Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
THANKS FOR LISTENING, OR SHALL I SAY READING :)
February 3, 2007
8:39 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Relief, relief is one of the feelings that I have felt this past week. Relief that I no longer have to be invloved in my ex's drama. And there was plenty of it, drama with her family, her ex. I'm so reliefed that they moved so far away that I no longer have to see them.

But I'd be lying if I said I haven't missed her or ached at the thought of her. Ached at the thought that she can no longer depend on me, ached for the fact that I can no longer speak to her. I know I have to do this, but it's just so hard. It took months for us just to be on speaking terms and now that it is, I have to turn my back on her, as she did when she decided to innitiate no contact with me. Now it's my turn. I don't do it out of revenge, I do it for me. Someone told me life keeps giving you the same lesson until you learn it. This one was a hard one to learn. But like Rising said, " I needed this to happend so I could realize that she could never be mine in any shape or form"

The thought of it was nice, but it hurt like hell. It hurt to talk to her, it hurt to hear of whts goin on with them. And like you all said, friendship shouldn't hurt. And this hurts. It hurts to be in contact and it hurts not to be, where and when does this hurt go away? Sooner rather than later I hope πŸ™‚

Thanks for listening, or shall I say reading πŸ™‚

February 4, 2007
4:47 am
Avatar
alycia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I always take time to reply to you, you are one of the few men i have ever witnessed that feel, feel sad, feel misery, feel empty... You feel santino... it truly amazes me at times hah... Serious...

You have a bit of a road ahead of you, you will have good days, bad days, days you forget and days you remember.

I am into my 15th month and i should be cured, i am not and it sucks... I thought i was better...

I will be ok tommorow i am sure but remember you will have ups and downs but we need to always focus on why we r better off without these people...

When does it go away? Maybe it doesn't haha... maybe we need to go jump off a cliff...

I am playing with ya mr s and maybe shouldn't be replying so stupidly on a support site lol

We will be ok, it just takes time...

I have to see my ex and the stupid idiot messes with my head occasionally, crying xmas day etc etc...

You have more of a chance of survival ... you dont see her anymore... you will get better, we all know that and the pain will go soon, this i can promise you...

Take care mr s and keep in touch with taj, she will keep your head on right...... regards alycia

February 4, 2007
9:52 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanx Alycia πŸ™‚ I luv your humor πŸ™‚

February 4, 2007
10:35 am
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi santino,
I don't know the whole situation, but from this post, good for you feeling that relief. That is what will carry you through.
And good for YOU knowing what works and what doesn't. Something hurts and you are staying away from it, that is huge.
b

February 4, 2007
11:17 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino,

It sounds like your mind is taking control and letting your heart rest for a bit.

In the process of grief there is that stage of denial, we convince ourselves it's not over, it could work again one day, and our hearts are filled with the "if onlys". And unlike a death the ending of a relationship always leaves the possibility of a door opening again.
I believe once we reach the level of understanding that a door re-opening for us is no longer healthy, we are learning the lesson life is teaching us! The lesson isn't always easy, it's often filled with hurt and pain but once we begin to understand the lesson, our hearts begin to heal. Time is the medicine we need to allow our hearts to heal.

Santino, I know I always say these silly expressions like, life keeps giving us the same lesson until we learn it. Here’s another one!! You can’t grieve your lose if you are still dancing with the corps. I think we all hold onto wanting friendship with the one we love when things end, I think that always leaves an opening of sorts and keeps our hearts glued. I learned that one the hard way, remaining friends kept me emotional involved and hopes alive that I would have the loving relationship I always wanted with an ex, the truth was, all it was doing was making me ill and keeping me stuck in a very un-happy place. Once I put no contact into place and allowed time to help me heal, my life became more at peace and I was able to move on. And I know you will too, just take your medicine, be kind to yourself, vent allot and know this too shall pass…

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 4, 2007
10:46 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone. This too shall pass, I like that πŸ™‚

February 5, 2007
10:02 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

santino....I like reading your threads, cuz in some ways I am going thru the same things.

not quite as difficult as you are...but still a little painful.

my ex-ex informed me today that his exgf is coming back from wisconsin to try and work things out.

because she knows of our past, she won't allow him to continue talking to me...so he wanted to let me know.

I knew the risks...I took them anyway...secretly hoping something good would come out of it...hopeful, but trying to be realistic.

I am glad I took the risk...cuz we did clear the air about alot of things and things are good between us now. But sad cuz I lost his love to her, and now I am losing his friendship too.

I'm a little sad. I won't blame him on this...he was honest right from the get go...told me he still loved her and that she was talking about possibly coming back.

our mutual friend said that there were BIG issues (more than I realized) and that it's not a done deal yet.

But I won't hold out hope...I got alot of good out of it....I was reminded of the qualities I want in a partner...hopefully I will find a partner that has all the good qualities of all my past partners lumped into one.

My heart IS still with him...and he knows it. But I can only step back and protect myself now. I deserve better...and so do you.

February 5, 2007
10:07 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Rising, I too enjoy reading your replies to my neverendig threads about the same thing over and over again πŸ™‚ It's hard to lose the friendship aspect huh? My ex and I were friends long before we were lovers. I know she wants to continue to call me when she needs me but I know Ican't do that anymore. The truth is, it hurts like the devil to talk to her. And like I heard, friendship shouldn't come with pain. I just pray she never calls back so I don't have to hear her voice anymore.

