Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
Telling Our Stories
January 15, 2009
4:40 am
Avatar
Daddymike59
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey. I'm going to condense this a little because my gf is asleep upstairs and I don't want her to wake up and find me on the 'puter. She's funny about things like that:)

I was adopted from birth. My biological mother is my brother-in laws sister. Are you with me so far? My sister's husband and my birth-mother are brother and sister. (That's a lot even for me)

My adopted Mother and Father have 2 sons and 3 daughters, for which I will now call my brothers and sisters. They are all at least 12 years older than myself. I am 49 my closest sibling (my sister Rita) is 62.

I didn't know I was adopted (I had a hunch that something wasn't quite right)until I was 12 yrs. old. it didn't seem right that my nieces were older than me.

When I was 13 I was molested by my oldest niece. She forced her hands down my pants and had me do things to her that I didn't want to do. My parents drank at that time and my parents and hers (my sister and brother-in law)had many drinking card parties where they would shoo us kids off into the basement while they drank and played pinochle up-stairs until the wee hours of the morning.

When I was 15 I finally got the gall to put an end to the madness. But not before I started to take my mothers valium. My parents had since found God and had stopped drinking but they didn't dispose of the alcohol. I took care of that for them.

At 17 I O.D.'d on Jimson Weed seeds. I'd heard at school that it was like taking acid. It was a trip but instead of tripping I was actually dieing.

I, somehow, graduated from high school, and joined the Air Force at 18. My father was a lifer in the AF so I thought that I would follow in dad's steps.

I lasted 11 mos. I was stationed 70 miles from my hometown and that allowed me to commute back and forth on the weekends. The AF got in the way of my partying and fun so my dad pulled some strings at the Base and i got an Honorable discharge ( Under Medical conditions ) Unadaptability, they said.
Got out, got a job, got married and had 2 beautiful children. When their mother got tired of me carousing and snorting coke, she divorced me in '87.

My father was diagnosed with carcinoma in '91 and I hit the bottle and the pills hard. In fact I even hit HIS pills hard. I got remarried in '93, after a couple of stints in jail, and proceeded to screw someone else's life up. My father died in '94 and she left me shortly thereafter.

I muddled through the next few years until I met Debbie in '99. She immediately took me under her wing and kept me breathing. My mother was diagnosed with cancer also in '99 and she passed away in 2001. Debbie and I have been together since 1999. She is my rock. Some of you know the rest of my story.

January 15, 2009
7:57 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

thanks Daddy for sharing!!! and yes we all have some similar story, and its good to know "you are not alone".

I think posting our stories here too, you get an idea of each person and what they went thru and can get a connection of what they are going thru.

Glad to see you join this forum!!

And for today, keep up with the "another day of sobriety!".

(((camer))))

January 15, 2009
9:17 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My story wears me out. The thought of writing it all out just makes me sad and tired. Suffice it to say that I was married for 14 yr to a man who emotionally abandoned me. I was involved for 4 yrs with a man who cheated on me and completely degraded me. I have an 11 yr old daughter, 1 1/2 yr old cat and a 6 month old puppy.

I am alone and lonely. I would like someone to share life with but at this point am not willing to put the effort into it. And so it goes....

Bitsy

January 15, 2009
9:20 am
Avatar
sunshine88
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

whew! wow this is a superb thread! full of brave people sharing their lives for others like me to learn from them. i admire you all, and (((all of u awesome people)))

as i was reading the posts, i slowly recognized a pattern that could be true for me. i was touching myself a lot as a child. at 6 i had suicidal thoughts nagging me day and night. i was excessively masturbating since 6 years old, had a lot of guilt about it, but could never really figure out what happened to me.

now i am beginning to process myself, was i molested early in life? because i grew up sheltered, was never exposed to xrated films or pictures, where did i get this from, and where did i learn it?

anyhow, as i was growing as a teen, i was running to a churchman for advice whenever i was full of guilt for masturbating. i was even keeping a log of how frequently i was doing it, trying my best to cut the habit, or at least lessen it. i was hard on myself. i thrived on guilt. i was a churchgoer, trying to pay for my sins, trying to get rid of my guilt, trying to cut my habit. nothing was working.

