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The act of letting Go
June 23, 2008
6:55 pm
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Giggles_29
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Well, I finally have completely let go of my xbf. It was never me hanging on in all honesty, I think he just couldn't let go. I am supposed to just sit and wait while he does his thing. I am just supposed to be ok with him leaving at 9am, and coming home at 4am, sometimes later. How dare I say anything! Well, I put an end to it. He has moved out this weekend and I cannot even tell you how nice it is to not have to worry about him, where he is, who he is with, what he is doing. The truth of the matter is, this time around I never worried about it. That was a HUGE thing for me. I just told him how I felt, how it affected our daughter, and that was that. End of story. You will not do this to her and I will not live through it again! No tears this time. No feeling any regret this time. No constant cycle this time. I did what I told him I would do, I gave it my ALL one last time. This time around I did nothing (and he admitted it too) to make him not trust me. It's really quite sad. He had come sooooo far, and just took like 1,000 steps back. He stopped his meetings, his counseling, and started hanging out with people he used to use with. I was having NO part of it. He used the excuse, but they are clean and sober now. I would keep telling him, it doesn't matter, you are not supposed to be around your triggers. Oh and one of his "friends" that was clean and sober just got sentenced to 18mos in prison. Sooooo, I just hope that he hasn't actually picked up the drug. I know he is still being tested randomly. So, I saw the red flags this time and paid much attention. I didn't wait for him to start rambling his excuses, I just put an end to it. I really hope that we can be friends and that we can just both work together in terms of our daughter and her best interest. I really hope he can put her first for once, instead of himself. I know I cannot control him, and I didn't even try this time. I just simply saw the signs and let go immediately. So, for anyone who is struggling right now and stuck in a cycle, it can be broken. You can come out of it and you will !! I was with my xbf since 1994. It's just so different this time. I have so many things to be thankful for...this site, the people and the support I get from it, and coda. I haven't been going recently, but feel I am strong enough in my boundaries and comfortable enough in my own skin, I have complete trust in myself to not get sucked back in! It is quite empowering and humbling all at the same time. I read my old threads and think WOW, that was only like 2-3 yrs ago, and look where I am now and all that I have accomplished. It truly is amazing. I hope this can inspire those still struggling. Please NEVER give up hope!!! No matter how bad it seems,tomorrow is a new day. A new chance. 🙂 @--]---------

June 23, 2008
7:05 pm
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Celtic1
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CONGRATUALTIONS GIGGLES !!!!! ;0)

You are where I and so many others of us want to be.

THANKS

June 23, 2008
7:06 pm
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Celtic1
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CONGRATULATIONS GIGGLES !!!!!

YOU SOUND SO EMPOWERED!!!! ;0)

Celtic

June 23, 2008
7:06 pm
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Giggles_29
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(((Celtic1))), You will be there I promise you!!!! 🙂 @--]-------

June 23, 2008
7:40 pm
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_anonymous
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Giggles- That was huge. Please dont hesitate to let us know how you work through it and come here for support.

I have been posting for almost a year. And finally mine is gone. I had to break the cycle and stand up for myself and quit letting him suck me back as well. For me its hard. I loved him and he loved me but the situation was destructive. I had grown so use to the dysfunction that I am far from myself and have to find my way back to normalacy. Fortunatly I have my mother and some other friends that are helping me.

June 23, 2008
11:27 pm
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freedom_calling
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That's great to hear! Congrats. Keep posting......I need the inspiration. I have been trying NO CONTACT on and off since February. Is there a final straw? Or is it good ole fashioned discipline?
Thanks for sharing.

June 24, 2008
4:33 pm
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Giggles_29
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Freedom, I believe you just have to hit your "enough is enough" point, and everyone's level of what is enough is so different. What works for one won't necessarily work for everyone. You just have to be truly ready to make change, walk the walk not just talk the talk.
I will keep posting. Thanks for reading everyone!

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