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tell me someone is oneline right now.
October 5, 2004
3:06 am
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wireless_tech
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Anyone.

I want to break something.

I went throught the house deciding what id be willing top smash.

I was sitting there listening to the radio, and I got the urge to smash something. The cabinet that the radio was sitting on had a hammer sitting on it, and I wantede to pick upo the hammer and smash it to peices. then i would have one less peice of furntiture. I want to do it.I need to takke out my aggression.

October 5, 2004
3:29 am
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silence
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Sorry. At this hour it looks like you're stuck with me.

Have you tried ripping out the pages of your phone book. I did that once. Pretty satisfying. But my parents were perplexed when they tried to find it a few weeks later.

October 5, 2004
4:37 am
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Anonymous
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I've only just joined so don't know why you want to break something. The times I have wanted to break something it has been anger or frustration. I have broken lots of things in the past. It only helped for a while, then I was sorry because I had to fix up the mess. Perhaps it would be better for you to sit and breathe and identify why you want to break something. Ofcourse, if there is a vase or something you really hate, that might do it. Otherwise if you would rather like to talk it out I am here.

October 5, 2004
5:00 am
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Anonymous
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wireless, I haven't heard from you. Hope that you are feeling better now, whatever action you have taken.

October 5, 2004
8:27 am
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eternaloptimist
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Hey Wireless!

I haven't posted to you lately. I feel your pain, brother. I made a decision on Sunday night to end my marriage. It is very scary right now. The thing is, we all have our breaking point (codependent or not), and she has brought me to mine.

I have been putting up with a selfish, inconsiderate, unloyal, and disrepectful wife for about 3 months now. I am quickly realizing that my codependency might have played a role in this situation, but it definitely has not caused the outcome.

My wife is trying to tell me that our souls just aren't connected. She stopped giving to this relationship when she found herself carrying on with another man. The whole soul thing is just an excuse to get out. As I said in an earlier thread, she has become a different person, and she is exploiting my codependency by going out and doing whatever it is she does when she is gone for hours at a time. She is of the opinion that "space" means she can simply come and go as she pleases with no accountability. She has tossed out the common courtesy portion of a relationship.

My point to all this is...although I am a codependent person, I am also a person that has values and self-respect. Shame on me for being gullable to her previous lies. Shame on her for lying. Without accountability, we will never heal.

I feel I deserve the accountability I am requesting. What are your thoughts?

October 5, 2004
9:04 am
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Freya
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Eternaloptimist you hit the nail on the head! A lack of accountability leads to a lack of respect which in turn to you leads with a lack of dignity. Essentially, the combination leads to one person doing whatever they want whenever they want without while the other sits and sort of waits......but for what? Are we waiting for him/her to have some earth shattering revelation and come to their senses realizing how much they have hurt us and want to redeem themselves in ways only we ourselves have imagined? That is probably what we are waiting for but so far, experience has shown me that is doesn't happen. Alot of people spend their lives waiting to be given to and treated with the respect we give daily. This is what I have spent the past 3 and a half years doing and I did't really pay close attention until I read your post. As much as I doubt myself and fear the pain of letting go, each day I visit here makes it just a little bit easier to manage.
It is his Birthday today and it is taking everything I have not to call him. I hope you are well today and I am sending strenght out to whomever may be in need. Take care all and thank you yet again. Freya.

October 5, 2004
9:11 am
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mamacinnamon
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Am sorry you are having a ruff time of it right now. My mom always told us, "If you break it you have to clean it up and replace it" Guess that's why I can't bring myself to break things. I hope you work thru your upsettedness.

I have a non-related question, but didn't know where to put it. How do you tell if other's are online now? Don't understand how you communicate back and forth other than signing off and on alot. Anyway, just curious. I would like to join in with your group if I may please.

Thank you.

October 5, 2004
11:23 am
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fairy99
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wireless

Hope youe are doing better today. I know what you mean about just taking it out on something. Got an Idea, go to the gym and punch the bag till you drop, better yet, buy you one and ounch it when you want. It will make you feel better.

~~fairy~~

October 5, 2004
11:28 am
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CAMER
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wireless, hope you are doing ok right now....please post and let us know how and what you are feeling, we'd like to know.....hugs from camer

October 5, 2004
1:07 pm
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wireless_tech
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Thanks all for the replies. I was drunk last night when I started to want to break the cabinet that the radio was sitting on. I didnt even remember creating this thread until eternal mentioned it on another thread. I didnt break anything. I did lose my damn glasses though.

I just woke up, and I dreamed of her cheating on me with a co-worker of mine. I was ready to kill him when I woke up. I have also been thinking about how satisfying it would be to put a bullet in her new boyfriend's chest. Two or three of them.

I must be angry or something.

I have to go to work.

October 5, 2004
1:19 pm
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southgoingzax
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Hey,

Remember all you said about her, how she was a burden to you? Remember that. This new guy isn't getting someone wonderful. He's getting a lying, manipulative, sick person. You, on the other hand, are free to go find someone new and wonderful who is honest and trustworthy and able to have sex. Right?

October 5, 2004
1:25 pm
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kathygy
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Wireless,

When I feel enraged I love to slam the phonebook on the floor with full force or slap a table real hard with a pad of paper until I get the anger out. I love the sound it makes. I find I need something that makes a loud gratifying sound. And while I'm doing that say all the things, uncernsored, I want to say to the person I feel angry at.

eternal,

It does sound like your wife is not treating you with respect. I suspect from what you've said she simply dosen't respect you because of your codependency on her. I would go to therapy and work on turning that around before I left. See if you can heal your codependency and see if she starts respecting you. If she does her feelings could shift about you. You only have control over yourself but sometimes if I change myself the other person can't help but change.

October 5, 2004
2:57 pm
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CAMER
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I have also been thinking about how satisfying it would be to put a bullet in her new boyfriend's chest. Two or three of them.

Wireless, noticed on this above post, wouldn't you rather do this to HER than to HIM...she is the one who chose to sleep with him, and she was the one to choose this lifestyle, you should be more mad at her than at him.....just throwing my 2cents in!

hugs to you....camer

October 5, 2004
8:13 pm
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Anonymous
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I find taking boxing lessons has helped....:) Imagine face on punching bag.... very satisfying...

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