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The "Absolutely No Contact" Club
July 11, 2005
1:40 pm
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2bstrong
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Welcome all who want to take "No contact" to a higher level. Even those who are new to no contact are welcome here!

This is day one for all of us to shatter previous records, and to remember that no contact is healthier for us!

July 11, 2005
2:42 pm
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turnabout
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LOL -- I think it's funny that we need to take the no contact club a step further. I knew I didn't have the conviction to join the no contact club, but this time I'm ready! Absolutely no contact for me! J___, eat my dust! Hah!

July 11, 2005
2:50 pm
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frayedknot
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Count me in 2B. We can have awards (like shool attendance or length of service). I'm proud to be 5 weeks and counting.. My last contact.... June 4..

Frayed

July 11, 2005
2:50 pm
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2bstrong
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Thanks turnabout! I thought I was going to be here alone!

"My name is 2B, and I will not contact. P__, eat my dust! Hah!

July 11, 2005
2:54 pm
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hoping_2_feel_again
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Count me in!

My name is hoping2feelagain and it has been since June 16---no contact.

July 11, 2005
3:08 pm
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2bstrong
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Yeah, Frayed. The first will be the Bronze Star.

I think my last e-mail was June 7.

Welcome hoping2feelagain. Good for you!

July 11, 2005
3:43 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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After reading Rev's post - I have renewed commitment. It's only been 3 days....but count me in 🙂

July 11, 2005
4:04 pm
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2bstrong
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Hurts! So glad to have you here! Just remember--safety in numbers. We're all in this together.

I'm so proud of you, Hurts_so_bad! You'll need to change your name to Feel_so_good!

2b

July 12, 2005
7:21 am
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kc30
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Hey 2b
Just catching up (or trying to)....what happened? I'm thinking something occurred to prompt this new no contact club--which I like by the way!! But I can't join cuz I have to have contact due to kiddies
🙁

Whassup girl? How you doing?

kc

July 12, 2005
9:09 am
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willitgetbetter
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Sorry gang, not ready to join yet. But just want to wish you all the best is your quests. i will be keeing an eye on thread and hopefully, very soon, will be able to call myself a fully paid up member! Just need to be a bit stronger first because when i join the club again, it will be for keeps.

July 12, 2005
9:09 am
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2bstrong
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kc, love! Welcome back. I missed your undiluted energy, although--there were many good posts here in the past couple of weeks. : )

How are you and baby? You must be about a month away, am I correct? Was your holiday ok?

Nothing has happened at all for me for contact--although I think about contacting him all of the time. I can't stop thinking about it as a matter of fact. I feel hopeless. Frayed and I both had a teary weekend, and I know Hurts needs a rally around her to resist the urge.

Some days I think--this is ridiculous. I am just going to call him and say hi. No excuse contacting, just to chat. But everyone tells me not to do it. Soooo, I haven't. Sorry kc--same old story here.

So this is the no contact club on steroids. Muscle enhancers. This is where you come if you really need support! --2b

July 12, 2005
9:55 am
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turnabout
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Morning 2b and gang!

Hey, 2b, just to chat is an excuse, too. LOL -- I know 'cause I used it a couple of times. The first time was a phone call after a few drinks, so my 'courage' was up. He was weirdly distant and untalkative, even considering our last bad encounter. I got the distinct impression from the way he finally said he had to go that she was there, and my phone call had interrupted an intimate moment. Although I knew about their relationship, having it "thrown in my face" like that made me livid, and I reacted "crazily" by sending him a couple of hateful e-mails. But I can't blame him for throwing it in my face. I was the one who called.

For the record, while that is my most dramatic example, I've never had an attempt to contact him "just to chat" turn out well for me. It seems even that noncommittal, nonthreatening effort is too much for the moron. So that's why we tell you not to contact him. No matter how convinced you are that you want very little out of the encounter, it's about 10 times more that he will want to give.

July 12, 2005
10:32 am
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Hurts_so_bad
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Hi guys....I'm starting off on Day 4 and I am so stressed. My neck hurts, I can hardly manage to look over my shoulder without pain shooting down my neck and arm. I think this time the emotional trauma I'm going through is affecting me physically too. This rollercoaster ride has cost me plenty.

Last nite I made a total pig out of myself, chocolate and more chocolate. Can't believe I did that, but it felt good at the time. I have to try harder today to control my urge to eat my sorrows away.

