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Taking Care of Myself - part 2
January 31, 2005
2:17 pm
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day1
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Hello all, just letting you know my day is going pretty good going to get my grandchildren that will keep me quite busy. Have lots of fun but man do they wear me down. I am working on stopping smoking so I find lots more time in my day to do my alanon work. I have done some reading and am actaully quiting smoking one day at at a time. I am glad everyone is doing well. I have had a not so good wkend. My son used our truck and somehow the window got broke. Sometimes I can handle it and sometimes I could just scream. I don't know about the addict/alcaholic in your all lives but theres times I find it hard to love him. Don't think I am harsh its just I have been going through this so long I think I am at my ropes end. He says things and does things that he thinks will upset me, and sometimes I allow that to be the case. Keep me In your prayers much needed at this time. It truely hurts when I know my son means to hurt me. I not only witness this action a very well trusted friend has also seen this behavior. Anyway I guess I need to get the focus back on me. I have stopped smoking for 4 days no yeah. Lots of love

January 31, 2005
3:04 pm
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Hey guys..thank you mj for the postive start..
Day1 congrat's on the smoking.. I quit 7yrs ago..I smoked cig.'s for 25yrs..Smoking was a big part of my life it was very hard for me to give it up..I was in recovery about 5yrs before I made a decision to quit..I had wanted to stop for awhile but I wasn't able to..I went to my Dr. and asked if he knew of anything that may help me because I knew I needed help to do it..he recommeded I try a pill called (Wellbutrin) within 2 weeks..I didn't want to smoke anymore it's been 7yrs know since I lit one up and I feel so much better not to be a smoker today..there are many things recovery has given to me that is just one of them..and I'm truely grateful..my weekend went ok..I had my grandkids on Friday..they keep me young..nice to have them around..
my husband is really trying to do alittle better and I'm trying my best not to judge him and remember he doesn't do things to hurt me..he does things because of his addiction.. there are times I take it personally because he can be very hurtful..but if I focus on me and remember he has a sickness and his sickness affects me at times..I need to do the things to keep myself in a good space..Thanks guys for being here..Angel1

January 31, 2005
3:49 pm
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mj
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Congratulations on becoming a Non-Smoker!!!! I admire you both. I still have the habit but would love to rid myself of my addiction but not today.

Keep taking care of YOURSELF!

February 1, 2005
2:05 pm
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day1
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Hey guys thanks for congrats. I love to smoke but it seemed like the right time to quit been using nicorat gum it helps. I am trying not to take things personal with my son but you know it just a day or 2 in a week so I am sure I will come back to my best self. I enjoy my grandchildren too but it is kinda difficult because of their ages i is 15 months the other is 5 months. I decided to keep one for a few days and then get the other one works better for me. Anyway sorry I am having a down side but thanks for being there anyway. I am sitting here looking outside and the sun is shining makes for a good moment. Anyway prayers for you guys and I hope you both have a wonderful evening

February 1, 2005
2:55 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..
Day1 things will get better..we all have our down moments..thanks to
Al-anon we don't have to stay down for long..recovery does help us get out from under..I feel ok today my day is kind of dragging but other than that its going ok..I haven't said to much to my co-worker I find if I don't say much to her my day goes so much better..I went to my meeting last nite which always puts me in a better state of mind..I'm so grateful to have a place to go to boost me up..and give me the love I need in my life..hope everyone has a great day...Angel1

February 2, 2005
8:55 am
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mj
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In today's reading it talked about keeping the focus on ourselves, the only thing we can change. Do you guys use the books, "Hope for Today", Courage to Change, also in your meetings?

February 2, 2005
3:25 pm
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angel1
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yes we use all 3 books..there are times we do step or tradition meetings too..they all are very enlightening..really helps put the focus back where it should be on ourselves..thats one of the main reasons I continue going to meetings..I need to be reminded of what to do to keep myself healthy..I'm grateful to have a place to go..and thank you guys for being here during my work day..it helps me to get through it..hope everyone has a great day...Angel1

February 3, 2005
1:49 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..how's everyone doing today?
Me well I'm really tired if I don't get a good sleep I really do feel it the next day..my husband was up and about till early morning and it kept breaking my sleep..if he would just be more quiet and not turn on lights..I don't like feeling this way..he always says it's not him keeping me up..you can't tell him nothin..days like today I just want to put my head under the covers and not come out..
my sister is planning a bridal shower this week-end..I'm not going..I will go to her wedding but not the shower..we are not close..and I think going to the wedding is good enough..as I mentioned before no one came to my wedding or wanted any part of it..I have been hurt by my family it's hard for me to be around them..we tend to be very hurtful to one another..growing up in an alcholoic home has left me very issolated from my family..recovery helps me to deal with my pain..Angel1

February 3, 2005
8:18 pm
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day1
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hello angle1. You have a right to do what you feel comfortable with. As far as your husband getting up and down turning on lights and such, Is there another room that you can sleep in while he is acting out. I truely beleive addicts sometimes love to push our buttons and the more I let my son know this it seems the better he likes and the more often it happens. Try to do the right thing for you. I see me writing all these things and I know it is easier said then done. However if we can just learn to do what is right for us some of the time there is willingness and improvement made. Anyway hope you have a good day.

