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Teenage Homosexuality
February 18, 2005
2:10 pm
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margarita2004
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Hi everyone !!! I have a question ? Last night I was online chatting with my 16 year old nephew,and he confessed to me he is gay, he appearently has a boyfriend his same age and his parents do not know about the relationship at all or about him being gay, he lives in a very small town in mexico and the society "of course" is not very acceptable towards all of these!! I do not know what to do, because I try to understad him but i do not want him to suffer... What do you think is the best thing i can do for him ? how do i show him my love and support ?

February 18, 2005
2:17 pm
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addicts wife
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well you can show him your love and support by continuing to be some one he can confide in.. he obvioulsy trusts you immensely.. and that is wonderful!!!!
Be a good listener, and keep on talking to him openly about whatever he is willing to share! It will be hard enough because of the cultural stigma involved in a small town, and in a society where people are ridiculed, and treated "differenly" Continue to communicate, and by doingthat youre allowing him the ability to trust, and grow, and to be himself without shame.

February 18, 2005
2:17 pm
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kathygy
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All you can do is show him your love and support.

February 18, 2005
2:28 pm
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mosher1yr
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he needs to tell somebody because its going to hurt worse if he waits let it out now the sooner things will somewhat go back to normal

February 18, 2005
2:35 pm
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margarita2004
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I dont know if he should tell anyone , specially his parents because i know them , his older sister already went through someting very difficult she had a baby at 15 and it was not very cool for her, so now him telling them he's gay ... well it might be a little shocking also !!! so i do not want him to feel unloved by his parents and i fear that he might go put himself in a situation were he might be in danger, i do not want older men taking advantage of his situation

February 18, 2005
3:18 pm
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stardj0
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hi there...
i know that feeling of coming out.. it is so hard when i was first gay many years ago...i told my sister and confided in her..but the first opportunity that she and i got into it and she was mad at me..she went and told my mother..and my mother freaked out..and we had words and didnt speak for about 2 or 3 months..then she came around and told me she loved me no matter what..i am now 55 years old and i remember that day like it was yesterday..when i was 19...my mother died 4 years ago and i miss her so deeply she ended up loving all the guys that i was seeing and treated them like they were her own son..i can understand you not wanting older men taking advantage of the situation and you should be concerened where that stands..and i commend you for being there for your nephew..just please talk to him about the sexual part about all the std's out there and educate yourself on hiv and aids and please please talk to him about that and tell him to be so careful out there...there are so many people who have it and will say they dont..tell him if he does want to have sex to be SAFE..use a comdom..i know he is young..but he needs to be educated on this part for his well being.. i wish you and him the best of luck...take care...

February 18, 2005
4:52 pm
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hopeful for change
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I think what every kid needs more than anything is uncondtional love and acceptance. That could be the one thing that could change his world. No we wouldn't choose this for him, but he probably wouldn't choose it for himself either.

Love and Acceptance, I think that is the answer

February 18, 2005
5:39 pm
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Anonymous
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How awesome that he feels he can trust you with such a HUGE issue! He is looking for someone to give him some support and help him feel secure. He will have more than enough people in his life judging his actions, calling him "faggot", or telling him he's going to burn in hell. It's the last thing he needs froms someone who holds so much of his trust and respect. I'm glad to hear you are doing right by him. Your loving support of him will one day reach the lives of many. He will share his story and it will make a difference in the lives of many.

Thank you for your understanding. It will live on for a long, long time!

Love,

Ren'ai

February 18, 2005
11:49 pm
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margarita2004
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thanx everyone , i really feel alone in this situation because no one else knew, and so many things come to my mind, and i talked to him and told him that he can trust me with anything, im an adult and im his aunt, i am glad at this moment he has someone in his life that more than likely is going through the same things he is, and i'm happy because he seems happy right now and that will give him strength to face society!!! and i want to be part of his life so he can face all of the critisism feeling loved... I told him yesterday that above all i wanted him to know I love him , and that this does not change anything, but he knows and i know that the rest of the family is going to have such a hard time dealing with this when everything comes out into the open,
stardj0 i want to THANK YOU because your advice was just what i needed its a testimony that i know will help him just know that everything is going to be OK...
thanx everyone
margarita

February 19, 2005
12:18 am
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sewunique
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I am so glad you are feeling stronger about this! You will be fine in being there for him.

Isn't it so special we have each other here? And ain't we all a so very special group!?!

February 19, 2005
5:55 am
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hopeful for change
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What you don't realize, is that by doing what you are doing, you are making a direct and positive impact on his life. I hope my children have someone besides me, that they can have this with. Good Luck.

I know this isn't really on the same subject. But, once I found out I was pregnant..it was very unforunate timing and circumstances..I was 21 already had a child and was divorcing. This lady looked at me and said, God will never give you won't you can't handle. Abortion was never a thought for me. I just took the responsiblity, not knowing how I was gonna make it, and put it in God's Hands. She was right, my daughter is now 12 and one of the strongest forces in mylife. I can't imagine my life without her. God Knew what he was doing.

October 18, 2006
3:50 pm
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kirikiri
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It's a tough position to be in,but for love, you be there for him...some years back,a married woman confided in me about her situation.she had a string of galfriends and the last woman was a mother figure but she had sexual relationship with.
I helped her.by being there for her.being a friend.nothing else.I was her mentor& friend. But not forlong.Like other women friends before me, she would fall inlove with them.That was the end of our friendship. She is now with another woman who according to her 'is the mother i never had'..help your nephew.he needs you. if it were a woman, i'd say stay very clear.

October 18, 2006
3:51 pm
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kirikiri
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It's a tough position to be in,but for love, you be there for him...some years back,a married woman confided in me about her situation.she had a string of galfriends and the last woman was a mother figure but she had sexual relationship with.
I helped her.by being there for her.being a friend.nothing else.I was her mentor& friend. But not forlong.Like other women friends before me, she would fall inlove with them.That was the end of our friendship. She is now with another woman who according to her 'is the mother i never had'..help your nephew.he needs you. if it were a woman, i'd say stay very clear.

October 18, 2006
6:28 pm
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doubleloss
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hi margarita,
your nephew is very lucky to have you. my cousin is gay and he had a horrible time before he came out of the closet at age 22. He could have saved himself a lot of pain. As soon as he came out he reverted to being the fun, charming, extroverted kid he used to be. My aunt is in denial and thinks it's just a "face", argggh! He is now 28, happy, with a great job, an a great person all together.

I think it's your nephews job to "reveal" himself at his own pace as he feels comfortable. Talk to him just as you would any other teenager. Gay or not, he has to be responsible taking care of his health and not hurting people.

and when he decides to tell the whole family, he'll be stronger knowing that you will be there supporting, loving him and backing him up. You are in a great position to make big positive changes in your family, and he is lucky to have someone he know he can count on.

October 18, 2006
6:42 pm
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kirikiri
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family is the main support system.if your nephew feels he can't tell them, then he'll not feel as free as he ought to because he knows those important people in his life dont know.and they should.so they can help him.
my married/gay friend today still refuses to tell her parents,family & husband.she's afraid to that she will lose them and her husband will take their children.
i think it's sad living a lie.then again,if telling the family will hurt them, then don't. i think it's choice.

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