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TALK ABOUT BAD TIMING
November 9, 2006
1:07 am
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santino
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My friend and I made the 4 hour drive to las Vegas on Monday to go see the Cirque Du Soliel Beatles Love Show. It was amazing!!! A must see for Beatles fans!!! We had such a great time, we were drinking, laughing just living. And like clockwork, something had 2 happend. Were sitting in a restaurant having dinner and my ex sister calls my friend (they 2 are good friends) I come back from the restroom when my friend says "guess who I'm talking to?!" As she hands me the phone. "Hi!!" My heart drops!! I tried to keep it nice and short, I said hi, how ya doin, good luck and goodbye. After that my friend tells me that I look like I jsut saw a ghost. In a matter of secounds I went from feeling great to feeling like shit. I hadn't called or even tried to make contact, I had even erased her number from my cell. Her voice, her laugh just kills me cause it reminds me of my ex. And if that wasn't enough a few secounds later I get this picture msil on my phone of her. SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE MY EX!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!! 🙂

I felt like I did everything right though, I kept my distance from her, and iI never tried to contact my ex. This was just 1 of those unfortunate situations when I just walked in on someone elses conversation and it just happend 2 be from someone I'm trying 2 keep my distance.

Thankfully it didn't ruin my trip, I still had a blast, but it did slow it down for a bit. 🙂

November 9, 2006
1:20 am
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Randomwomen2
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I am glad to hear that you didnt let it ruin your trip hunny. I am sorry that you got that call though. Your on the right path to healing sweetheart. THere are so many things that you could have done at that point that could have ruined all that you have worked for but you didnt. Congrats hunny ((((Santino)))

November 9, 2006
1:49 am
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santino
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thanx random 🙂

November 9, 2006
2:20 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Santino,

Sorry this happened to you - and just for a short moment of distraction... I am supposed to see the "Love" performace by Cirque I believe it is next week, and then another performance of Cirque in Dallas in February (forget the name of that one) - I hear that the "Love" one is an absolute MUST for Beatles fans - and I will confess that although yes, I DO love the Beatles; I can honestly say that any of the Cirque performances that I have had the honor of seeing, I have NEVER been disappointed.

O.K. - now, moving on to the real reason for this post.

It sounds as if you went to the show with someone that you consider a good friend, which is a cool thing.

Now, since she is such a good friend - she will understand this - trust me she will.

When it comes to matters of the ex, just CALMLY explain to her, and all of the other folks in your circle of friends and family this - say it and MEAN it. "I know that all or some of you may still have contact with xxxx and other members of her family; and that is O.K. - I am NOT asking you to give up your relationships or friendships with anybody. HOWEVER, for my sake at this time... I do not wish to hear about ANY of them AT ALL. NOTHING, NADA, NO, NO, NYET, NO! I do not wish them any harm, I do not think of any of them in a bad way what-so-ever - but, here is the point! I do NOT wish to think of them at all. I don't want to hear of how they are doing, what they are looking like, what they have had to say, that they asked after me or anything of the sort. So, please, if they do ask of me, tell them "Santino is doing fine, thanks for asking" and keep on. Do not relay the conversation or the query to me - we have plenty of other things to talk about."

Now, Santino, there will be some people in your circle that will then want to talk to you about this... "but, why? what about?" Shut them down... "It is for my own well being right now, and I simply ask that you follow my wishes."

Leave it at that. Do not make a production of it, do NOT make it into a major drama. Say your peace, and keep living your life.

When they bring up the subject (and trust me, there is always going to be someone who will happen to "forget" your request, simply restate your feelings, or reply "you know that is nice, but I honestly do not care. So how are YOU doing these days."

After a while, it becomes natural. And? It really will help to ease the pain.

Been there, done that.

Z.

November 9, 2006
11:21 am
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santino
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Zimie, great advise, thanks 4 posting 🙂

November 9, 2006
4:26 pm
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santino
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Zimi, thats a good point, I guess at the preent time my friend didn't think it was a big problem because I had always took the stance that it didn't bother me, you know trying to act tuff and all. 🙂 Only my real close friends know how much it really hurt me. If that makes any sense.

November 9, 2006
6:08 pm
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StronginHim77
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I completely agree with Zinnie. Let everyone close to you know clearly that they must spare you any and all information about -- or contact with -- your ex or her sister. Period.

No Contact means even "indirect" (hearsay, etc.) types of contact. It is the only path to getting free of the pain.

November 9, 2006
7:29 pm
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santino
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Stronginhim77, I agree, most of my setbacks are from hearsay. I haven't seen my ex sinse July, but due to all the contact from the sister and friends it feels like I haven't been able 2 recover. Now with them gone I feel like I can start my recovery because I don't have 2 see or hear from any of them.

November 9, 2006
7:39 pm
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cyndra820
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Santino,

How are you? Sounds like you had a blast in Vegas. I am SO jealous!!!

I think Zinnie's ideas are wonderful. However make it a matter of respecting you and valuing you that they shouldn't do this. I only say that because most reasonable people will not broach the reason for the request if you put it in strong terms like those. JMHO.

Cyndra

November 9, 2006
7:47 pm
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santino
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cyndra820, I know your right, I guess in a way its partly my fault, I've alwats posed the front that this break up didn't effect me 2 my friends. Only my close friends know that it hurt me and continues 2 hurt me. I feek like im in such a slump, Im on vacation right now and I can't get them off my mind. I keep woundering if she thinks of me as much as I think of her. I know I keep beating a dead horse but it overcomes me.

November 9, 2006
8:07 pm
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cyndra820
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Santino,

Don't kick yourself at all, let alone this frigging hard!!! We all put up good fronts so people don't know how much we're hurting.

What do you do when you start thinking about her? I know I start cleaning when I think of my xso. You may have to find a distraction until you can turn it off or stuff it in a box. Whichever works for you.

November 9, 2006
9:26 pm
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santino
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Yeah your right, looks like I'm going to pick up a hobby. I was going to the gym alot when we were together, I was eating right and feeling good. I've been eating really crappy lately. Time 2 go back 2 the gym huh?! 🙂

November 9, 2006
9:36 pm
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cyndra820
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Santino,

I think you should go back to the gym. As someone recently reminded me, it releases all those good brain chemicals.

I've been getting back to a better regimen. I had to write it all down, post it and make a contract with myself. So far, so good.

I can't promise to be your cyber workout buddy, but I will ask you every so often if you've been to the gym. Does that work?

November 9, 2006
10:23 pm
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santino
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Cyndra820, lol sounds good 🙂 Thanks 4 the encouragement, I think Ill start 2marrow! 🙂

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