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Talked with my ex
March 23, 2007
5:03 pm
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loverbee
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So I talked with my ex and it was interesting. He told me that he always pictured himself falling in love with a 5'11" model type with blond hair and blue eyes who would bend to his every whim. Then he told me that he has done a lot of thinking. He said he is realizing something. He is realizing that all those fantasies were crap. He told me he has realized that you can't choose who you fall in love with. He told me that the more he has dated the more he has realized that it may not make sense to the person he was when he was 16 but now it does. He loves that I am little, he loves that I have green eyes not blue, he loves that I am headstrong and that unconventional, he loves that I am intelligent enough to argue with him, he loves that I want to be a chef and he loves that I am so loving. In short, he loves me. I told him that his feelings of being trapped in a relationship wouldn't just go away because he went on a few dates and that we needed some time to grow and date and figure out who we are. I told him that I loved him very much but never wanted to regret a thing that happened with us. I mean, if we were to get back together so soon after the breakup, we wouldn't really know if we had given ourselves time to figure out if it was truly meant to be. He told me that he could actually picture being with only me forever and I told him if he still feels that way when I am ready and after I have dated a bit and after I have settled myself into NY and all, we should give it another shot but that I still needed to take the time to be sure. I hope that was right.

March 23, 2007
5:09 pm
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lollipop3
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(((loverbee)))

Good for you!!!

I'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself.

March 23, 2007
5:17 pm
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loverbee
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Its funny because I love him very much and there is a huge part of me that wants to run back into his arms, but I am afraid that if we were to rush back into it, he would end up feeling trapped again. The whole point of us taking a break was because I was his first girlfriend and he just wanted to know what it was like to be single. We got together at an extremely young age and he never got to do the dating thing with his guy friends. I told him that it was essential that he experience that if he was feeling tied down at all. Now, I am enjoying being wooed again. By him and other guys and I want the opportunity to choose him the way he is beginning to choose me. However, I have a bit of a quandry to solve. I am very close with my ex (best friends) and I am also very very close with his brothers and family. We have slipped and hooked up a couple of times and it never gets wierd after. Here is the dilemma, ten months ago, his mother booked a trip for all of us to go on. Its the Queen Mary Ocean liner. The thing is, my ex said he really wants to go on it with me because it is a graduation present. His mother got me my own cabin and everything but I am not sure if it is the right thing to do. In all honesty, I really want to go though. So badly. I mean its the QM2. How can i pass that up?

March 24, 2007
10:52 am
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loverbee
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I am having a better day today than I have had in the last week. I finally have a lot of time to get some spring cleaning done and get my essays done. I am so glad that I am almost done with school. I can't wait to move to ny. I am going to get my new cell phone fixed. Yes it is busted already.

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