the disaster started. the churchman who knows about my weakness, started to take advances on me. i thought he loved me, and though it was extremely wrong, i fell for it. we would always go away and he would touch me and finish on me. i was 19 when it started. i felt so dirty. but because i liked the attention, i taught myself to like the sexual act too. i didn't lose my virginity to this man anyway. a lot of fondling, and touching each other. i wince now at the memory of this. i hated every second of it, but i was fighting myself, as if it were the price for being loved.

why was desperate for his attention? i have a very big family, we were poor. my father was beating up my mom. my mother was a neglected wife and mother. poor her.

one distinct and painful memory i have is when my father came home drunk, and asked my mom to stand by the wall, and started target practice on her with a handgun. i am crying now as i remember the horror on my mother's face, and the distraught expression on her face the next day. omg, it hurts so much to remember this. i wanted my father dead. but my mother is an extremely religious person, and taught us to always forgive. her prayers were answered when my father changed his ways, stopped drinking at the age of 65. he is now a sweet old man, obviously repentant of his sins to everyone. my mother is the ever sweet hero of my life, but i will never ever put up with the same crap. easier said than done.

this april, my folks will celebrate 50 years of marriage.

anyway, i struggled to leave this abusive churchman for 7 years. but i couldn't. i tried to look for a man who will love me, so i could be "saved"from the churchman. but the men i wanted and liked didn't like me back. i am pretty, but i was unkept. i hated myself. was still full of guilt.

u guys must be tired reading this already! it's too long! sigh.

anyway, i met a man outside my religion, culture and country. he proposed to me. he said he was divorced. but after 2 years of being his gf, i saw red flags, LOTS, that he was still married, and was getting free sex from me. yes, i gave myself to this man, because i really believed him when he said he will marry me.

i was doing the same thing. looking for a man to "save" me from this married guy. i was sure i didn't want to continue with him, but i didn't want to be alone, so i kept looking for a man to be with me.

i did find one online. like it was fate to meet him, he happened to be a colleague! so we started talking a lot, and this man did help me leave the married guy. he helped me break up with that guy.

so i jumped from one wrong man to another. this guy i met online wanted free sex too, lol, wtf. he didn't want marriage. he was even looking for someone to marry, while we were living together. he proposed twice to two different ladies, in different times, while we were living together.

i broke up with him when i learned about the second proposal he made. but today, i was missing him a lot, remembering the good times we spent together, and then i had to remind myself about what he did, and at 37 years old, i now have learned that i deserve better. perhaps better to be alone, than to be used by men.

i have purposely stayed away from men, because they only hurt me. but sometimes i ask, am i going to regret closing my doors to men, just to avoid getting hurt, and thenfind myself very alone in my old age?

should i keep trying, get myself hurt, and keep trying to find a good man to love me?

i dont know...

January 15, 2009
9:26 am
Avatar
sunshine88
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi bitsy, i know very well how it feels... like it's not worth putting energy into having a relationship, because it tends to be full of crap. though we know that we would like to have somebody nice and warm next to us...

(((bitsy))) and everyone((()))

January 15, 2009
8:36 pm
Avatar
Lluvia
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sunshine88-wow yeah im that way too. im just WAY to ashamed to say it. yeah masterbating is hard to stop when youve done it for so long its a habit. afterwards i feel like hell and so ashamed but i cant stop. good news i do it less but still...i do it. like i said earlier i wanted to feel loved and be loved so i fooled around with an ex and was going to have sex yesterday on his request.

people like you who are brave enough to say there story are saving me. people say im brave for speaking but thats just not true. if it wasnt for people like you who talk i would be worse than i am. im not saying im like fine because im not but im learning about myself and why im feeling like the way i am.

thank you for being brave

(((((sushine88 & everyone else)))))

