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~ Taking the leap ~
November 11, 2006
6:55 pm
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MorningGlory
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Hello to everyone from the newest girl on the block! This is my first foray into seeking any sort of help or support, and hopefully I'll somehow find the strength to keep up with it. After yet another one of my rollercoaster emotional weeks my boyfriend pointed out that he believes I am seriously co-dependent. And so here I am. It started as research, "what exactly does that mean, what does he see in me that supports it..".

I'll start small with my history, experienced the tumultous childhood that most everyone seems to have in common. Dad was a drug addict who cheated on Mom constantly, Mom was (is) a codependent mess. They divorced when I was 12 (which I was grateful for) at which point I became my mother's mother (FYI I am an only child). I'm 26 now with two children of my own and live two states away, yet I am still her protector. I see a lot of myself in your messages, which scares and saddens me - but I know that ignoring it will not make it go away (Lord how I wish it were that easy). I was 15 when I met my ex-husband, pregnant at 17 and married at 18. We were together for 9 years and had two beautiful and onery boys (8 yr. & 6 yr. old). I've been divorced about 2 1/2 years and he's moved to the other side of the country. I raise the boys alone, and have no family closer than a 20 hour drive away - challenging no doubt, but we do what we have to right?

I met my boyfriend through work little more than a year ago. We were in a class together, though he lived about 6 hours away. There was an instant connection, though platonic at the time, and we began a long distance relationship of weekend visits and hours long phone calls each night. In May I moved, changed positions within the company, took the boys along for the ride - mostly to be closer to him. (There are other reasons it was a good choice, but he was my main motivation). We've had some bumps in the road - namely his attempt to cheat with an engaged coworker while I was here for a weekend visiting - and had driven the 6 hours to do so. We moved in together about 3 months ago. Overall our relationship is healthy and positive and incredibly loving. A lot of your stories include abusive and manipulative relationships, and while my heart goes out to for those situations, I hope that you can see mine is not that. I love him as he does me and I have every faith that we can work through our issues together, but first I need to get a good grasp on my own issues for me. The problems we've had lately have stemmed from my inability to trust or let him go. He is a musician and an independent man who wants and should be able to do his own thing. Intellectually I get this, emotionally it's harder to deal with. When he is off doing his own thing, while I know in my gut that he is being completly true to me, I all but go off the deep end. I feel neglected and rejected that he wouldn't rather be home with me, or that he didn't go out of his way to find a sitter so that I could go along. My insecurity kills me and I know it is not fair to him, or to us. I am trying to learn how to take a deep breath and know that it is okay, that I can't control this or him - but it is difficult.

Wow...amazing how you think you'll start small and then it just seems to flood out. So this is my first step, I suppose I should get some of the books recommended on here and go from there. I look forward to being a part of this group and hope that my road to recovery has at least been illuminated. Thank you all for being here and for your willingness to share your stories.

~ MorningGlory

November 11, 2006
10:03 pm
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ggfred4
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MorningGlory, this is an awesome first step...what a wonderful share...I want you to meet a friend on this site, need to heal, because she is raising two boys of similar age, yet is going through a tough No Contact issue now...

I haven't been in your footsteps, but I do want you to know that I listened and I care and I know need is working tonight, but when she pops in, I am going to refer her to your post and maybe she will have better insight than me...

I have to say though, that you are very honest with yourself about your insecurities, etc...take care...love your name!!!........GG

November 11, 2006
10:51 pm
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needtoheal
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MOrning Glory--
Hello and welcome... You have certainly taken the first step in the road to recovery.. and you are honest about your insecurities..
Like GG said, I am in a similar situation of raising two boys but not alone.. My ex-husband still lives in the same town.. I do have a lot of help and support from my parents who live in the same town as well..
While I was separated from my former husband I met my boyfriend at work. We were just friends, however, it was an exclusive friendship. He was a crutch for me and I was a crutch for him as well.(he had quit smoking pot after he met me.. he had been smoking for about 10 years)
Our friendship turned into more .. an exclusive and co-dependent relationship.. (I went from one co-dependent relationship to another)..
I kept the children at a distance since this man is still living with his parents (and is 36 years old and has his current job for only a year)...THerefore, it is not a dramatic loss to them because I mostly was with him while they were with their dad...
It was a verbal and emotionally abusive relationship... and HE starting rejecting me.. I now have taken some steps forward in trying to let this relationship go although it continues to be an issue for me... very difficult..
I think that you have taken the step to understand yourself which is the most important thing that you could do -- for you and your children..

I do understand... and I am here to listen and support you in your efforts.. You are not alone. You will find that there are people here who are supportive and do care... even if they have not been in the same shoes..

Keep posting...

November 12, 2006
1:06 pm
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MorningGlory
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Thank you both for your encouragement and words of welcome. It is certainly a tiring and confusing process, sorting all of this out. It's easier to want to ignore it all once the dust clouds have settled, but I know it's not the last I will see of the storms and I need to face them before finding myself wrapped in the middle of another one.

Need ~ I'm sorry to hear all you're going through, I can understand how difficult this must be for you. The balancing act that is motherhood in the midst of having your own struggles is never easy.

Again, thank you both - I appreciate knowing that I have someplace that (eventually) I don't have to hide feeling such fear and shame.

November 12, 2006
1:08 pm
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ggfred4
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morning glory, I started coming here in the summer and didn't even start talking til Sept...It is now my safest haven...I love it...

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