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TC66 Question For You, Need Your Help! Please
October 22, 2008
2:48 pm
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CrazyPink
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New

First. I am glad to read that you got a call back. I hope that they can get you in soon. Try getting to an allon meeting tonight. I am here too.

Second. I am starting to see what my ex is feeling through you. I think I am like your ex in the sense that he and I both keep going after our recent partners. He wants your affection. He wants so badly to see that you still care and that you love him. I want the same from my ex. I have so much to work on, like your ex, that we just feel we need that. Am I making any sense? The difference is that I am finally seeing through you that it is not helping my ex. By calling him, emailing, texting all of that. It's only pushing him further. Much like your ex is doing to you. He has to help himself and I have to help myself. Once your ex realizes he needs to sober up and fix himself, he too will see this. Maybe he has. Maybe that is why he hasn't tried to contact you. Simply because he knows you need your space. I know my ex misses me, I know he misses me trying to contact him, but I am not going to. He told me not to. I am here when he is ready. Your ex might actually realize this. Giving you your space. Giving you time to heal.

I know you are hurting. You miss him. But you are working on you. You dont deserve for him to be mean to you. You deserve someone who will respect you, love you and honor you every day. Maybe one day it will be him. But for right now, he needs to help himself. You are doing the right thing by letting him go and letting him work out his own issues.

As for the other woman, I have no idea what to say. I am going through the same emotions. I am dieing inside, and I know you are too. But look at it thsi way, she isn't healthy. She isn't getting a healthy guy. You are making you healthy, you are making you happy. My ex is doing the same. He is making himself happy right now. I have to respect that.

Feel everything. Dont let anything go. Feel every emotion. let it all flow. You need this. You are strong. You can get through this.

I know how bad you want it to work. I am in your boat, riding right along side of you hun. Hold my hand! Cry on my shoulder. He has to figure it out that he can not go through life the way he is. It will hit him. But for now, continue working on you. Continue to smile. I hope that he figures it out sooner rather than later. I know he means a lot to you simply because you are letting go. Have you heard the song by Mariah Carey? Butterfly? I think thats what its called. She says to let the one you love go. If it is true, they will come back, healthier and ready for you. I only wish I figured this out 3 months ago.

October 22, 2008
7:03 pm
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newme66
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Pink and Precious, thank you both for your posts. I am feeling very tired again today. I took another nap for 2 hours.

I balled my eyes out and SCREAMED in my car for about 10 minutes today after work. I was screaming at him telling him how I felt and asking WHY.

I think it may have helped and I am not sure what I am feeling. I am pissed today. I know he's not happy with her or me. Why do people like to live in misery? It's not my business. I am having a hard time today. I wonder WHY did he come back here. I feel like I went beck to two months of pain. I need to get over this and move on.

I want to thank all of you for listening to me talk and tell my feelings of him and supporting me. Everyone says to stay away. I want to stay away but it's so hard. I will not contact him. I did get a private call and they hung up on me. Not many ppl have that number and I am not sure if it was him. Of course, I was hoping. But no call or eamil from him. I honestly know it's for the best for now. I just miss him and him being sober and loving to me. I know I will be happier again. I just need to put the focus back on me.

(((PINK))) (((PRECIOUS)))

October 22, 2008
7:15 pm
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CrazyPink
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Hugs to you New.

I know its very hard. I miss my ex more and more every day. But you know what? I have slumped over for 3 months now. It's time for me to focus on me.

Focus on you my dear. Focus on you! I am here to listen. I want so badly to call my ex too, but I come here instead when ever I get the urge. Come here. Smile Hun. You have so much to look forward to. I know it hurts right now, boy do I know. Scream and get it out!

October 22, 2008
7:27 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Newmee,

If I was there, I would let you put your head on my shoulder, and would let you cry and cry until you had no more tears.. I'm not though.. but I believe all of us on this board are here for you to help you up when your feeling down.

Please hold on to this road your on, it will get bumpy, it will sometimes get really flooded, with pot holes in it, and you may even get stuck now and then but your will always get out of those holes if your hold onto the strenth that you have gained, sometimes it will be really smooth and easy to ride on...and you might even take your mind off the road, but you find yourself on the wrong side of the road, and end up in a ditch... but it's all ok you can pull yourself back on the right side...and when and if this happens and you don't seem to be able to get out, you have all of us tow truck drivers to help you out of the ditch.