February 4, 2005
3:29 pm
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angel1
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Hey Day1..as for my husband I already have him sleeping in the other room..he turns on the hall light and it wakes me up..he goes outside to smoke it wakes me up..I'm a light sleeper..I like quiet..he doesn't act like this every nite just sometimes..then I yell at him and he stops for a few days..there like kids you have to keep telling them..I get so upset with him at times then I say to myself he's just acting out..I feel bad because most of the time he just being who he is..he's not even aware he's upsetting me..he's not trying to get on my nerves..(as much as he does)so alot of things I try to over look..then there are times I let him have it..
my husband came from a broken home..poverty..he feels I'm his last hope..he relies on me to much and its overwhelming..I know he loves me and I love him but the addiction is to much for me at times..I pray he will one day get some help..
I feel bad that I don't want him at home with me..I just need a break at times from him and this sickness..I don't want to see him in the street..I pray God helps me to deal with him..I feel so overwhelmed with all of this at times..I will get to my meeting tonite it will bring everything into perspective..I'm grateful for this post..thanks for being here..have a good weekend..
I will get my rest..Angel1

February 7, 2005
6:41 am
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sexychocgirl
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wow angel1 thanks for your post you put all of what i was feeling about my ex. in perspective.i mean the men acting like kids to,trying to have patience because of same background as your husband. and depending on me to do the cooking [can't cook] laundry ,craves attention.i mean alot of times i just wanted out. like you i didnt want to see him on the streets. he slep in the next room.
we were not having sex. and we were not even married. i am sure he was too needy. i say was. because i ask him to leave. so i am still in the letting go phase.. anyway thanks so much.
very good to know i am not alone..

February 7, 2005
3:12 pm
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angel1
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thanks sexychocgirl..
I went to my meeting Friday nite and boy I'm glad I did..when I got home I was served with papers..my ex neighbor is sueing me..he fell in the driveway last winter..I was so upset when I got this..I spoke to a lawyer today..hopefully I won't have to go to court and my insurance Co. will take care of it..but wow it's one thing after another..and its stressful..I'm doing better today..but still very upset..I'm grateful to have you guys here and I will get to my meeting tonite..thank you all for being here..Angel1

February 8, 2005
4:48 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys...I'm feeling better today..I've spoken to lawyers and Insuance agents..and I'm really fed up with this stuff..but at least Farmers is going to take care of this problem for me..I thought I may have to hire a lawyer myself and I still may have to I don't know how this is going to go..but I have help in this mess..thank God..My daughter is upset..because they named her in the lawsuit..but I told her I'l do what I can to clear her name..if it's upsetting to me I know it must be for her..I went to my meeting last nite..needed some positive energy..I was really tired when I got home..so i went to bed tossed and turned most of the nite..but I think I got a few hours sleep..better than none..life has a way of throwing us some real curbs..at some point we will learn to deal with them when they come at us..Thanks guys for being here for me...Angel1

February 9, 2005
4:35 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..what's new?
I'm ok..been staying focused..keeping in touch with my higher power although there have been many things on my mind..I have been working real hard on taking care of me..it's been one thing or another I have been dealing with..I do better today than I used to..it doesn't always feel like it..but I know I do..I got some sleep last nite which always makes me feel better when I get my rest..and today I have somethings on my mind but I'm doing much better..I don't feel so worried and anxious..thank you guys for being here for me..Angel1

February 10, 2005
2:02 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..How's everyone? Me well each day I feel a little better..
(Baby steps)..I have been doing alot of praying..I just feel I need to be more connected to my Higher Power..when I am I feel so much better..I will continue to take care of me and put myself first in my life..thank you all for being here for me..Angel1

February 11, 2005
12:30 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..what's new?
I'm doing ok today..I plan on going to my sisters wedding this weekend..not sure if I should but I am..my family is a little weird..can't be around them for along time..so I will only stay for a couple hours..I'm going to be off work Mon..so I'll have a nice long weekend..I tossed and turned last nite but I must of gotten enough sleep because I feel ok..I must have stuff in the back of my head..I notice my sleep is not sound lately..I will get to my meeting tonite..I know this will help me..I think it's just been alot of stuff lately and it's just piling up..I worry to much at times..I need to let go of it all..there are times I think I have then something else comes up and I feel that weight again..I pray to get better..Hope everyone has a great week-end..Happy V Day...Angel1

