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Taking the focus off them (liars, emotionaly unavailable people), and putting it on ME.
October 30, 2006
12:57 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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I kinda wish I could change my screenname here as well, since it really is focusing on that person...but I'll just leave it as is.

There is another guy who has been trying to get me to come visit him the past month or so, and this weekend I finally did it. I know that getting involved in another relationship is NOT what I need. But I figured a weekend with someone knew, who seems honest and is wiling to meet me in person would be ok. I really like him alot, but he's the type that is SO goodlookin and he has SO many people that want him. I am sure that I just filled a hole in his schedule of people that come visit him. I know this. He openly talked about people coming to see him all the time. At least he was not decieving about it.

October 30, 2006
1:55 pm
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atalose
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I think you need to take this one very very slowly. It already sounds like you are puting alot of emotions into this and you just met this person. Listen to what he is telling you, he has other people in his life and if you are looking to be the only one, then this person is not for you.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 30, 2006
2:17 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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I agree. Unfortunately I also put emotions into it. I dont know any othe way! If I like someone, I'm emotional!

But I am taking precautions now to not let this be another devasting event.

He doesn not live in my state.
I deleted his phone number, and every time he text messages me, I delete it, so I dont have his number to contact him.

I know he's not for me. And I'm not pursuing it.

October 30, 2006
2:18 pm
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hello "2NWN2" (just a shortcut for typing purposes, grunch!) - how you (or I or someone else) view his ways of presenting himself to the outside world is mostly nothing more than a matter of perspective.

"at least he let me know he was unavailable ("too popular a guy")

haha - yeah ... sure (whatever)

like ... maybe he wants to put forth a certain image of himself to the outside world by giving (you?) the message :"see, look how popular a guy I am ... people just can´t refuse nor reject me .." (ofcourse, the fact he might be doing this shouldn´t be taken as a message or statement about your "worth" - its all about him (and his insecurities) - if he´d really felt so good about himself he wouldn´t need to shout if from the rooftops, eh (his ´alleged´ popularity)? ... for all I know, he might just as well have been putting on some kind of charade (an "act") to see if you are buying into it - maybe he´s afraid you wont be available to him (or not to the extent he´d wish you could be ...) ... why don´t you ask him what you mean to him - ask him: what am I to you - "a hole (sorry!) or a soul" ? - some (maybe even most?) people who are - or look or pretend to be - always working or busy or entertaining people usually like to avoid some personal truth about themselves. Fortunately most of us here should be gifted enough to make the distinction between getting misinformed or deceived. Can be quite revealing.......

soooo ... you want it to all be about you from now on ....... mmmmm .... how about asking yourself : what do I want with (or from) this guy ? what do I need ?

walk the talk, dear

October 30, 2006
2:27 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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[email protected]

thank you so much for that response. And I will think about that before I post again. But I can say, he did talk about alot of his guests, and how the did not work out for whatever reason, and he did nothing to hide all his emails from TONS of other guys who he has contact with on a "intimate" level, while I was with him on his computer.

talk soon...thanks.

October 30, 2006
3:10 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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Ok, after some thought, I've asked myself. What do I want or need from this person? And I really cant think of anything of any major significance. Everything I NEED in my life I cannot get from him. I have to do all that on my own. What do I want from him? Not sure. I mean, I definately am attracted to him....the cuddling and and just layin together was nice....but I know I cant WANT that from someone, and expect them to give it to me just for wanting it...so I dont know....I dont see any real future here.....at this point.

October 30, 2006
4:17 pm
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thedogsmom
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MNHNWN2

your thread title is great and means you are coming along...yes..concentrate on you- this time..
nothing wrong with dating or flirting or finding new friends...but if you do tend to be emotional..and already are codependent with a history of picking the emotionally unavailable or persons unworthy of your love... just be real careful about who you choose to hang out with... cause the feelings will come.
sounds like you need some alone time to concentrate on you... and you need to go...slow... when dating... not get your hopes up..or start liking somebody too much before you really know who they are. If you are the type to get deeper feelings when you sleep with somebody...maybe you should hold off for awhile and just take the time to get to know somebody..talking, cuddling, holding hands..kissing and doing fun things together... don't rush quick to conclusions that he is a good-looking party boy with lots of girlfriends...
Talk openly about what it is you are looking for right now... a friend? another lover? a relationship? and instead of assumming things about him...come out and ask him..what it is he wants from you at this point? casual sex? friendship? may lead to relationship?
communicate.. be honest about what it is you are looking for.. if you really don't know right now...then wait before dating and take some time to focus on YOU.
TDS

October 31, 2006
8:18 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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November 2, 2006
5:41 pm
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you a guy, pumpkin ?

(am getting pretty confused now ... "TONS of other guys" ... "work ME baby, ohhh" ... not that "power play" again ... I so not wanna go "there" ...).

(reading your screenname again ...)

(okay - never mind)

"Everything I NEED in my life I cannot get from him"... -

mmmmmm .... what CAN you get from him ?

November 2, 2006
10:14 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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Yes, I am a guy...and yes he is guy.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

November 2, 2006
10:18 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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I'd appreciate some advice on this email I got from this guy who I just met over the weekend and spent some time with......

"If you even feel like calling in the evening after like 1900 or so you can call my home line 3212541388. I have to watch my minutes a lot of the time. I talk too much I reckon. J Don’t expect you to call or call everyday. Just if you feel like saying hi. I don’t want to move fast on anything. Get to know each other and become buds and see where it goes from there."

[email protected], or whoever else........what do you think he really means here?

November 2, 2006
10:19 pm
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MissNhimnotWantN2
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oh, no....I should not have put that number in there!!

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