I know you love him, I know you are hurting badly.. I wish more then anything that I could take your pain away.. but like you have told me, and others have told me.. and the meetings are telling me... the only help and hope we have is to work on us, and let our loved ones find their way to the same road we are on.. then we can merge and ride it together healthy and happy if we want to, but even then there will be bumps and sometimes it can be a rough ride, and sometimes we might decide we like the road so much that we are content to ride it alone for a while, and we have met people that do make a huge differance in our life and we don't have to rely on them to make us happy but they would be more then happy and be honored to ride along with you, but either way we have the experience we need to say I'm taking a differant road because your driving is too dangerous.

Not sure where all that came from but it is like a road were on, and we do hit obstacles sometimes and we do have to make detours but we all can do it.. no matter how rough the road might get.

Thinking of you, and hope your evening gets easier on you, and will continue to keep you in my prayers..

Lot's of love Peace

October 22, 2008
7:45 pm
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CrazyPink
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Healing

That is a very good analogy!

I think that is exactly what new needed to hear.

Thank you for that

October 23, 2008
11:23 am
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newme66
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Peace - love the analogy too. Thank you for your shoulder too. My shoulder is here for you too.

I just want to get past this feeling of sadness and emptyness. I have a feeling he does not love me anymore and that hurts so badly. He has always loved me and I just feel like he's really gone. It's killing me inside and I want to call him and ask him if he still loves me. I would never set my self up for that type of rejection but it just hurts.

I am better today and I finally got an appointment for next Thurdsay at 12:30 - WHEW what a relief. I have not gone to a meeting and you bet your butt I am getting to one tonight. I need it badly. Who cares if he does not love me, I know he does not love himself so how can he love me. I love me and today that's all that matters. He's just a soul less person and I can't help him. I have to keep remembering I can't help him and I can't make him love me the way I should be loved by a man!

To me, starting over AGAIN! If there is one thing I learned we can start over as many times as we want in a day, week, month or year. We have choices today and they are about US, not people who hurt us.

Good Day - HUGS, PEACE and HAPPINESS

(((PINK))) (((PEACE))) you two have been a savior to me and I so much appreciate all your support at this time.

October 23, 2008
9:25 pm
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newme66
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I cried again in my car. I don't know why I am having these melt downs. I don't want to feel anymore. I can't take the pain. Why, am I feeling like this?

He treated me so badly and why is it that I want him to love me again? I am crying over him more that I ever have. I think he's back w/ the other woman and I just can't take it. There have always been others but not like this. I can't take it.

He called me 2 weeks ago begging to come home telling me he missed me and I fell for it. What is wrong w/ me? Why do I do this to myself. I am afraid I will take him back again out of pure desperation. I don't even think he wants me anymore. I have always been the strong one and never cried or let this relationship take hold of my emotions like this before. I wanted to just die today. I can't stand the pain. My finances and my job and my relationship are all going down the drain together and I can't seem to get a handle on anything. I have not been to a meeting or therapy this week. I am driving my kids all over the place and never tell them no. I am afraid to hurt their feeling and I feel like I am trying to make something up to them. I never get a break. My ex hubby is not taking the kids again this weekend so I am home alone again (with the kids) and they will ask for sleepovers and I will not have time for me again. I am angry and I am so hurt. For the last three months I have sat in this house and have done very little for me. I am feeling bad for me and it's getting worse. I can't take it anymore.

I am crying so hard right now and I can't control how I feel. I want to text him and ask him any question just to see if he responds. I know I won't but he used to blow my phone up and I would always talk to him. I always tried to make it right. I made a big mistake two weeks ago. I wish I never, never took him in for the week. I am now worse that I was before. I can't take it. Why do people hurt other people so badly!!!! No matter how much I read on this issue it just does not seem fair. I need to go to bed so I can stop crying and just stop the pain for tonight. I want a better day tomorrow. My day was okay it was after work that I really started with the thinking. I feel like I have not life. I won't even date! I wish I could resort back to my old ways and just move on, but I know it's just going to make it worse in a few years. I am having a hard time working on me. And I can't stand it. I need so much help I hope I survive mentally.

I apologize for being so negative but I am so, so, so upset!

October 23, 2008
10:22 pm
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surfgirl
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New- I only have a minute to talk but I am worried bout you. I posted on goin nuts a while ago-I will try and get back on as soon as possible. I am with my boys right now.
Love you,
Hang in there,
Surf

October 24, 2008
12:21 am
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CrazyPink
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New

You know what? I actually admire you for being able to just scream. To be able to cry.

I want to so bad. My insides are just screaming, but nothing is coming out. No tears, no scream. It's going on inside. Don't hold it in. Let all of your emotions out. Feel your tears, and feel the pain that comes with them. Scream your little heart out, my dear.