February 5, 2007
11:10 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well, the thing with my situation is...

I think it shows a high level of commitment on his part that he would not talk to me because it would cause problems and hurt her. I always had issues with just how committed he really could be...I had my doubts.

sad thing is - not it's too late for us.

anyway, I give him credit for being true to her...and have to respect that.

it hurts that I get pushed aside, but I knew that risk.

I guess part of me thought if I could worm my way back into his heart, things could work for us.

and maybe someday it could....but I knew things were unresolved with her...I knew the risks.

here's the funniest thing.

when I was dating him, I left him for e. I kept in contact (as friends) with ex-ex...and when things didn't look good for e and I, I went back to ex-ex. This lasted a few weeks and we ended up heading in the same direction again, so I walked again, going back to e.

So, on some level...he did just what I did...tho, this time, I didn't sleep with him, or really commit my heart to it.

Nor do I think he did this on purpose and was honest that there was a chance they could reunite and he didn't want to hurt me or sleep with me until he figured out what was going on.

I admit I wasn't so honest when I did it.

anyway, karma is a beautiful thing.

thankfully, I think all my "debt" has been repaid on this one...and all apologies have been said, and the air is clear. So, on some levels, I feel good....I made ammends with the past.

I'd by lying if I said I didn't want him back...but the time isn't right.

February 5, 2007
12:06 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino, I glad that you are learning to be alright with this. It will take time.
I'm just grateful for this site because I knew back when I started posting on here, I didn't have a clue and then I found out that it was me that is co-dependent. Once I starting learning about co-dep, I really understood myself and other. I have done so good with my 12 step in learning how to live again, then to be stuck, still complaining, and feeling sorry for myself because of another person. I realize that life is to short to be in misery over someone and that life still goes on whether we like it or not.
I know that I have came a long way, because if you know my story, my ex moved in the same complex and I, and the one person that had to change was me. We see each other from time to time but now, it is so difference. My heart don't pound so loud now, or I'm in fear to see him because of my co-dep ways. It is so difference. And once I stop blaming him and other for me being the way I was and started looking back at the person in the mirror.
I guess now reading more and more on this post and realizing that there is a lot of co-dep people and the one thing that we have to learn is that it is not the other people in our lives that is making us think that we are crazy. It really is us and we choose to live like that until we, ourselves say that enough is enough and we do something about it but until then we wil continue to be on this site looking for answers that we can only answers ourselves. It is a road of grieving, denial, anger, and letting go, and the process may be hard but at the end it is all worth it.
I found peace that I should of found along time ago and it feel wonderful. Daily life is hard enough but now it is so much easier dealing with people, places, and thing. And truly enjoying life. I give thank to god because he is truly the one who granted me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things that I can.
It is funny how when you change, people around you will change also, because now,they see that they can not control you anymore and that you caught on to what they have been doing for so long.

February 5, 2007
1:08 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Nappy, always grateful for your wisdom thanks πŸ™‚

Rising: Karma sux doesn't it?! πŸ™‚
I've had my fair share of Karma smack me in the face OUCH!! πŸ™‚

February 5, 2007
2:42 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ahhhh it is the S man. What hurts the most, is to hear how much they have moved on. It would be so nice to be a fly on the wall to know what they think when they hear that you have moved on. What is running through their minds? I bet anything she does think of you but it is hard to realize that even with all the love you feel that the future with her probably would be worse than what it seems and that fantasy seems like it is so real sometimes. It does get easier in time. I had my contact a week ago and I have to say as easy as I got heartbroken and all hurt for a few days, it also got easier and now I am back on track. It does get easier Santino man. Life has many bumps in it but there are also good things that happen too. It truly is a process like Nappy says. It does indeed take a lot of time, as frustrating as it can be. But ultimately the girl you love, just her calling you with her need for you cannot give you what you want the most and that is to be with each other. Something so simple needs to be simple. And you deserve better than her calling you this way to get you all stirred up. Im not so sure I believe in all this karma but I do believe that you have to make the best of what you have, move forward, cuz you get one shot here and it is sad that these loves keep old loves and new love together. If the other person was not so selfish, then they would let go and not mix a person up and send mixed messages and give all their love to the person they are with or want to be with and not keep sideline loves. You deserve better than that. Keep at it, move forward, not backward.

February 5, 2007
2:47 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good to hear from you Taj πŸ™‚ Glad to read that you are doing better. How is my lady love doing today πŸ™‚

February 5, 2007
4:46 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am doing well today. What is on your mind these past few days?

February 5, 2007
6:18 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh you know the usual roller coaster. It's actually getting better. I have come to terms with it all and just trying to enjoy and cherish what I have. And I don have alot to be gratefull for. πŸ™‚

February 5, 2007
6:20 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

" I do" typo πŸ™‚

February 6, 2007
10:07 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good morning everyone πŸ™‚

February 6, 2007
9:33 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello Santino.

February 6, 2007
9:54 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Whats up Taj!!! Looks like were playing AAC tag huh?! πŸ™‚

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
29
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information