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thankless job
May 23, 2004
2:01 am
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This isn't a CODA issue, but I'm having work troubles and they are getting me really down. I'm in grad school and working for the degree for my job in a local library. The dumb policy is that when you get the degree you must move on to a "second experience." Well, so happens, I like where I am. It has it's problems, like anywhere- but there is no where I rather be. I've been at this place four years. I feel so cheated. My library was undergoing renovation when I got there, I worked in a freaking trailer for a year and a half, help built up the collection from nothing, and now they want me to do that somewhere else. I'm rather pissed. If I didn't get the degree I would be able to stay there as long as I wanted!!! So I am punished for working harder and becoming more qualified.

I wish I knew this before I wasted time doing all that hellish schoolwork. Not only this, the travel time is longer. There are no WINDOWS in the new place! Not good for a depressed person. I need sunlight. I'm so upset I'm at the verge of tears when I think of it. No matter the problems that go on where I am now- it's ten times better than this new place. Oh, yes I've worked in this new place a lot so I do know what I'm talking about. I don't like the bosses, I don't like the location and this is all decided for me already. I just want to scream. I thought I was doing something GOOD for my future by going to school. I feel like I"m being punished.

It's going to be very hard for me not to regress and act out. I already have plans for the things I will say "no" to doing. They are going to get the bare minimum out of me, if that. My only concern is (as a children's librarian) that the kids get what they need and ask for. The bureaucracy can kiss my ###! Thank god I'm in a union. It's hard enough as it is for me to get out of bed in the morning. This doesn't help. I didn't think it would be possible to dread finishing school. I'm so sad. My job used to be the thing that took my mind off of things, it just keeps getting worse and worse. I just feel like I don't matter to anybody anymore. How insignificant they think we are! That they can just move people around like furniture. I feel like crap. I really do.

May 23, 2004
7:50 am
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Koala
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It is probably difficult to look at this as a positive but I have often found that the things I dread (which is really fear) turn out to be my best experiences. Hold your head high and do a great job - not for them but for the person you are and want to be.

Remember, when God closes a door he opens a window. His wisdom for you will guide you to the next experience and it will be awesome I'm sure!

Hang in there!!

May 23, 2004
10:44 am
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Wanttobewell
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I do hope that it turns out to be positive for you after all. I agree with Koala. I know you've worked hard Ella. You've achieved so much!!! You'll get to where you want to be. W.

May 23, 2004
7:20 pm
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The only place where I want to be is where they are making me leave. I wrote a brief email to the borough director, not that it will do any good, but I don't want to go along pretending like they did me some g##d#### favor like they think they did. God, I can't wait until the economy starts to recover and employees fly out of that system like bats out of hell... before 9/11 the attrition rate was unbelievable... now people stay because of the lack of opportunity elsewhere. Well, like I said, I don't plan on putting too much effort into it- I get paid very little, the least these people could do is treat their employees with some consideration. I will get a lot of emailing done, that's all. I'm feeling very spiteful.

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