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Tempted
March 1, 2001
1:55 pm
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janah
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I've got a very good male friend who's made it known to me that he's attracted to me. I'm married, and my hubby and I have been having problems for a very long time.

My friend has been a strong support system to me through all of my trials and tribulations, and I find myself attracted to him, as well.

He's asked if I would consider getting to know him better by spending more time with him so we could both know if there is something between us. HELP!!

I don't really know what I want at this point, and this whole situation has really thrown me for a loop. Anyone out there with a similar situation?

March 1, 2001
2:22 pm
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Cici
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Well, I cheated on my fiance during a troubled time in our relationship and I have regretted it with my whole heart since then. I also cheated with a friend.

The thing is that I was cheated on as well, in another relationship. It was so devestating I always said I would never do it to another human being, no matter how bad things were for me. But I did it any way, in the heat of the moment.

Basically, you need to end one relationship before starting another, even with casual dalliances. Even if you no longer love him, you owe him the common courtesy of ending things with him before becoming entangled with another man. It's just polite...and even though people tend to forget about courtesy when it comes to romance, at least do it for the sake of the love you may have once had for him.

March 1, 2001
2:54 pm
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janah
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Thanks, Cici. I appreciate your sincerity and warm regard for my situation.

I'm just feeling so torn and it's going to take some time for me to sort things out. Until then, though, I won't be doing much of anything.

Thanks again for your input!

March 1, 2001
10:15 pm
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Molly
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You did not say how old you are, or if you have children, if he is the father, or how long you have been married. These are all serious considerations, before you follow Cici's advice.
The other thing is look at your character. You made a committment to this man, as you indicated you are married. Once you cross the line there is no going back. I also have to share with you, that it is for the most part the same dance , just a different partner. Then look at this guy, who I assume knows you are married, and asking you to break your vows. Hmmmmm. What kind of partner would this be, and if your not looking at him as a partner, why would you toss all that you have for him? Its easy to write things off in the heat of the moment, but the guilt and shame catches up to you. I have found that when you fall out of integrity in one area of your life, its easy to start comprimising and excusing everything. You can't be in two places at the same time, looking and thinking, are fantasies, and while your in fantasy land, its real easy to start writing off the partner your with. You might look at your relationship, try reading Phil McGraw's book Relational Rescue, look at your responsibility in the relationship, could be your not really there? It takes two. Just a few thoughts for you to ponder.

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