I have to be honest, I'm very sad and I miss that jerk. I'm feeling hurt that he hasn't written (although I know it's for the best)and I'm spending way too much time romanticizing our relationship. But, through it all, I am determined not to make contact...I just wish the pain would go away and I could stop feeling so foolish for chasing after him for so long 🙁

July 12, 2005
10:46 am
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frayedknot
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HSB

It will get better... Just hang in there. It's ok to indulge now and again.. Go for a walk or something also..

I can substitute the gender differences and write your same final paragraph.. Time, work on ourselves, and a new romantic interest will heal our wounds.. The feelings don't go away. The strength of the feelings and the physical effects do (for me anyway). Hang in there...

Frayed

July 12, 2005
12:55 pm
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starshine
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Hi All,

Starshine climbing aboard. Day four for me. I think if I commit to this that when he calls I will have the strength and support of soo many people that I won't answer. I will hear all your words bouncing around inside my skull, and I know there is safety in numbers! Thanks for starting the new thread 2bstrong!!

(((Hugs)))
Starshine

July 12, 2005
1:05 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Hi guys....need a good talking to right away.

He just wrote me an email apologizing for not writing sooner. He was in Canada for a few days. His son-in-law beat up his daughter and she ended up in the hospital. He went to help relocate her and her kids to her sisters.

Help me NOT to write back!

July 12, 2005
1:06 pm
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2bstrong
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Thanks for the encouragement, turnabout. You are so right--what if there is someone with him? Yikes.

Best to not know. What we don't know can't kill us.

Welcome starshine. I know you're having a rough day, but find comfort with all of us. I can sleep almost through the night now since I've stopped attempting to contact him.

2b

July 12, 2005
1:20 pm
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starshine
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2bstrong,
I take so much comfort from here that it amazes me. I am so grateful to have found all of you. I didn't think anyone could understand what I'm going through until I found this site. It's such a good feeling to find others that know your pain and don't try to dismiss it. I must say, your story stands out for me because of the way it ended, and every time I see you post, I wonder how anyone could have done that to you. Your strength with the "no-contact" amazes me, and offers me inspiration.

Much Love,
Starshine

July 12, 2005
1:20 pm
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frayedknot
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HSB..

I have thought about what I would do if I got an email similar to yours. My ex' mother is very sick.. what would I say if she wrote me to tell me she passed away, etc? Here's what I have thought about doing:

Sorry about your mother passsing.... she was always very good to me..

In your case, I'm not sure of your relationship with the daughter, etc. His email doesn't REQUIRE a respone. If you can ignore it... do that.. Beware, he will probably write again if you don't respond. He will probably try to make you sound evil for not responding or he will be mad in his next email..

Frayed

July 12, 2005
1:28 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Thanks Frayed.

I met his daughter and her family once (actually I spent 2 days with her) when I went to Canada for Christmas.

I feel bad for her, maybe I should send him an email from me to HER and ask him to forward for me?

I'm just not sure what to do.

July 12, 2005
1:33 pm
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2bstrong
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Don't send anything, hurts. It's another way of staying connected. I don't mean to sound bossy or mean--please don't think that.

Just let it go.

And if it makes you feel any better, I had chocolate and nuts for dinner last night. You are not alone.

July 12, 2005
1:36 pm
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kc30
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hurts
If you don't know what to do, then don't do anything.

Why should he have written you sooner? Are you guys back together? Has he decided that he does want to have a committed relationship with you? Did he write to ask you a question...did he ask for a response?

That's very bad for his daughter...I'm glad that he is there to help her. But that's his life and her life, not your life. You exist independantly of them- you guys aren't together, remember? There is nothing you "should" or "shouldn't" do. If nothing comes naturally, then it's probably not natural to respond to him.

kc

July 12, 2005
1:37 pm
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kathygy
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Congratulations to everyone in this thread for caring enough about yourself and gathering your courage for no contact. I just want to give everyone here my full support. It will get better and you will feel stronger.

hurts,
I would write him back and tell him not to contact me again and if he does I will not respond and mean it. I would not respond to anything he said in his email. I think you need to set this boundary on him or you will continue to hear from him when he's in the mood and it'll be harder to let go and move on.

Good luck to all!

love,
Kathy

July 12, 2005
1:45 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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I agree -- it's not my life. When I hear about spousal abuse it just sets me off. I work in law enforcement and of course, I hear stories all the time. I'll just let it go.

No contact it is. Thanks for the responses. I knew I could count on you guys to set me straight 🙂

July 12, 2005
4:54 pm
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2bstrong
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Thanks for the support kathy. We can always count on you for a healthy attitude. I am very grateful.
((((kathy))))

Well, made it through the business day, no contact. Starting week seven tomorrow. Good luck everyone. I will be thinking of all of you.--2b

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