You are feeling like this because now its setting in. It has set in that you have to do this on your own. He isn't going to come back and ruin this. Yes, before you grasped the idea that its time to heal yourself. Now, its setting in. Now it's reality.

Maybe, and just maybe, when you were doing so well before, you felt "Hey he'll be back, until then I have time" Now that you knwo he isn't at least hasn't come back yet, you actually have to face it.

I know it hurts. It is going to continue to hurt too until you heal completely. I am not able to cry anymore, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I am dieing, absolutely dieing inside. I am finding me becoming very cold to people here around me.

Sweetie, its ok to cry. Please don't feel or think anything is wrong. Grieve this loss. I want to hug you so badly!

Tell your kids no. It is ok. Trust me, they'll find another way to go somewhere, especially if they want to with a friend! It is ok to say no to your kids. My mom used to say no all of the time. You know what? We'd ask another person's mom or dad. They can find another ride, and if not, oh well. It might do them some good to have a let down here and there now in their young ages.

Tell them no sleepovers this weekend. Have a quiet weekend. Or tell them if they want a sleepover, they are more than welcome to go to their friends, but none at your house. It has to be a quiet weekend. Put your foot down and let them know those are the plans. Tell your ex husband that he needs to help out more. Maybe tell him that you need a little extra help this weekend and that it'd be really nice to have it to yourself. If he could please get them, regardless of his other plans. He is their father afterall and needs to help you out, out of respect for you. Are you two still friends?

you can take it new. You have done it before. In fact you did it a few weeks ago! You can do this! I am here to help you! AGAIN!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!

What do you think would happen if you text or called him? Would it be a temporary fix? Or do you think this time would be different? Can you play out the conversation? These questions help me when I want to talk to my ex. Will he be angry? Would he call you names? Would you feel any better? What would it accomplish? Ask yourself some of these before you call or text him.

DO NOT apologize. You need to vent. You need to feel better. We are all here to help you. Get some good rest. My thoughts are finding you in this world and sending only positive vibes your way. I love you new. Wake up with good feelings and positive thoughts. Tomorrow will be better.

October 24, 2008
2:27 am
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surfgirl
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Pink-
The advice you just gave new was wonderful.

New-I had no idea letting him go was so hard. But you have no idea how much stronger you are than me. I am so upset with myself for not being here for you more this week. But don't think for a second you are alone. Seriously, are you kidding?? I have had a horrible time missing my ex as well. Yea, the same one I told you I let come back at the same time you did your ex. But you said enough is enough. That makes you the strong one.
Don't forget that. I hope you read my other posts. I have been "surfing" all over the threads tonight trying to get caught up on all my beloved gal pals, but I know I don't know all details yet. I just can't read anymore without responding to you. You mean too much to me.

Surf

P.S. If you ever say "I am sorry", or "I apologize" again, I will drive around the country til I find you and kick you in the butt.

October 24, 2008
12:30 pm
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CrazyPink
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Thnk you surf.

I wasn't sure if any of it made sense. There is so much I want to say, but I am not sure how to get it out.

New

I hope you are ok. You usually post in the am. I'm thinking of you.

October 24, 2008
3:48 pm
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CrazyPink
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Where is new?

She always posts by now. She was having such a bad day yesterday. I hope she is ok!

October 24, 2008
6:50 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Newmee,

Please let us know if your alright.. we miss you, thinking of you.

Peace

October 25, 2008
7:48 pm
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newme66
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Hello Ladies, I am alive, not alright. I have been doing horrible. Pink I love you advise and Surf thank you so much for all your support. Your surfing around, thanks, I am smiling. Peace, I have missed all of you too. I just could not read or post for a couple of days. I was real down and out. I flipped out at work yesterday and left early. I came home and my kids were asking to go to the dance, football game. I made arrangements for them to go to a sleepover. My ex hubby decided he wanted to take them. They did not want to go. SO I called my Ex told him if he takes them, I will not be back or around until 7 PM Sunday, then hung up on him. I told both the kids they could go to the sleep over or thier dads. I will not be a taxi this weekend. I told them make up your mind about the two choices. I then left the house called them and told them to call me and let me know what they were doing. I also told them they could stay home, and I would be home later. I had to get the hell out of this house. I went and met a couple of my friends and had a misrable time. Got home before 10PM the ex called and then came here. Of course, he was drinking. I am a friggen idiot. I lied and told him I was involved w/ someone else and I think we need time apart. I told him to call me after the holidays.

