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TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.
October 11, 2006
6:32 pm
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santino
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Hello everyone, tell me what you think? I went to counseling today and told my counselor everything that happend between my ex and I. I told her that I felt worse knowing that she went back to her ex boyfriend. My Counselor said that if it was someone else I would feel the same. I dunno, I don't think I agree. I think what hurts the most is that I risked so much to protect her from him, and she just diregarded all and go back with him.

October 11, 2006
6:49 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi Santino!!! I am glad that you went to see your counselor.. i hope you feel better after talking with her.. I agree with you that you gave a lot to protect her and gave so much to the relationship and she did not care at all about your feelings..
Although my situation is not the same as yours, I need to end a relationship in which my boyfriend does not care about my feelings at all.
I hope that you will find someone that cares for you and will appreciate all your efforts..
Hugs to you

October 11, 2006
6:51 pm
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santino
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Thanks needtoheal, I appreciated it, I hope all goes well for you too. Nothing hurts more then being with someone that doesn't care. Good Luck.

October 11, 2006
6:57 pm
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Santino, and needtoheal

Its got nothing to do with you! She was always going to go back until she finally ends it. You showed her a different way of being that she will take back to the old relationship.

It seems to me that when our lovers leave us for another the hurt goes deeper. I then question what was wrong with me or what could I have done better? So that they would love me? But it really isn't about me or even about you for that matter.

From my perspective I do not agree with your counselor either. Some how when a lover takes a step back to an old relationship I feel discouraged, and when they take a step into their future and a new relationship and experience I feel better.

October 11, 2006
7:19 pm
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needtoheal
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Thanks Santino... And I think what you said Littlespirit is true that it does not have anything to do with Santino or in my case me... It has to do with the other person... Things do not happen for a reason.// Things happen because of the choices we make..

In my situation, I feel bad because I am the one who is responsible for allowing the verbal and psychological abuse to continue... And everytime that he abuses me I cry.. and then I feel stupid or bad because I have not learned to walk away... I did it before with an ex husband who left when my kids were only 3 and 14 months old..
He did not want to work on the relationship at all and yet did not want to divorce me.. We separated and he continued to come to my house to see the kids. He would eat dinner and I would wash his clothes. And after the kids went to bed, he would leave every night... not with a hug or kiss.. So I got tired of it... and finally filed for divorce.. Then I got involved with my current boyfriend who walks all over me too.. I just can't figure it out why I can't leave this man. I got over my ex..
For example, my dad's best friend died. After the funeral, my boyfriend left a message that his plans fell through. He did have some things to do but if I wanted to do something to give him a call.. So I called and asked him what he was doing and he snapped "What I have to write a diary now?.." He was helping a friend with her groceries (and then taking her to the bar where her husband is a dj)... So when I called back to find out how long he would be he answered and said Oh my god and hung up.. then kept his cell phone off... So i showed up at the bar and asked him what happened. He said that I was annoying him. When I mentioned that I had a funeral he said How long ago did you even see THE MAN... NO CONSIDERATION FOR ME AT ALL...
that was two weeks ago.. and if i mention my feelings he just says that i keep bringing up old stuff.. when i mentioned that i needed him that i had a funeral he said "I'm not the one who had a funeral"
What do you guys think??
thanks for listening.... and santino I think that you are a very caring person.. I know that it is very hard to get over someone who you care about but I think that LittleSpirit was right that you did give show her a different way of being.. just like after I end it with this man.. He will see all that I gave to him and hopefully he would learn from his mistakes... but usually selfish people do not see it or the hurt that they cause... she probably does not care for how you feel ..just like this guy too or my ex husband who I had been married to for almost 10 years when he said good bye

October 11, 2006
7:33 pm
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needtoheal
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Guess what.. All of this stuff about people not caring and it being about them bothered me so much that I just left a message for him on his cell phone that he did not care about my feelings that night when he was drunk and he continues to not consider my feelings even tonight sober because tonight he even said to me that I was bringing up old stuff and when I mentioned that I had a funeral he said "So what, I did not have a funeral to go to.." So I left a message that he does not contribute to this relationship emotionally.. that he is incapable of having a relationship with me because he cannot take into consideration my feelings at all... I told him that I need to move on with my life...

October 11, 2006
7:36 pm
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santino
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needtoheal, thanks for sharing your story. I regretably know what your going through. And I know this because I used to be just like your current boyfriend 🙁 Yes, me. I treated people like shit!! I was rude and inconsiderate, I was selfish and only thought about myself etc. etc. When my ex wife and I started our divorce I realized what a bad person I was, to her, my kids, my friends everyone. I started going to counseling and my life changed. I got together with my now ex, and she reeped the benifits of the new me. And now, I'm at the recieving end. Ironic. Karma.

October 11, 2006
7:37 pm
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santino
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wow!!! Needtoheal, good for you!! Be strong and stick to your guns!! 🙂

October 11, 2006
8:28 pm
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needtoheal
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Its so hard santino... he just called me.. and i said that i guess you did not listen to my messages.. he said no.. so i told him what i had to say.. he said that he can't get along with me anymore. he said that he has to start with somebody new that he never screwed up with and although that he had not been looking he now will// so i said to him not to waste my time anymore...
please help me.. i am sooo upset... it has to be over.. even my counselor said that in her opinion it has to be over because i would not even be able to be just friends with him

October 11, 2006
8:35 pm
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needtoheal
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and the strange part is that i am upset because i know it is over...and i will have to start all over again... and i guess that is the co-dependency part.. we have gotten in so many arguements and i always would take him back.. i was even engaged to him/// for only a few days before i gave the ring back// i am sure that he will do the same thing to another person.. he even talks to his own mother in the same way he has treated me.. calls her all kinds of names that i could not even write on here... he is abusive verbally and emotionally... and i don;t deserve it.. thank god i did not have my kids around him that much because that would be another loss to them too.. god, i still can't believe that i just said all that stuff to him.. it seems that we both want it to be over....

October 11, 2006
8:48 pm
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santino
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I know how you feel believe me. People always tell me time will heal. I know it hurts but if you think about it we are really better off, for us and our kids. How mny kids do you have? I have 2.

October 11, 2006
9:00 pm
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needtoheal
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i have 2 as well

October 12, 2006
12:20 am
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Anonymous
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Santino

Have you been reading your codependents books? If so, what have you been learning about yourself?

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