January 17, 2009
9:32 am
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi guys, i have been here back and forth for about 4yrs now. I was the oldest of 2 girls, seven yrs diff. which is a big thing, dont even relate to her. Dad was physically abusive to mom and i. see i was supposed to watch her and make sure she didnt leave the house without me cuz she was pretty and he was extremely jealous and sick. if he came home and she was across the street, without me, boom, i was beat up, she was and the local cops who became friends cuz they were there every n ite. So my life was being beat up almost every day, even graduation day on line waiting for my diploma,sis never got into arguments. i dont even remember where she was. all we ever did was climb out the back window, have some man wait there with a car and run away till dad found us again. In 1969, dad 43 died of a heart attack, i wss reborn, free, but no memories just nightmnares, mom ripped up all thepics we had and thru them away. before i died i ment a man who became my husband, we had two sons, married 20yrs, lots of pot, pills. he became a cop, ha, and drank. we had a mutual agreement to divorce. my oldest moved out near his dad who was still my friend, youngest chris, stayed with me, knew who the schmuck was. one yr late met a man thru my gf, who was on work release from prison, yes divorced the cop, the con got out and we after a year, moved to fla with the younger son, older objected to coming. that was in 92
we got married, we were insanely head over heels, he was a totally differnt person of course than ex, he was loving romantic, sexy, jealous, fun, and then turned out to be nuts. from 92 to 2000 we had good times that were good, bought a house, opened business, bad times were nitemares, he couldnt stand when our kids, other marriages lived with us and i wasnt kicking them out. my son became his obsession of jealousy but he knew my son was doing things i refused to see, drugs, robbing us. no not my son. my son chris, had a baby, never saw her much, went in and out of jail for crack, etc. meanwhile i did the old mom thing, i kept running away when we would fight, scared like of dad, my husband would get me and we would be fine. i did love him and still do. in 2000,he got hooked back on drugs, arrested and 8yrs, now i lost thehouse the business, all his family, his mom my best friend died. my mom, i phone she wont have long dist. so they were in the other state oblivious. my son and i moved about 7 times, lost everything and was on disability cuz when hubby just about was getting bad, we foundout i had hep c. so while he was away i was being treated, what a wonder ful year that was. my son was messed up, i was visitng husb every wkend from prison to prison, bailing out son, selling life ins, everything. then in 2005, i decide to ask a friend of my sis in laws, a single man, who had just lost his home to move in. he was very very very mellow, something i didnt know but i thought maybe having someone live there would stop my son from his abusive ways to me and i would stop giving in. WRONG...we both became victims to him. me and the guy, i decided to stop visiting husband and tell him we were thru. he asked was there someone else, i didnt have anything with this man but did say yes, it was the only way out of this life of visitations and feeling numb to him. he would try to find me and ask me to stop, i stopped contact, ran again, with bf and son, when he was around. moved here to there, losing a part of me whether material or emotional each time. gypsy girl. living on xanax, vicodin, legally but now prozac added. now my son had taken over again my relationship with this man and the secrets i had to keep again with his robbing, i didnt know which lie to keep anymore. i was abused verbally and physically. the bf was good to me but never straight lived on pot. so the person i was looking for to lean on, could be there . eventually we were over and the on and off calls with ex continued, the moving in and out of apt and friends, kid in rehabs, son now 31 and still with me, taking over anything i had, car, apt, robbing me blind, bullsjhitting me left and right and me knowing it, but in denial. i still kept in touch with ex and he now had a mutual friend, visitng him. she took care if his needs as most women do when they are in that position but she was loaded. i was baker acted for trying to o.d., what the hell is there in life. the day i went into the hosp, i remember my ex was getting out. he always promised he would be there and love me no matter what but then his macho side would come. thats ok, i felt i deserved it i left him. i now was in a small, 55 and over apt, my son find me again and same stuff happens. one day, my ex calls and im on my way to church, who by now they dont know know what to do with me anymore, he says pack some clothes me and gf will meet you and you come stay with us awhile. ha, i did. then my son frantically calling, viciously looking for his i.d. cuz the father who never spoke to him and i wrote and begged this man months before to be a father, his son was at the lowest. now offered him a ticket to come north. its a big secret im not supposed to know but son posted on myspace, he is fine, going to cullinary school, where he should be with his "family". he loves me. well well, nothing left, can t even move what i own and dont want to, i move in with ex and gf, have a br, instead of realizing im finally safe, i think now where should i go, to mom in ny?? my ex is not in love with this woman, she knows he loves me, we are good loving friends. she treats me great, we get along, i got to keep the only thing that lived thru these 15 yrs of life, my cat, she remains with me. i dont have contact with many people but still feel like i am holding a candle that will never stop burning. i guess for now....ill hold on.
thank god i didnt put all of my crap in, we would need new website, but thank you for allowing me to. I hope 2009 brings love, hope, dreams, to all of us deserving people. god bless all of you, d

January 21, 2009
12:42 am
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok I told marple we should do this so here is my story...

I am 42, live in a rural area, only child to a fairly normal family- dad only drank occasionally - no drugs, no physical abuse. Dad farmed - my mother was a home maker (former legal secretary pre marriage) but never wanted to work out of the home after marriage. My story will be tame compared to most of yours..