February 15, 2005
1:43 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..well I went to my sister's wedding..and like I thought I should of just stayed home..
The wedding itself was real nice..it was later that things were said that I just wished I would of just stayed home..
My husband was enjoying himself..he wasn't bothering anyone..he didn't say anything to anyone he was just drinking..it was a open bar..
For some in my family it was a problem..and they didn't like the fact the he was drinking a little to much..so my neice said something to him which was uncalled for..he got very upset but still did not say anything to her..at this point I just wanted to leave..my family can not get together and just let people be..they always have to start something with someone..no one has to say anything to them for this to happen..
I'm very grateful to be in recovery and to have this thread..it really helps me to deal with my life...Angel1

February 15, 2005
3:42 pm
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tooscared
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Sorry that your sister's wedding day turned out like that for you and your husband. Families can sure be frustrating sometimes and they sure don't help an already difficult situation for you. It sounds healthier for you to stay away from your family for now. I'm glad that you come here to write and share. This website meets a lot of needs for many people. Take care and know that people do care.
Love, TS

February 16, 2005
1:49 pm
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angel1
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Thank you tooscared..and I do try to limit my time with my family..
I spoke to my youngest daughter last nite..she's getting married in August..she said that after the other nite she hopes my husband doesn't get to drunk at her wedding..I said what was it that he did..she said he was loud..and I said it was a wedding..she also stated that the dress I plan to wear to her wedding she did not want me to wear it..and I said why..she said because it's off white (soft beigh) and I said well thats the dress I'm going to wear..I said how can you expect people to wear and act how you want..you don't control people..she was a little upset with me but I never heard of such a thing..even with my kids they go to far with there demands..you would think she would be more conserned with having me there not what I'm wearing..Like I said I need to just take care of me and focus on me..this really keeps me out of trouble..keeps me in a healthy spot..thanks guys for being here..Angel1

February 17, 2005
1:57 pm
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angel1
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Hey guys..how's everyone today..
Me well I'm ok..When I got home yesterday..It appeared my husband had some friends over..I have told him time and time again I don't want people at the house..It's enough he's there..I'm not working to pay for all the bills so you and your friends can have a place to hang out while I'm at work..he tried to deny it but I know he was lying..He won't leave I've asked him more than once to go..he will be real quiet for a few days..then it will be something else..I asked a realitor to come by the house and appraise it..I just don't want to keep doing this..if I have to move to make him understand that's what I will do..because he's not listening...I just pray that I can go through it and do what I need to do for me...Angel1

February 17, 2005
5:40 pm
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mj
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((((((((((((((Angel))))))))))))))))

Be Courageous and rely on your HP for guidance and support in taking care of yourself. We are always where we need to be in order to learn the lessons of taking care of ourselves. You have been so accepting of your husband and his disease. Sometimes the answers come fast, sometimes slow. Keep on utilizing your meetings and prayer.

February 18, 2005
1:58 pm
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angel1
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Thank you so much MJ..you are always here for me..and I do appreciate it..there have been alot of stuff going on in my life lately so I don't want to move to fast I want to think things through and at the same time do what is best for me..being around my family always gets me going and then with my old neighbor sueing me for falling in the driveway..and with my husband's behavior it's just been way to much going on..and I need a time out..that's why I don't want to rush myself into anything..I need to think things through..time with my Higher Power to help me make some decisions..I will try to continue doing the things I need to do for me..I pray for peace of mind..thank you all for being here for me...Angel1

February 21, 2005
8:23 am
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mj
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Dear Angel,
The insanity seems to come and go when you love an addict and are raised in a dysfunctional family. I am so grateful for our 12 step program.

I am read my meditations this morning. It's a constant struggle to maintain serenity.

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,(my daughters' illness, my husbands' alcoholism) and Courage to change the things I can (my reactions, my behavior, my unhealthy patterns of coping, myself) and wisdom to know the difference.

The promises of the Al-Anon program is what I want. I will try to stay focussed on Me.

I hope that you receive God's love and guidance.

February 21, 2005
8:23 am
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mj
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Dear Angel,
The insanity seems to come and go when you love an addict and are raised in a dysfunctional family. I am so grateful for our 12 step program.

I am read my meditations this morning. It's a constant struggle to maintain serenity.

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,(my daughters' illness, my husbands' alcoholism) and Courage to change the things I can (my reactions, my behavior, my unhealthy patterns of coping, myself) and wisdom to know the difference.

The promises of the Al-Anon program is what I want. I will try to stay focussed on Me.

I hope that you receive God's love and guidance.

February 21, 2005
3:53 pm
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angel1
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Thanks mj..good message..God's will get us through our troubles...
My week-end went ok..I got some rest..did some shopping..took care of me..tonite I'll get to my meeting..Monday's are always hard for me..I have a hard time getting started as the week goes I get better..today I'm moving a little slow...Angel1

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