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Talked to him last night
November 16, 2005
2:19 pm
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artscheme
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Finally sat down and had a good talk with the boyfriend. I have not moved back in (yet), as I am still a little confused. He is sick with a cold, so I am not sure he is thinking clearly, but he seems to have grown up quite a bit. He is a thinker, like me, and I know he has thought all this stuff through. Last night, I gave him more to think about. He says he is willing to go back to therapy, just not right now. In the meantime, I have read some excerpts from the books you guys have suggested, and gotten a therapist of my own. My concern was that he kept saying "I care about you" rather than "I love you". Does he think it is over, and not willing to admit it? Two days ago I was sure I was going back, but now, I told him, I wasn't convinced. I am willing to try, and he genuinely seemed to get that I wanted better communication, no more deception (deception by way of keeping quiet with the feelings, not like cheating), and honesty.
This morning he told me he did love me, and was extremely depressed when I left. I know we love eachother, but I am still not sure this is going to work. I want so much to try and do it different this time. Any way this is possible?
I don't know what I want him to say, he is going through his own crap right now, I guess I feel like I want him to be more upset, but he is a guy, and probably holding back his feelings to protect himself right now.
Sorry for the ramble, I am lost. Anyway, I am off to the therapist right now.

November 16, 2005
8:09 pm
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classof77
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Artscheme,
This may be an overly simple suggestion but can you try being friends? Do you want him to get through his issues for him to be a happier person or so he can work things out in your relationship? I know I don't have all the details to make an intelligent opinion. One of the hardest things I have had to deal with in my life would be trying to get someone to feel the way I want them to. Trying to read between the lines, thinking well if they really.... would they say/do this or that. If I say or do this/that what will they/think/feel/do? I have to mentally remind myself to stop that often. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and live your life, and allow others to do the same. Maybe that is a long drawn out way to say what some people refer to as let go and let God (I prefer to think of it as fate). Take care and be happy.

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