I was raised by a very religous mother with a father that left the religon. My mother needed and still needs her religon - but it caused alot of pain in my family - like she was not coming to my wedding if we got married by a priest outside her religon. My mother was very emotionally and probably mentally unstable for a time. I never felt accepted or like I measured up with her until I was an adult - she tried to control me and I rebelled but not seriously. I sort of shut her out and became an adult early. Took care of myself - relied on myself - nobody was going to take care of it if I did not. My parents fought alot - very unhappy for many years- dad would put his hat on his head and disappear for hours, mom would cry and scream.

The thing I remember most was she loved conditionally or outwardly it appeared "I only love you when you are good" - meaning doing what she wanted. "I was never fat until I got pregnant with you." "I never wanted a baby within a year of getting married." As an adult I realize this carried down from her mother who was not a nice woman. The other problem is I became an independent thinker and acted just like her sister who mom always thought bullied her. It bothered her that her only daughter was like her sister and not like her.

I thought I had come past all that with my mother and I have because we get along fine now within our boundaries - she found out she could love unconditionally when I had kids - but I realize some of the traits passed down to me...

And to top it off I believe my father is codependent to a point - he picked my mother someone who needed to be taken care of. He constantly bails out his middle brother who constantly takes advantage of my dad. My dad loves unconditionally but is the worse procrastinator in the world - promised lots but never carried through and does not take care of himself- health wise.

I was a perfectionist, class valedictorian (lousy speller though), independent, always trying to find a way I guess to please my mother but yet not. I wanted to excel at everything but I was lousy at sports so knowledge became my vice. Dad well I worshiped him but grew up and realized he was not super man. I wanted to go to university but my parents were not advocators of education -again values handed to them by their parents.

Anyway at 18 (after a college course)I married because I had been raised to believe sex without marriage was wrong so six months into dating we set a date. We waited 3 years to have kids. But I was a control person - always said it was being an only child - used to fending for myself - very independent - a bit of a money miser and always interested in the accounting finance field. But I think it was the codependent traits kicking in partly. I picked someone who made me laugh but didn't have a clue about money - ok I will take care of it and over time I guess I just started taking care of everything. He was farming but that went in the toilet up here and everything he touched for a while seemed to fail. He has low self esteem but I never used to think so. Mr. Party - always a joke - always popular in public - but sometimes very demeening to people including me but always in as a "joke".

Was always afraid of ending up like my parents but scared as hell to divorce even when things were bad because then I would have failed. Husband drank too much at several times - was always looking for the fun life and great job (but easy way). And every time I was ready to leave something traumatic happened - like my son ended up at age three in emergency surgery with a tumor and we weren't sure for that night whether he would live or die. A few years later we had a second son and he died 10 days after being born. I fell apart and just played into whatever everybody else wanted, moved away from a place I had made home back to the area we both grew up in. Stopped my education to complete my degree.

As a teenager my first son had a second scare (complications from the first surgery) and had 2/3 of his bowel removed and again we almost lost him. And every time the trauma pulled us back together. I became a workaholic (but work was always something I excelled at)- own my own accounting business - thinking the more money I could make the more I could fix things and work gave me worth of self.

I used to think if only he could find the right job/profession/business. But I just kept taking care of it all.

Not that we did not have good times because we did - we have a great relationship with our son who is in college. And we still can make each other laugh and enjoy some of the same things. But we kinda grew apart - I became all work and (I realize now) no fun except when it came to our son. The spouse - became all about fun and constant stimulation.

Then about a year and a half ago I noticed my husband was gambling and not just casually. He had gambled before a bit $20 here $20 there but very sporatic. At that time he was going thru life, career and health changes/problems. I confronted - he stopped or so I thought. But this spring the s**t hit the fan - I realized he was going thru $1000's a month. Confronted - we both went to an addictions counsellor. Went well for a month or so.

Boom back at it hard- he quit the counselling - I stay with counselling - counsellor told me what could happen - likely he would blame me, make excuses, lie, be verbally abusive, get drunk (alcohol problems run in his family and have popped up randomly in his past), gamble more - say he was leaving, then want to stay etc etc.
Every step she was bank on the money.

July she told me I was codependent - so she suspected. I have researched, joined this site and finally in November said she is right and enough bulls**t I really have to address this - so I am. Realize and accept the gambling is not my fault nor my problem to fix. I need to fix me and get me back on track in my life - for me. I had been having little health things that had me thinking I had to cut back my work last fall yet. Now all the stress is causing other health issues but my doctor is great and I am confident we will figure it out.

