...I WANT MY MOM. WHY did she hurt me? What did I do so wrong? I can't let this go...Then the stuff with my daughter..I am at the end of my rope gg. I truly am

November 4, 2006
10:28 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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gg, I was so scared, and I just wanted the pain to stop..Talking about it was making it worse, and sending people away..I came to this site looking for help and I have gotten worse...

November 4, 2006
10:30 am
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lovinglife
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ok girls...I'm slowly getting here- that damn fricken ex...geesh...trying to get my little list done so I can be here- and he as always never shuts the f*ck up.

Now I am going to read Mich what you have been writing...and I just have this feeling that the ex needs me to drive his ass around this a.m to do a few errands. Ya know girls perhaps having you guys in my life will open my eyes even more to what this man has taken for me. Because he is here in my home, taken my time up because of HIS NEEDS, I can't even be a friend to those I care about like I want to and could. When will I get my head out of my ass?? I'll be back.

November 4, 2006
10:35 am
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lovinglife
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Now I hope that I didn't stop the flow here...

November 4, 2006
10:36 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am just waiting and watching...

November 4, 2006
10:36 am
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lovinglife
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question- where do you girls want me right now??? I should have read before I posted-

November 4, 2006
10:37 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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IN my arms...

November 4, 2006
10:37 am
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ggfred4
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mich, but it only is at temporary release isn't it???Look how you feel today...Now think mich, if the roles were reversed, and I did the same to you last night, while you were sitting here at the site, how would you feel right now? BE HONEST I am not judging you, I am trying to help you hear, but probably don't have the ability to do this, but i am trying

November 4, 2006
10:38 am
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ggfred4
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LL, please read first, I want to lay on your shoulder and I desperately need my big sis's help now

November 4, 2006
10:38 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am SO sorry...Please forgive me.

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