He called me today, and I stuck to my lie. He's sent me a txt after he got out of work. I am not responding. I have put myself through a great deal of pain playing the game. I used to like the game but it's too painful. I used to be able to go out and drink and hang w/ the girls. I never had a problem finding a man. BUt I am not interested in any of the above. I don't want to work on me either, it's too painful. I took a break for a few days and now I know, I have to deal with the pain in order to heal.

I have therapy, group therapy and Alanon this week, so it's back to taking care of me. Falling off and not doing for me proved to be the wrong decision. It's so easy to get caught up in negative thinking and making hurtful choices. The only one that suffers is you. I am in a great deal of pain tonight as I have been for a week now. I just can't stand the pain. BUT, I have to feel this to get better. I want to work on me. I want to get over all the hurt. This is not all about a man, my break up, is what brought me to my knees and the wake up call from my higher power to get going and stop taking care of others. Stop controlling others, stop trying to change others. I need to do all of that for me. It's so easy to say and type all of that. It's putting it into action that's so hard.

I appreicate all of you and your concern for me. I know when people don't post for a few days, I worry about them. I am not going anywhere, and I promise if I do I will post it. I don't want to worry any of you because I know you truly care. My plan is to stay on this site till the day I am no longer here, which is a looooong time. I would never hurt myself physically. I am too good at emotionally killing myself. I need to stop, I need to stop, I need to stop...........Agian, thank you.

I am going to take a hot bath and read, then come back to read and post. Love all of you, NewMe 🙂

October 27, 2008
1:12 am
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CrazyPink
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New

I know youre having a hard time sweetie. You are tough. Take your time. Everyone needs to step back once in awhile. Remember, I stopped posting for a week a while ago. I had to just get away. You do too and that is ok. Take all of the time you need. I will be here when you are ready.

I am so proud of you for standing up to your kids. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Can I ask why you let him come over? Did you think it would be different this time? What was running through your head?

Last week, you were mad that he wasn't texting or trying to contact you. Now you are upset that he won't stop. Hun, you are going through the emotions. you have to take care of yourself. You have to make you happy. You know, this guy doesn't make you happy. He will never make you happy, until you make YOURSELF happy. No more negative thinking. Tomorrow is a new day. Only positive. You are a great person and I can tell that simply over this board. I can only imagine how great of a person you are in life. Remember that, each time you feel low, remind yourself of the great things you have going for you.

You know what? My ex really talked some sense into me this weekend. it is time to only look towards the happy things in life. You need to do the same sweetie. I am here when ever you are ready to talk.

I just took a hot bath and drank a glass of wine. Going to bed now, I am so exhausted. Love you!!

October 27, 2008
12:41 pm
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newme66
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Pink, I wish I could answer your questions but I don't have them. Why did I let him come over, I think I missed him ans for him txting or not txting, again, I don't know tha answer. If I did I would not be on this site nor seeking help. I can't make up my mind. I have been like this in all my relationships. I break up w/ them they don't want to let go, I don't want to let go. We play the game. This game is not fun I don't know how to stop my feeling and the craziness. I need so much help. I wanted to commit myself again last night. I am going to take some time off the site. I will be back on Friday after my therapy appt.

I am exhausted and I can't make a decsion to save my life. I feel like a failure when I am asked these questions by others and myself. I wish I knew. If I knew the answers I would not be in the condition I am in. I am a complete mess and I know it's not about my relationship. It's deeper than that. I need more help than I thought. I need professional help because I beleive I am ready for a nervous breakdown. I am a single mother, work full time, get no extra support from my ex hubby or his family. I have been on my own for 12 years with two kids TRYING to do the right thing. I have finally reached my breaking point. I am a financial mess. Everyting has gone up but my pay. I feel like I can't survive anymore.

I am looking into some type of out patient treatment, I can't go anywhere because I have two kids! I wish I had done things differntly but I did not and now I am paying such a high, high price for happiness. I begged my higher power to stay with me today and guide me and help me make decsions that will better my life not anyone elses.

My ex bf - well, I know one thing, he does not love his new gf. Know how I know, he does not love himself. He does not love me either and I tell you that hurts. He wants to come home, he wants to live there well I gave him an ulitmatum last night by 6:30 PM to come back or never call me again. He's been calling me today, he want to come home, too late! 6:30PM last night has come and gone. He drove me absolutely insane yesterday. I will talk more about that later. It's to painful and too long and just a waste of my time.

My higher power is guiding me today. I will be safe!

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