Saw the lawyer - checking out legal issues re money, seperation, etc.
Got the spouse to surrender credit cards, bank cards and the legal right to sell joint property to pay debts. Wrote him a letter explaining my view how it makes me feel... and have reached the conclusion which he knows told him clearly- gambling goes or we end.

Haven't worked up to the splitting part yet - partly not ready emotionally - partly not done financially and legally. He has been opening up to a friend and gotten a camp job that does not have access to gambling venues. Has not liked my detaching and had become very confused about my lack of concern.

Found out alot of people knew about his gambling, stopped trying to cover it up, stopped trying to help him financially, started reading more about codependency. Found out I have some very good friends. found this site.

Realize this will be a long process - have decided I am going to complete my accounting degree even if it takes me to 50 something. And have even more so grown close to my son - but we were very close already. Have also realized I try to help him to much - we have talked and now I assist when asked and try not to offer when not.

Thats my story - like I said - I have not endured what some of you have - but I guess codependency comes in all forms.

BBlue

January 22, 2009
4:19 pm
Avatar
SugarPie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well here is my story:

I am 27 years old and married with 1 child. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years now and last year has been very hard. My husband has always "smoked" and recently he became addicted to pain pills. From there he went to coke and herion. For about 4 months he was hard on this stuff. I felt I had lost my husband forever. A few days after Christmas I decided it was time to go. I tried one last time to talk to him and in a rage of anger he told me not to be there when he returned. So I packed mine and my sons stuff up and moved out. When he came home the next day and saw that all was gone he checked himself into Detox. He spent 3 days there and I spent a week at my parents house. I know that a week is not enough time but I back at home with him and we are trying to have a life again. From observing him and his behavior he has not used that I know of. But the past 2 days have been weird. He has been irratable and cranky. I just need some one to talk to. I am lost and dont know what to do now. If anyone can help me with this topic please let me know.

January 22, 2009
6:24 pm
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Mine is not using drugs - its gambling and what you are saying about the irritable is withdrawal from their fix... look out things are probably not steady for long

I would say consult counselling for yourself.

Also if you are looking for specific advice and comments start a thread for it

BBlue

January 22, 2009
9:00 pm
Avatar
CrazyPink
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok, so I was suggested to start here on another thread. I have just sat back for a few days to read, but think I am ready to post more. I don't have a story like any others here. I am only 20 so I don't have much to write either. I don't have anything to really worry about, except the fact that I'm having a hard time dealing with a break up.

I grew up with 1 brother and 2 sisters. I am the youngest. My mom and dad were married for 16 years and divorced when I was in the 3rd grade, so about 10 years old. I don't remember either parent being around or in my life until after the divorce. Before it, my mom was always out with her friends or working. My dad was always hunting or working. So my brother, the eldest, raised me and my sisters. When my parents divorced, we all went to live with my dad until one night he beat up my oldest sister, she ended up in the hospital. My mom got custody soon after because I was too afraid to continue living with my dad. He always hit my mom, brother and sister, but never hit me in a mean way. He spanked me once, I threw ramon noodles behind the refrigerator because I didn't like them. That was the only time he ever layed a hand on me that I remember. He drank a lot, until a year after the divorce. Then he stopped, that's when he became a dad to any of us. but at that time, he remarried. He chose her over us. So I've never been close to him. I hate his wife, and funny thing is, we all told him what she was like. Who she was when he was not around. He is in the process of leaving her. I lived with my mom and step dad, who I totally adore, up until I was 18. I moved out shortly after turning 18. My mom was never really there, I mean she was there physically but not emotionally. She's not a hugger. She is like a guy in the sense that she's not touchy feely, not emotional, very raw in a way. I'm a lot like her. I don't get sappy over flowers, I don't celebrate vday for romance, I don't cry at movies, and I used to be very stern, never cried over any boy. Never cared. I was always like whatever to boys, if you don't like me, cool, peace. I always had high self esteem. Well, in highschool. My sisters are very pretty, and I feel they are prettier than me. I've competed with them my whole life, and I don't even know why. Family shouldn't compete. I was always jealous of them, but always knew I was a good person. Always thought I was pretty, just had to work hard at it. I don't mind a little hard work though. Recently though, well, not recently the last 7 months. I have been having a hard time with self esteem. I have none. It all went out the window because one guy doesn't want me anymore. i don't know how this happened or why it happened. I used to be active, now I just want to sit at home and cry. I cry so much now. I've tried the anti depressants. They aren't me. I've tried the counseling. It's not me either. I know i can't expect any of this to go away over night, but I sure wish it would. I know it is said that everyone should go through one hard break up, but I worked so hard not to. I mean I didn't date all through highschool. I watched my mom and sisters go through bad relationships and vowed not to be that way. Tried to be so good to him. But he feels i was mean, I have to respect that. But I don't accept it. I tried, just not my hardest. I'm learning how to get over mistakes I've made. Trying to accept them for what they are and move on. but I feel I can't until I make it up to him and do try my hardest. I've lost my chance though. Well, that's my story.

January 23, 2009
10:09 am
Avatar
SugarPie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Crazy Pink

I have been there before. I went through this with a guy that I dated for 1.5 years. After that breakup that is all I did was to sit around and cry. After that I took the stance for myself and said you know what HIS LOSE. So after that when I guy broke up with me I would let him know you lose not mine. I know just saying sound like it is not going to work but if reach deep down and try to believe it, it will get you through that hard times. You just have to pick your head up and look to the sky and say you know what today is for me. I am 27 now and didnt meet my husband until I was 24. You are young and sound stronger then you are giving yourself creidt. You will get through this.

A highschool teacher once told me "You have to kiss alot of frogs before you find your prince."

January 23, 2009
10:49 am
Avatar
CrazyPink
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi SugarPie.

I like that phrase. Thank you for your input. I have been going through a rough time, but last night I was thinking. I'll address it in another thread, only because this thread is for stories. 🙂

January 23, 2009
3:57 pm
Avatar
Mari Kwante
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Crazypink how are you!!!!!!

January 23, 2009
5:53 pm
Avatar
CrazyPink
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am alright, how are you? Do you have a story too?

January 24, 2009
2:59 am
Avatar
Mari Kwante
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I HOPE THIS ISNT TOO LONG...

I am 22 and I grew up in an outer-city urban community. It wouldn’t be suburbs because it seems everyone from the inner-city moved to the this suburb and turned it out, lol.

I grew up with my mom and younger sister. My mom had various boyfriends; one stayed around the longest and so I consider him my dad. Growing up I was always bright. I made straight A's all the way through school and even now into my master's program. I eventually met my biological dad at 19 and I am currently building a relationship with him, my younger sister and brother. I also have a nephew and two nieces that I love dearly. They keep me going; some one has to show them how to move out of the housing projects.

That was the good...

I was molested, repeatedly. First by my babysitter. Lets call her Ms. Y. Ms. Y would watch me and do really bad things to me. I believe it started around age 5?

Next it was uncle C. Uncle C. had some mental issues BUT he knew what he was doing. I know he does. Uncle C. molested most of the young children and eventually many started doing things to each other. (Yes children can molest other children.)

I made myself forget and how did I find out? Flashback during my "first" sexual experience. I still have issues with dealing with it. It seems I have never been innocent and I will never know what that feels like.

I grew up FAST. Having a teenage mom is hard on the child. My “dad” would fight my mom every night. I learned in DARE about drugs and family violence. I knew that he sold drugs and he fought my mom and that were wrong. I called 911 so much my house was a regular stop. After DARE in 2nd grade me and 911 were very good friends. I never feared for my life but I did worry about my mom. After they broke up, our financial source was gone and e moved back into the PJs. I have been working since I was 14, and paying bills. I worked two jobs most of high school and college.

My high school sweetheart was full of tricks. Were together for years and I found out that he had cheated on me with over 19 women... And he had this new female while I was away at college who "understood" that she was on the side. Eventually I got enough courage to leave. It seemed when he really wanted to work it out, I didn’t want to. It was a hard breakup, I still love him even now but I know that he never had my best interests at heart and that he never really loved me. He loved himself.

I am the individual with low self esteem and confidence. I used to hide it well but now it seems I wear it on my sleeve. I am depressed I don’t know why... or should I say I don’t know what issue is making feel this way. I don’t cry, but I do stay busy ALL of the time. I work tons of overtime, volunteer all over the city, I am super active in my church, and I have friends and a steady boyfriend. All of this keeps my mind off the real issues and that is the only way I can function.

It sucks when everyone thinks you’re
This great person but you.

I don’t feel loved!!!!!
I don’t even think I deserve it 🙁
And I don’t receive it well either.

I may be with the love of my life but never enjoy him or real love,

all because I won't let him in....

January 24, 2009
1:20 pm
Avatar
sunshine88
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hey guys, just popped in here after some time, and want to congratulate your bravery in sharing your stories. there's so many of us reading your stories, and we feel that we are not alone in our struggles in life.

(((everyone)))

January 29, 2009
4:55 pm
Avatar
truthBtold
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am not quite ready to post my story....just yet.

But, I have to say, I have let out little 'snippits' to my finace and can not tell you how wonderful it can be to just tell my story to an open and unjudgemental ear.

That's all.

Just an open and non-judgemental heart and ear.

(There is TONS to be said about merely 'getting a witness' - you know?)

After that - it's out.

The secret is out.

(....and we are only as sick as our secrets.)

I commend everyone for being so open and vulnerable.

((((many hugs to all))))

January 31, 2009
3:09 am
Avatar
shyshy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Alright, here's my story. I come from a family of 7. I had six older brothers and then there's me.

All of my brothers with the exception of one died in their early thirties. They were all HIV positive (heroine users and one gay).

I got married when I was 22 to a man who used to live the gay lifestyle but was then in church and didn't want to be gay anymore. We stayed together for 15 years, had two kids and after much turmoil we finally split up.

I was depressed for quite a while and had a really hard time adjusting to being alone. In my pain I got involved with his brother, went through the roller coaster ride from hell for a while, bought a house with him a year ago and now today we broke up.

I'm back to square one now. Alone and wondering how the hell I'm going to survive.

January 31, 2009
4:12 pm
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

shyshy

I am surviving one day at a time - when my counsellor first told me to do this I thought yeah whatever - but I get thru one day and then the next - I don't over plan like I used to ...
Eventually I hope to be able to look months in advance but right now its me first - in little steps as impatient as I am that is hard.

Don't know your whole story - do you have friend or other family support?

BBlue

January 31, 2009
5:40 pm
Avatar
shyshy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks bblue. I do have a couple of friends I can always go to to vent and cry on their shoulder if I need to. However, I don't like to be a burden so I probably won't. I have in the past though when things got to the point where I thought I would just die. I'm not there right now. As bad as it may seem to me, I've been through much worse.

That's why I come on this site. I can always get some words of inspiration to keep me going or a swift kick in the @ss if I need it.

I will be taking one day at a time like you said. In the words of Eckhart Tolle "Today I have no problems" tomorrow may be different financially speeking but for today I am ok.

Thanks again.

January 31, 2009
11:33 pm
Avatar
bblue
Canada
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 10
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

shyshy

This has been my experience
I too did not like to be a burden to my friends but I turned to them when I felt I was going to explode or implode....

And my one very good friend said don't hold it in for so long - call me sooner - you are never a burden..

And she was right - I called her when I was just feeling like I was crazy -not at the end of my rope and you know its helps - you get thru that moment and it relieves instead of builds -

I now have this attitude - I will listen to you and you will listen to me.. just like we are doing in letter now and it makes it easier.

Take care

BBlue

February 3, 2009
11:00 am
Avatar
Harlequin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I got married when I was 24. This guy seemed so great on the surface, he was in the entertainment industy and everything was about how we look. That's fair enough though. He was beautiful. That was my main shallow attraction to him. That's why I wanted him.

I wont be able to give much detail because of anonymity, but I can tell you about how he treated me. In public I was his darling. Adored. The first part of our relationship was very public and he treated me very well when we were alone. My story is different than most who are with a narcissist because he did not use me for money or security, he used me for coverage. He needed someone to look good beside him and make him look stable and dependable. I photograph well and I guess he liked my pedigree. My mother came from old money. He proposed to me in a very public place. I wanted a simple beautiful wedding with only my family and some close friends. Exchanging vows is a private sacred thing to me so thats how I wanted it but no. he turned it into a media circus. My sacred became a circus it didn't matter what I wanted.

My life was a circus, with clothes jewelry cars, houses and vacations all over the world. We never slowed down. I hated it. He was so gorgeous that women were always coming on to him. Sometimes they did this with me right there with him. I know it must be hard for a high profile man to resist temptation, and he didn't. He didn't even try to keep it a secret. It was fine for him, but ohmygod was he ever jealous of me. He watched my every move, he was always afraid I was going to look back at a man who looked at me. He accused me of cheating on him all the time. He slapped me when he was suspicious of me. I didn't work because he didn't want me to be around men. I shopped, worked out, shopped, went to the stylist, the manucurist, shopped, pedicurist, tanning salon. BORING. That was all he wanted... for me to look good. It was all about how we looked, and how I made him look. I was a reflection on him. My feelings didn't matter. That I was bored, needed my mind to be busy wanted to meet people outside his circles that werent so self absorbed.

After four years, I was going to leave him because of the women, but I got pregnant. I didn't want to raise my baby without a father, so I stayed. When I was pregnant, everything got worse. Like all the attention wasn't on him any more and he got ugly with it. He didn't get a couple of jobs he really wanted and he was scared. I was FAT, so he didn't take me out cause he didn't want his picture taken with me. He was partying all the time, doing coke and all kinds of drugs really f**king up, but he blamed me for him not getting those jobs. The farther along I got in the pregnancy the meaner he got. He called me names, fat ugly b**ch. Cow. He started slapping me around and I was scared for the baby. He would get rough in bed. It was so scary. Then one day he slapped me off the dining room chair because he said his steak was overdone. I fell on my side and he kicked me over and over and broke two ribs. I couldn't breathe. I started bleeding later that night and lost my baby early the next morning. He wouldn't drive me to the hospital. I had to call an ambulance. when I did he left, gone before they could get there. When my mom and stepdad found out the first time they heard of it, they wanted me to leave him, but I thought it might get back to normal since I wasn't pregnant any more. I was so damn stupid, I stayed with him for two more years. I focused everything on him. Keeping HIM happy. Pleasing HIM. I secretly got an IUD so I wouldn't get pregnant again. I couldn't take that chance to have another one die. I finally left because he wouldnt stop hitting me, he hit me when he was frustrated when he was angry. The more I tried the worse he got. The only peace I got was when he went off on his binges. One night he came home after being gone for 4 days and nights, woke me up having sex with me, called me awful names rolled over and went to sleep. He didn't even hit me that time but I sat up all night. I couldn't sleep. I knew, as pretty as we were, as nice as our life seemed from the outside? That this was the core and would never get any better than that. The next morning, I packed a couple of suitcases and left for my mom's house. I spent the next six months waiting for the divorce to go through and the next year drinking... I felt like such a failure. I couldn't keep a husband, couldn't keep a baby. I couldn't do anything right. My parents sent me to a rehab outside the country. you know. They're wrapped up in it too, it had to look like I was vacationing abroad!! whatever. When I came back, I moved out and dated a little, but I never let it go too far. I was afraid someone else bad would slip under my radar. Since my radar sucks, you know?

I went to therapy regular for two years, and now I go whenever I feel like I need to talk. Sometimes I will go out when someone nice asks me, but I am the one to back off before things get too serious. I have been thinking of trying to find someone because I want to have a baby before I get too old but I'm a little scared I might pick a lemon again.

In the last two years, I have spent so much time studying my exes kind. He's a high profile person. fits the Narcissist profile. I found though that spending all my time trying to figure out why he was the way he is only kept me from getting better from his abuse. I have a great job now and get to meet all kinds of different people, travel, go to parties. I volunteer at a shelter for abused women once a week. It humbles me to see women stuck in there situations because they have no money. It wasn't like that for me. It was other things for me, social, publicity, etc. Things I'm not proud to admit.

That's what happened to me. Well the short version. sometimes I have nightmares about being beaten or locked up with him in the room. I have panic attacks for no reason. none that I can tell anyway.

February 8, 2009
11:00 pm
Avatar
sunshine88
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi harlequin, so sad to hear your story, but relieved that you've escaped from that horrible situation.

i logged on this morning, feeling low and depressed about my stupid breakup from months ago, and here you are with your dark memories of getting beaten up, losing a baby, and all.

thank you for sharing your story. maybe we can cry together.

February 9, 2009
2:54 pm
Avatar
Harlequin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for responding to me, Sunshine!! I was beginning to think I was death to all threads. Or just that no one likes me here!!!!! Any time you want to talk to spill- let it out and I will listen.

(((Sunshine)))

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
52 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 108531

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38531

Posts: 714172

Newest Members:

Jamesbiofe, browneyznp, Carpetrsr, Sightiuq, Focusfwn, reginani1

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer